Through a Guide's Eyes

Transition

2012-02-18T19:45:00.000-08:00

Lyme negative are the most beautiful two words I have heard since our life turned upside down in June, but they are words being used in reference to Thane!

Its been a very long, hard journey that at times I was not sure which end was up and which down- or if Thane was going to be able to guide in all scenarios when the end actually came to pass- but its happened and he is at my side to stay for a while longer anyway.

A transition like this is interesting. To me, its more like remission as having had Lyme for about two years prior to diagnosis means there is potential for relapse through cyst forms. Cyst forms are able to hide from most antibiotic therapy. I'm not overly concerned since there are plans for a prevention protocol- one element of which can be used both preventatively and as part of a treatment protocol. Its capable of busting cysts as well. The supplement regimen will be continued. Homeopathy regimen if needed since it is about more than just Lyme.

For now though, I'm experiencing something I did not know when, if ever I would. I have the guide at my side that I had way back in the first week of June 2009 before he was bit by the tick, albeit a little thin in coat, but that will come in time.

Now when I head out with Thane, I'm not thinking so much about multiple approaches to deal with my disabilities- Thane is back in top form. There's no more concerns about whether or not he will be able to guide me in all situations. I don't have to think about what the weather is like or if its too late and we might be heading home after dark or any of that.

When I want to head out and do something- we just do!

Of course I've suspected for a few weeks that he was now negative, but having the test results on my computer confirming what I thought to be the case is just awesome.

I have previous experience working a combo trained service dog with chronic health needs. Its not the path I would have chosen for him and its certainly not the path I wanted for Thane. Today though, despite knowing that this could relapse, I still feel this sort of victory in that though we had a long haul to get where we are, it is not going to predict our future or put limitations on the way I live my life with him at my side. It really is a special feeling to have so much be past tense. No more seizures, no more falling off curbs or running into walls, no more wandering lameness, or skin so fragile that a shower causes it to peel away if oil isn't massaged into the skin. This and so much more are in the past and tomorrow is just that- a day when we can do whatever we please without worrying about what symptoms might rear their ugly face!

Boy isn't this just awesome pawsome!

The Status with Thane

2012-02-14T14:55:00.000-08:00

Much improvement has taken place in my wonderful sidekick. We are learning how to work with his energy. I'm finding keeping him busy and further training do help.

Presently the only symptom that is identifiable is the hair growth in progress. This is one of those symptoms that just takes time. With as multi-system devastating as it was before his diagnosis. I find this just amazing that we are at this juncture- getting our life back. I am eagerly anticipating his results to follow-up testing. My heart believes they will read NEGATIVE. The vet concurs with my feeling by seeing him.

Its still pretty amazing to me how this can devastate a life- how smart this bacterium really is. I know it will take a while before I will really relax and not be looking for symptoms from any possible cyst forms that took advantage of antibiotic free territory to wreak havoc again.

I'm getting ahead of myself now though- we still have to get the test results that tell us its time to celebrate smile

What it Means to be Five

2012-01-28T09:50:00.000-08:00

Happy fifth Woofday baby boy! My lil' redhead Man is five today. It is so hard to believe in many ways- from how could this much time have already passed, to how we actually pulled off Lyme survival.

I thought I would focus this post on what five means to me. See for me, five has some history and very deep meaning.

When Met first began having seizures, with his breed mix and the fact that the storm rose fiercely a couple months after the meds began again, the vets were candid with me. His life expectancy with his breeds and seizure picture was not good. The life expectancy presented to me was five years of age- forget about working career duration. Most reading know how we proved them wrong. I found the K9epilepsy forum and learned alternative ways to work in tandem with his meds. He not only lived more than double that expectancy, but he was working up until he passed.

With my history, it's no doubt how much impact turning five has on me. Its not a negative impact, but one where perseverance can change the world so to speak.

I never expected to be found in the fight for Thane's life and yet this past summer that is exactly where I found myself. I never thought too much about the fact that he was not even five years old when this all came to a head until recently. I began to think about everything we had conquered or learned together as a team, but also about what we would have missed out on in the future had my good friend Sharon at AfterGadget blog not encouraged me to pursue testing Thane for TBDs.

Rather than focus on the heartbreaking journey through Lyme, I thought I would share some of the highlights- some of those special things that we as a team managed to do over the past five years. Some of these accomplishments required letting go both of Met and of the cover of *in training* to trust in the new dog at my side.

Moving on was hard- sometimes harder than I imagined, but putting Met behind us and letting Thane blossom in his work was the best thing I ever could have let happen.

Accomplishments that have special meaning:

December 2007 at less than a year old, Thane stops for car I did not notice
January 2008 figured our way around a road tripod when I couldn't figure the way using my guide cane
January 2008 first short distance timer alert (pre tick bite)
February 2008 first instance of intelligent disobedience
April 2008 Thane Shines! public access began
June 2008 Thane regularly alerts to my mailbox in a string of 22 boxes
July 2008 Thane works crowds with great precision
July 2008 Thane becomes my guide dog
Sept 2008 We rode Max!
Dec 2008 Thane guides in snow and ice
March 2009 Guide brace gives us more freedom and ease as a team
June 2009 Thane is retrieving
July 2009 Thane woke me when alarm went off
August 2009 Mr Bold and Courageous walked me across freeway overpass in pedestrian walkway
Sept 2009 Manager tells me: *You have done a great job training him*
Oct 2009 first night work
Nov 2009 Thane has learned to tug
Dec 2009 Thane is tugging indoor doors open or closed while homebound in manual chair
Dec 2009 Thane is nudging indoor doors open or closed while homebound in manual chair
Sept 2010 When MCS attack left me almost completely blind, Thane stepped up to plate guiding me in dark to get medical care
Oct 2010 turned off my pain from severe MCS attack in wee morning hours by laying his body right up against mine without any direction from me
March 2011 first distance timer alert
April 2011 Thane closes the fridge with *smack it* command
May 2011 Thane does hard block traffic check saving us both from being hit in middle of crosswalk
Dec 2011 first door knock alert
Jan 2011 first doorbell alert Needs more training for door alert accuracy still

When I look at just a sampling of our accomplishments together, see Lyme receding knowing that we are getting our life back, I wonder just how much more Thane has to do in how ever many years of work he has ahead.

Thane is a great dog who has taught me valuable lessons both as a person, as part of a partnership, medically, and in life in general. The lessons of Lyme and just how it can ravage a body, I could have done without, but every lesson be it in life, in partnership, in health makes us stronger as a team. I guess for that, I am grateful for the lessons and strength that we have endured and built over the past four years together, but most especially over the past seven months

So you see what it means to be five or to make it to five is all about perseverance and ones ability to turn a situation that seems so bleak into one that is not only survivable, but full of life, service, and happiness as well

Now there's a tongue waiting my raw-fed boy for his special woofday meal and oh the day wouldn't be complete without some new toys either grin

Opportunities

2012-01-24T17:47:00.000-08:00

When you live in *rain central USA* you take your opportunities to get out when they present themselves. Yesterday was one such opportunity.

I'd been trying to decide whether or not to schedule paratransit for shopping errands when the weekend weather forecast did not match the reality we were presented with. I needed some things for both of us at two different stores- one of which takes about an hour to get there by fixed route.

Then we woke up yesterday to a cloudy day that was staying cloudy. There was no rain in the forecast, but then as forecasts go, they are not always that trustworthy. Needless to say, we set out with the plan to do both stores in one swoop- not knowing when we could get another chance for this again. I knew the following day I'd feel like I'd been run over by a freight train, but I also knew that not taking advantage of a dry day would come back to bite me. We set off for leg one of our journey, taking a bit of a detour due to plant and hedge storm damage that has yet to be addressed by home owners or renters.

For the most part, I've been really enjoying working Thane when the opportunities arise- be it just a walk or real work together for errands in town or in the surrounding cities. Yesterday was no exception. Thane was really into his job, happy and working the way I have dreamed of experiencing again for so long. Lyme really changed things so lately I've really felt like I am getting to know him all over again or in some aspects getting to know him for the first time.

Yesterday was amazing. Other than a small amount of *ice walking* on slick floors, Thane did really superbly. When we left New Seasons to finally head home, I was already beginning to feel the impact of the multi-errand day we were putting in.

Though there were a number of really great things he did as he performed his job, I think the one that means so much to me is his ability to take my words, *I'm hurting*, and change from his already steady pace to be more gentle with the sidewalk bumps and terrain we had to travel. He was just pawsitively awesome.

And today, well it has been raining since we crawled out of bed- pouring most of the day.

Life in the Pacific Northwest

2012-01-21T12:05:00.000-08:00

From snow to flooding and uprooted trees, damaged plant life, blocked sidewalk access on narrow streets where the owners/ renters NEVER do their own trimming/ cleanup

Oh isn't access and life just a wonderful thing to behold in the pacific northwest

NOT!

Thane and I managed an outing in town yesterday but boy oh boy did we ever get wet! It was just raining a bit when we took off, but you all know how murphy's law goes now don'tcha? grin

We managed to do the outing, but did not get everything needed because most of the stores are moving away from natural meat to enhanced. It is getting so old! I can't wrap my head around why they keep moving this direction since it certainly is not a healthy move for anyone. Thane can't have enhanced meats- nor would I feed him that crap even if he could tolerate it.

By the time we got home, we were a couple of drenched rats! Thane's harness was so muddy and wet it had to be laundered right away. And Thane, well his rain coat did a pretty good job where it covers. He was shaking his head all afternoon until I finally realized he must have gotten rain in his ears. Sometimes I'm slow to get what he is telling me Poor guy

I am so ready for July or perhaps a trip to say NOLA where its in the 70's I hear.

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow!

2012-01-18T12:37:00.000-08:00

We love snow, in case you did not get that drift. grin

The last few days we have had some snow stick overnight, but not the amount of accumulation necessary for playing in.

Thane is so cute with his football in the snow and frankly I was feeling jipped. Snow is definitely something that breaks up the monotony of all that rain we get here in the pacific northwest.

Last nights forecast was pretty straight forward: 1-3 inches accumulation turning to rain around 2AM. Can you read the big SHUCKS about the rain there.

I am like a little kid when it comes to snow. I wasn't so much this way with Met, but with Thane it is different. Thane is just a bundle of energy in the snow. He loves it. He loves football. This energizes my love of the stuff too. December 2008, the year of the White Christmas, was also our first experience together with snow. It quite frankly spoiled us. We were home bound for about three weeks as every time the snow stopped long enough for anyone to think it might be through, another storm came rushing in. It was incredible!

Last night I was up at 11PM, up at 1AM, and again at 5AM. I checked out my snow, took pictures at 11PM and 1AM, hoped upon hope for it to still be usable at 8AM when quiet time at the complex ends.

The news at 6:30 was not promising. It had turned to rain everywhere they mentioned between 2AM and 4AM depending on the temperature in the city or town. It made me sad to think that the one chance for playing in the snow happened overnight and was going to be washed out before we could have a rip of the football and a springboard jump from this slender, agile redhead Border Collie boy.

Then we got up!

Our town had remained colder than everyone around us. It was fantastically fabulous! I tried to pass the time until 8AM as much as I could. I had to hope upon hope that the people on the corner who were fumigating us with their fabric softener at 7:15 would conclude and the air would clear out enough for our pleasure.

And then 8AM came!

Out the door he went.

First a busy

Then a sailing football sent him into action and it was so completely awesome! He jumped one way then the other- this way and that- jumped high, ducked low all to catch each sailing football as it was thrown through the air.

No rain in sight yet for our little town. Cold had settled here to stay for a while longer

Each time the ball was snatched from the crisp air or collected when it fell to the soft white fluff of covered earth, it was raced back to my hand with lightening speed. After tapping the football on the door frame to release the snow from its grips, it was thrown once more into the air, sailing until *snatch* it was collected by this energized redhead.

It was incredible!

The Lessons Learned through the Many Obstacles with Thane

2012-01-13T02:05:00.000-08:00

This post is for the Sixth Assistance Dog Blog Carnival. The topic is Obstacles.

As assistance dog partners, many things can stand in the way preventing us from experiencing the partnership we may have dreamed of with our canine partner. From a dog and handler that are not a good match, to an inability to bond and thus trust in each other, to difficulties with pace and harness pull, to medical problems, to endless scenarios.

After my first partnership with Chimette, I had a hard time believing that I could move on and bond with another dog, but more significantly that I could actually have a healthy partnership.

When Thane came into my life, it was indeed love at first sight. We seemed to bond instantly, but then things began to fall apart. There was a huge obstacle in my path. I was dealing with what some call *second dog syndrome*. I just could not let go of the tenure partnership I had with Met to truly bond in harness with the trainee at my side. I spent so much time wallowing in the dreams of my seasoned predecessor, that the bonding process, training, trust, and emotional health were literally stuck in what seemed like a feedback loop, unable to move forward individually or together.

During this time when we were at home off training and just being together, all was fine, but back in training mode in-harness and I had a hard time exploring what was causing the lack of cohesion we experienced. I could always point to how different Thane was from Met, but could not let go of Met to allow Thane to be his own dog and excel where he would. Everything I saw pointed towards Thane as the obstacle, when in fact, the obstacle was me, the handler.

Once I was able to let go of Met, Thane blossomed into a very intelligent in tune guide and service dog. Most things did not come naturally in the training process though which made me have to work harder at looking outside of the box as I trained each task he now performs as though he were born doing it.

It was hard for me to get through the obstacles in training Thane, with the constant reminders of memory (incomplete or inaccurate as this might be) that reminded me of a time when there was such simplicity in training. Accurate or not, I soon realized that one of Thane's roles was to teach me to be a better trainer. He was not stupid- in fact, far from that! He was there to *grow me* as a trainer.

Once this process had begun, we really began to grow as a team flourishing into a partnership I never could have dreamed of in the past. I know this could not have happened, if I had not allowed Thane to blossom into his own individual. If I had continued to try and mold him into the dog that Met was, I would have lost out on some amazing experiences, hard knocks, and lessons learned.

As if I had not already learned a lot of truths about myself, about how far my successor dog would go to protect my life, and yes, even some medical roller coaster rides through things like giarda; Thane was about to teach me about a disease that is so often looked upon as a northeast problem. He would teach me just how far one can go and how close one can come to answers coming too late. Of course, without my very special friend Sharon at the AfterGadget blog, I know those answers would have come too late for Thane.

If you don't know already, the obstacle I am talking about is chronic late stage Lyme Disease. I'd been through what seemed like hell and back with Met through severe vaccinosis, but I was ill prepared for the journey Thane was in the process of taking me on.

We'd been chasing symptoms for about two years when I went into the vet office and requested TBD testing for Thane. Though his symptoms at this point seemed to match up with a tick borne disease, my vet tried to convince me that the ticks in the northwest were *healthy*. I was not buying that propaganda, but still wanted to remain hopeful that this was not the direction we were headed. In the end, Thane has surprised many about the presence of TBDs locally.

Our journey through Lyme has been one obstacle after another- from medication reactions that compromised his liver in under two weeks time, to symptoms that seemed unlikely to resolve that could shorten our partnership or at the very least limit when he could work. Thankfully through supplemental and alternative therapies that were added to his antibiotic regimen, I have reason to be hopeful now.

It has been seven months since Thane collapsed unable to leave our home. Though time will tell just how complete his symptom resolution is to be, I find myself amazed at just how tenacious these spirochetes can be and how hard a body can fight to win. With the resolution of neurological symptoms, orthopedic symptoms, GI symptoms, and some collagen based symptoms which included coat, skin, vision and hearing; I know nothing can stand in our way except the reality that such chronic Lyme often comes with relapses due to cyst forms that managed to evade long term antibiotic and nutritional support therapies.

Once Thane was well enough to work part time in daylight situations again, I found myself struggling with this major obstacle- that of a dog that had lost so much of his experience and function. He was at that stage for all intense of purposes, a green dog that could not learn from the experiences we were taking in. There was too much *fighting* of the disease taking place for me to even begin to consider the possibility that what I was seeing may always be what he would be now. I was grieving this huge loss while at the same time trying to remain hopeful that we would conquer this huge obstacle. I tried hard to put it to the back of my mind, but I found myself thinking about the reality that retirement may become necessary in the end. Thankfully, it looks as though those fears have been put to bed, at least for the near future any way.

Right now, we are literally experiencing something I never once took the time to think about during the hardest most heart breaking times in the previous months. Thane has literally come alive. The energizer bunny has returned and frankly it is taking a bit of getting used to after how settled Thane had seemed to be over the past two years. Energy aside, his incentive and instincts are surfacing as we work towards finding that perfect balance again.

I've struggled with his energy. Frankly it has been quite an obstacle since I also have developed chronic nerve pain this past year. I've found a number of obstacles though as we work back to the team we once were- many of them stem from his energy which makes it harder for him to focus. Some of it however stems from how *stuck* we were for so long in that *green team* mode where Thane could not learn from our new experiences. I guess the best way to describe it is that he was stuck in brain fog which has finally lifted.

For so long, I had to second guess his decisions with the tactile mini guide or be really in tune with our environment. It was truly exhausting, but as long as Thane was able and willing to work, I felt giving him the opportunities might one day just flip that switch again. Some days he seemed really on and other days, it was still a huge deal to work him, even if only for a walk. I kept looking for the reason for the changes from day to day. I kept looking for something in him that would point towards the issue.

Earlier this week, I was in significant pain, but knew Thane needed work and groceries needed to be picked up. Thane had been working the best he had in a while once some energy was worn off. Shortly after we left home, I laid my head back on the headrest and relaxed in harness for the first time since Lyme took so much from us. As I relaxed, letting Thane do what I had trained him to, instead of the frequent reminders for *easy*, *slow down*, etc, I discovered something quite amazing. There was no issue with Thane's work. He guided me with a smooth, easy rhythm of perfect pull in harness through some of the most horrific sidewalk terrain our town has to offer.

After this outing that took nearly three hours, I was not quite ready to believe that this was really all there was to the *growing pains* as we worked back towards becoming the team we once had been. I guess I needed to see this duplicated a couple more times- so duplicate it he did.

Perhaps there is yet another lesson Thane is meant to teach me before our partnership is through, that of not focusing all my energy into finding the obstacles in our work solely in his part of the team, but to look at the entire team when something is amiss.

I don't know what the future holds for our partnership, but I know this much, the obstacles we have encountered and risen above, are a big part of the strength we embody today.

The Backseat Driver

2012-01-10T19:02:00.000-08:00

As we made our way back from chronic Lyme, I had been seeing things in Thane's work in areas we navigate regularly that I did not like. It was like we had to go back to the beginnings of training on some of the very basics of guide work. It was frustrating at best and could be dangerous at worst if I did not get it nipped in the bud.

Working with Thane through Lyme treatment was not like working with Thane beforehand. For lack of a better way to describe it, it was like working with a green dog who did not learn from the experiences you encountered together. It was a lot of work, but working without him was even more work, so I stuck it out once he was an able and a willing participant. Many days I was wanting to pull my hair out from the frustrations. It was hard not to grieve for what we once had and to wonder if it would ever be had again.

With most of that behind us now and his renewed energy to contend with, Thane and I are trying to get out more frequently. I continued lately to struggle with the change in his guide work that resembled a beginner, but I kept with it believing that this too would resolve itself just as so many symptoms of the disease had.

Today when we headed out, we were right behind the garbage truck. I really did not feel like dealing with his exhaust, frequent stops and starts, and careless approach to handling of the empty garbage cans so I decided to do something different for our pre-bus trip walk.

We headed the opposite direction we normally do to connect with the bus. We got to the main street the bus runs on for heading out of town and I just decided to take it towards down town. We've actually never gone that direction on that street before so this was a brand new experience for both of us. I laid my head back on the headrest and relaxed for the first time since all this began; just letting Thane do the job he was trained to do and you know what, we survived! LOL No, seriously, we got on the sidewalk from hell. You know the kind- those where in many places the sidewalk was completely gone from disrepair so that we had to navigate carefully through or around the areas. We did so without a hair on our heads out of place (so to speak)

Thane's work was relaxed, with a much easier pull than I had experienced from him in a while. I was letting him do his job instead of issuing the frequent commands of *easy*, *slow down*, *surface* or the like. I took myself out of the backseat driver mode and let him do what I had trained him to do. He excelled and we had an awesome day together.

It's funny how when I looked at what was wrong in his work, I always looked for problems with him when at this point (at least lately) I was the obstacle standing in our way.

A Hiccup

2012-01-07T08:46:00.000-08:00

Thane's been doing doorbell alerts with absolute perfection when I trigger the training doorbell unit. I keep it hidden in my pocket, trigger it when he is not near me, watching me, or in the same room as me. In other words, I make this as normal as I can for the real experience (minus the presence of a person on the other side of the door). Its only been a couple days, so I get that it will take some time before this is really a solid skill.

Yesterday I had some packages arrive. One by UPS and one by USPS. When the doorbell rang, I ignored the pager and stayed where I was awaiting Thane's alert only it did not happen. For UPS, he eventually came about halfway back to me, but never all the way to me. With USPS he did not even leave the door so I had to go ahead and respond to the pager on this one.

The only difference that I can ascertain between the training doorbell practice and the real deal is that there is a person on the other side of the door. Thane is a real people dog- meaning he would be a social butterfly if he were not a service dog.

I'm unsure how I can rectify this situation. I can't be made toxic multiple times a day by people. I also don't really have physical friends. Its a sad reality that many people who live with severe MCS face. Thane is my everything- my service dog, my companion, my friend. The point of sharing this is that I can't call up a friend and ask them to come each day at different times to ring my doorbell for some real practice.

This part of the month when orders are coming in, there is more practice opportunity, but generally my doorbell might get wrung once a week otherwise. As you see, not a very good setup for training now is it?

I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure if in time, the person on the other side of the door will fit into Thane's criteria for alerting me to the door. I'm really taken back by this hiccup and am not really sure just how to address it. I have to admit, I find this funny. Thane is way too smart for his own good sometimes. This scenario with a person on the other side of the door, in his mind, must not be what we trained for. LOL

2012 Starts with a Bang!

2012-01-05T23:25:00.001-08:00

Its been an exhilarating past couple of days. Thane's door knock alert that ended 2011 on a high note was just the beginning of what he had in store.

The dream of a well rounded hearing dog was as of yet, still very much a dream rather than reality in my partnership with Thane. Though he did fairly well with in harness and public access type of alerts necessary for my safety, those in our home life were hit and miss at best.

That is until now

For the longest time I really wondered if Thane could ever achieve this training- if we would ever be a hearing dog team. The last couple days have proven to me that the stars are our limit (to use a cliche). Once I saw that Thane actually did make the connection to put each step in the chain of events for an alert together, I realized it was time for me to make the time to focus once more on training with Thane.

Right now I don't much care what the reason is for the change in our ability to pull this off- though just about everyone seems to concur that it has to do with Lyme receding. What has become important to me is that the hope I saw at the end of 2011, has become much more than that. It has become reality as we spend time working together on the doorbell alert.

As I returned to the training phase of the doorbell alert, it was pretty clear that the alert to a door knock on New Year's Eve was not just a coincidence. The first day back at the grind, Thane alerted perfectly 3 out of 5 times. The two times that were not perfect just needed some work on follow through. He seemed to have the concept when we were a good distance from each other, but when we were in close proximity the follow through was lacking. Despite that aspect, I truly felt this was an amazing start after all the struggles we encountered in the past just trying to put two parts of the chain together.

This was just to be the beginning of what was to come though. Today's practice has been amazing. Every single time I triggered the doorbell (with my backup training unit), Thane bounded to the door, back to me, and back to the door with me in tow. One time I stopped midway just to see what would happen. To my happy surprise, Thane bounded back to me with a follow-up alert and back to the door with me on his tail.

I'd be unrealistic if I were to say that this alert is trained solidly enough that he will be able to perform it with such perfection from here on out. That said, it does not squelch my enthusiasm over the joy that is bubbling within me. This is a huge accomplishment that at various times I actually wondered if it would ever ring true.

Over the past two years, Lyme stole a lot from our partnership that I had no idea the depths of. Now though, with Lyme receding and the fog lifted, I am getting the opportunity to experience the partnership (and training) that we were meant to have.

There is Hope Yet

2011-12-31T20:58:00.000-08:00

I have not wrote much about accomplishments this year. I have struggled a lot over the ground we have lost through Lyme as well as training indoor alerts as a general rule.

Lately I have been trying to work with Thane again in regards to the door alert. We lost a lot of ground with indoor alerts especially through Lyme. I had purchased a second tactile pager to use in our training. Since things fell apart, I decided to just start back at square one again. Some days he seems to get the aspect of show the door, but it takes work to put the alert and showing the door together. I keep it short to keep it fun, but we don't practice nearly enough- hampered by his med and supplement dosing schedule (some of which require as much as an hour of no food in the stomach time before and after)

Tonight was pawsitively amazing!

We were in the bedroom and Thane took off like he was on a mission, but I was unsure just what that might be since the tactile pager did not go off. I went part way which put me in the same room as him, but a good distance away. I did not go further because I was unsure where he was. A moment passed and he raced to me in his paws alert that we have trained as the hearing dog alert for in home alerts. After that, he raced me to the door.

I grabbed my mask to answer it because he was persistent. No one was there at the time, but if Thane heard the door, then someone was there. Of course I did not have treats, clicker, not even a toy, but boy I praised him for a job well done.

My neighbor has her grand daughter from hell staying with her. She is old enough to know better and to behave, but lets just say that she will always be a thorn in my side. The manager has been at her wits end with the situation. Tonight though her knock on the neighbors door before grandma notices I am gone paid off for us. There is something good to come out of it all.

I will admit I was having a downer day today in just dealing with how much of our year got swallowed up by Lyme. Having this take place tonight was just- how else can I put it, but Pawsitively Pawsome!

Just WOW!

2011-12-15T16:19:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been trying hard to work with Thane's excessive energy in regards to our work. Once I realized this was not a phase, but the process of Lyme receding, I began taking a more training approach to all of it.

Yesterday this paid off. The entire day was not perfect, but overall I saw that by using equipment like the GL, playing before outings, and walking long routes all could play a part in bringing our function as a team back to the way I remember it being.

Thane definitely needs more in this season than I am able to reasonably give him. Between the weather and my abilities, its a hard place to be as energy comes bounding back! We've been lucky this month though. We are experiencing an unseasonably dry December. Its often very cold, but as long as I can bundle up enough, we make good use of the days when I am able.

Yesterday I took a trip to New Seasons with him. Though he wanted to ice walk the floors excessively which took a lot of work to get him to slow down and walk on his feet, I still felt overall like things were going better than some previous outings lately where I was frankly half ready to retire him. The trip home went really smoothly- perhaps he was finally using up some of that extra energy grin.

We got home to discover that one of my neighbors had been running their exhaust fan and the exhaust fan cover I use to prevent neighbors from filling my apartment with their toxins had fallen off. It was horrible in here. This complex (despite what they try and make tenants believe) uses shared exhaust outlet. Rather than each apartment being a single outlet to the roof, they all come together and have a single outlet. This also means when one person runs their exhaust fan, it floods someone elses apartment. If that person happens to have MCS, it's not a pretty picture.

I was exhausted from the big trip to New Seasons, but we needed more foil tape for Dad to fix the vent cover. I planned to leave Thane home because I really did not expect he would want to turn back around and work again. He's the kind of dog who once you are home, it has taken a lot of work and training to get him willing to do something else again.

I was surprised when Thane was ready to go again. I harnessed him up and off we went to the hardware store- clear down where we catch the bus after taking the long walk in the morning. Thane worked flawlessly which was so great for me. We spent a lot of the evening playing toys in the bedroom. It was a lot of fun watching Thane begin to play by himself at times again. It was like I was seeing a side of Thane that I have not seen in a very long time.

I know Thane needs more than I am able to give him on a daily basis. That is a hard thing for me because I want to give him what he needs. That all said, I plan to do my very best as we continue to press through the remainder of Lyme and re-learn how to work together as a team with all this energy!

The Energizer Bunny Returns

2011-12-07T19:03:00.000-08:00

Those who have known me since Thane entered my life know that one of my nicknames for Thane is *The Energizer Bunny*. Those who know us IRL can attest to the amount of energy Thane had back then. The commercial of the energizer bunny who kept going and going and going pretty much summed up what Thane is like.

Thane had begun to settle as he matured. This was awesome for me as clearly had he been a program dog, this match never would have happened. I am an individual with the need of a medium harness pull at best and Thane well, his pull was hard. As he matured (or so that's what I believed it to be), his pull became more of a medium in at least three quarters of the situations we encountered.

Fast forward to present day- Lyme is receding and losing its grip on Thane. As it does, his symptoms are being checked off as they become resolved or at the least significantly diminished. The dog who collapsed in late June, is now a dog who has enough energy for every living being in this town! Needless to say I have discovered that Thane had not just matured, but Lyme had reduced the energy he had to give.

This year, I have been visited by profound nerve pain and increased sensory loss. Though it is easier to work with when I am not on the computer, as a deafblind individual, my computer is my lifeline to the world. This isn't just about social needs, but about business requirements as well. With all of this going on, Thane's increased energy and thus increased pull in harness has been beyond rough on me.

It was not until today that I learned this was about Lyme receding and not just about Thane being a handful, stubborn, or whatever other word you choose to employ here. smile This is not the way Thane was a month ago in any way shape or form.

When I got home today, I was pulling my hair out. I hurt so bad that all I could think or say was that if Thane did not find a way to snap out of this, the R word (retirement) may have to be employed in the area of guide dog. Thane is a combo trained service dog so it would not be the end of the road, but it would most definitely change my ability to function in the world.

You can imagine my resolve once I learned that this was about Lyme receding. On one hand it was a let down knowing this is here to stay, but on the other hand, I think it gave me some ideas on just how to approach what is taking place- ie wear the boy out with some hard play before heading out to town.

Boy we sure could use those kids he was growing up with about right now! LOL

Dry Spells Are Good!

2011-12-06T09:56:00.000-08:00

We are in a dry spell where the weather is concerned. After the excessive rain and flooding of November this is a very good thing in our book. Dry means we can do stuff- well sort of. Right now we are in an inversion where it is warmer in the mountains than it is here LOL It just means we have to wait until later in the day to head out and do anything much.

After the mishap last week with the max, there are ramifications I am still dealing with. Thane has been awesome adjusting to my temporary albeit more pronounced issues for the time being.

With this crisp and dry weather though, it's really fun to get out and work with Thane- even if it's just in town. It's giving me the opportunity to evaluate how he is coming along in regards to the effects of Lyme. Though his distraction level can be a bit high at times in areas where we are not used to encountering other people, overall I would say he is really coming along.

Focus, cognition, collagen (which affects eyes as well as skin and coat) are the symptoms that I am trying to evaluate at this stage of the game. I have to admit that in some areas the improvements are much more pronounced than in others, but I also know that patience is crucial at this stage of the game.

The fact that Thane was able to guide me in the dark last week and not just for a short distance has replaced any doubts I once had about his full return to duty. I feel hopeful though I have to remind myself at times that all of the healing won't be happening tomorrow. Smile

While the meteorologists complain about our lack of precipitation, I am making my list and checking it twice for adventures to take during this unseasonably dry start to December VBG

Happy Woofday Chimette

2011-12-04T01:45:00.000-08:00

Some people find it odd that I still celebrate these special days. I probably always will- not just for Met, but for all my successor dogs as well. OK I may not be able to celebrate these days with new toys and the like without breaking the bank by the time I am on my fourth or fifth dog, but these days will always hold special meaning in my heart.

If Met were still in our lives, he would now be fifteen years old. I often think about this concept. I have many friends like Rox'E at the Doghouse- Let the Fur Fly blog who have senior retired guide, hearing, or service dogs. Though I feel very happy for them that their dogs are still in their lives, I know that no matter what way I slice it, I would not want Met to still be in my life.

Please don't take this the wrong way. For over a decade, Met was my entire life quite literally. From the time he began public access, I can count on one hand the times when I went somewhere without him. In these situations, I had someone else with me. They were very specific situations where there was a huge reason for leaving him home alone. Because of my approach though, I was quite literally afraid of the outside world. By losing Met when I did, I was forced to face the reality of my progressive disabilities. In a sense, Met's death allowed me to gain a level of independence I never felt possible. Lets face it, I grew up a lot through a loss that I never imagined I would ever rise above.

Met's life was not an easy one. Though we gained great control over his vaccinosis, it was forever a balancing game of tweaking meds, supplements, or the like. It was a partnership where I had to think just as much or more about how what I needed to do would impact him as to my needs to head out. In hindsite, I see that this partnership should have ended before his time on earth did.

I don't have near the regrets now that I had when I lost him. Met's life taught me things that I never would have learned otherwise. Essentially I did a whole lot of growing up through the journey through vaccinosis and progressive disabilities.

One thing I was able to admit after Met's passing and still feel to this day is that I am relieved by his passing. Don't get me wrong- I still have moments from time to time when it stings and I just miss him, but I know that death was the kindest thing that ever could have happened. I can't imagine what his life would be like, had he not succumbed to the disease back in 2007. It was his time. I can see that just as clearly as I did back on that beautiful autumn day in 2007.

I will forever love and cherish the dog who showed me that my disabilities did not have to be so complicated and difficult to manage and rise above. I will forever be grateful for the journey filled with lessons- both good ones and tough ones; for in experiencing them, I was able to grow in ways I never fathomed possible

Forever those auburn eyes will be burned into my mind as they led me through life's uncertainties

Thankyou my sweet tri-colored boy for showing me just how much I could accomplish with you at my side

Quite a Day!

2011-12-02T18:09:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Thane and I had the opportunity to really get out of town without the need to do errands. He has been showing the boredom and high energy side that I recall from pre-Lyme during the rainy season. We got a rare dry spell for the start of December though and by all means I was going to take advantage of it.

It was quite cold when we set off, but beautiful. Thane loves the cool and cold weather (silly man). Me, on the other hand, as long as its dry and I can bundle up enough to keep warm enough, I am game. smile

At first I was not sure where we would wind up, but I really did not want to go back to the trail so soon and especially not on such a cold day. Its significantly colder in that woodsy trail area. Instead of the trail, I decided that we would head to Clackamas. I knew Thane had a lot of energy now thanks to the progress in his Lyme treatment and all the rain we have had lately keeping us penned up in the apartment.

We caught the bus and I was relieved that it was one of my favorite drivers and not the driver I had to report for refusing to ask people to move for me. This driver was awesome and gave me a pass until 5PM. I thought gee 5PM we could do an awful lot in that time (except we needed to be home before dark).

We got to my stop, and my chair would not move! I was a bit leery about this but this chair has always had a quirk. There is something called drive lockout with the tilt. It's supposed to engage at a certain point where it would be considered dangerous to drive and be tilted. In theory that is the way it works, but my chair has always locked out at all different ranges, even stupidly low ones. That said, this chair also had a problem with its joy stick control connection once because the idiots who put it together did not screw the pins in on the parallel cord. Its placed right in the armrest side cover which is easy to hit things when you misjudge your clearance. I kept thinking though that this was happening at the worst possible time. I both fiddled with that connection and lowered the tilt so I have no idea which was the answer- most likely the tilt as the connection still appeared solidly connected. PHEW! was what I felt when it started though.

Some people would have taken that as a signal to go home, but since I was pretty sure it was the tilt, we went ahead to the max. While on the max I decided to go look at the neat toys and other doggie stuff at REI. There are two REI's we could use, but one requires a bus that only runs once an hour. It also is not quite as good in the doggie wares There were a few things I have wanted to see in person before deciding if they are an appropriate item both for Thane and with my MCS detox needs.

Off we went for the biggest adventure since the collapse from Lyme. We had a great time actually. Thane was so in tune with my needs while at the same time having this need to follow the edge (thanks Capstar). We checked out some neat toys which though they were quite unique, I knew they either would never detox or would not do so in the time frame I had to work with. There are some that I would definitely consider in the future.

There is one aspect I do not like about this outside mall, REI is near the end of it and you have to go around the entire circle and deal with idiots who think stepping in front of a guide dog and power wheelchair using handler is no big deal. I don't know how many times we had to swerve one way or another to miss leveling folks who are more interested in texting on their iphones than what is going on around them! LOL

On the way back there was another sidewalk approach that would allow us to leave the shop area pretty immediately so I said what the heck, I'm game *let's try it* WHOOPS! It had beautiful sidewalk access all the way up to the street but then no sidewalk, no crossing, NADA We backtracked through the parking lot a tad and managed to pull it off safely, but we won't take that shortcut again smile

Things had gone relatively smoothly and Thane was getting to ride his trains. He loves to take long train rides. We were headed home when all of a sudden, we were all disembarked! There had been a power outage with the Max system that affected a number of the stops. All of a sudden that wonderful bus pass was not looking like it was going to be good enough to get us home. It took 45 minutes to get a shuttle which they said was going to take at most ten minutes LOL That was the second shuttle and still not enough for the initial influx of people from three different max lines that all converged on one transit center.

We took everything in stride. It was a beautiful day albeit cold. The workers from Trimet did an exceptional job assuring I understood what was going on and that I got where I needed to be to get a shuttle. Being deafblind can be quite disconcerting when plans change and no one tells you what is happening- they all just disembark! LOL

I was wary though before I even got off the max. It was dark. I have not worked Thane in the dark since Lyme impacted him so dramatically which included an impact on his eyes. I also have severe photosensitivity. The contrast of the dark with all lighting- headlights, street lights, signs, fluorescent lighting, etc all are huge triggers for me. I was really unsettled by how my body was acting. Thane can sense these changes in me I believe. Anytime it happens he is a lot more cautious of my needs, his pull, his enthusiasm and takes great care with me so that we both get where we need to safely. This was much the case as we de-boarded max, thanked the gentleman who helped clear the path for me, and headed for the bus to ride the rest of the way to our town.

I was so proud of Thane! He showed he can work in the dark, but also found the bus we needed in a big transit center from a direction we have never taken to access that bus. When we got off in town it was such a relief to be out of the crammed like sardines travelling we had been doing all afternoon.I knew a lot of toxic cleanup awaited me. Right now though it was decision time. Was Thane really up to the task of guiding us all the way home or did I pull out my guide cane and heel him.

We had an all sidewalk route other than two small street crossings so I decided to give Thane the chance to shine and shine he did! I became very disoriented and yet, Thane kept moving us forward towards home- alerting me to any obstacle, bump, driveway, or intersection. This is the kind of situation in which he truly excels and makes me feel like all the hard work, worry, stress, and yes frustration have all been worth it!

This was not the kind of adventure I anticipated when we headed out the door, but Thane sure got to show me just what he was cut out for on this day full of changes.

Another Gotcha Day for Thane

2011-11-13T13:29:00.000-08:00

Anniversaries are things to hold close to your heart and celebrate- each and every time they come around (for the living). Today is just such a day for Thane and I. November 13, 2007 Thane took a very long trip across the country by two planes to become my successor to Met.

I will remember that moment with his muzzle resting in my hands for eternity. It was that connection I needed to resolve my sorrow of the lost partnership and companionship of Met. It was as if Thane knew what I needed. Not in terms of service, but in terms of healing my broken heart.

I'm trying today to think about who Thane is to me- all we have achieved and experienced together instead of about the uncertainties I feel about whether or not this partnership will survive. That's not for now- not because of the date but because its too soon to be making any decisions about our future.

Thane is fast, agile, and if I'd let him, he'd be jumping out of the starting gate all the time! We still work on containing this over-zealous side. He prefers hide and seek be that he hides and I seek- then when I can't find it (which is about 99.9 percent of the time) he comes and points his nose and body to where he left it. If I still can't find it he comes in for a close up of the same stature. He is definitely a herding dog. Sometimes I wonder what he would be like with sheep and wonder if this life was the right one for him. Then he breaks hard when a car is ready to plow us down and I know that he is the best gift I could have imagined.

I love the memories of all of our firsts- from obstacle avoidance in training, to saving my life when drivers forget what a crosswalk is. From the first trip to the toy store once he was comfortable riding the bus, to learning to ride max (something never done with Met), to trips on max to the trail, to the transit center for a nice walk around the community there, to trips into Portland and beyond- yes beyond. Of the recent experience where I wasn't focused enough on his alert of an Emergency Vehicle so he blocked me until I paid good attention. From the first time he did a solid retrieve, to the first time he actually tugged a door or the fridge open, to the first time he nudged the fridge door closed with power instead of a slight nudge that let gravity complete the task, to the time he recycled his ball because it seemed the thing to do after a bit of training with bags and baskets- all of these things (and there are many more) put smiles on my face today because I know without this day (November 13, 2007) there would not be all these awesome firsts and experiences- there would not be a dog mitigating so much.

This year put great limitations on our partnership. Our summers are usually spent with many pleasure trips where we can enjoy life and each other. This summer did not allow for that- in fact it was late fall before we made it to the trail. I have to admit though, that outing was one of the happiest days in our partnership as we took back our life that Lyme stole.

I wasn't going to talk about all this today, but every time I tried not to include it, I realized just how much its a part of who we are. This day is special. Perhaps I feel how special it is because I realize how close we really came to losing it all. Thane was diagnosed just days before he went into a complete collapse. This wasn't early onset, it was late onset and my hope for a quick resolution faded fast. Its hard to fathom what would have become of him, of me, of us had it not been for a very special friend battling this disease for a number of years. Today, Thane and I owe her this day of ours!

Thane has been my rock for four years. He had been offered to me when he was just two months old. Met was struggling and I certainly did not feel I had what it took to help him and raise a puppy. Of course I also had no idea that within six months of turning down the puppy, Met would be gone. I have heard that he was offered to others, but just like me, it was not the right time. This all played out for a reason- so Thane could still be there when it was the right time. Boy I'm so glad for how things worked out!

I thought I would close this entry with a poem I wrote for Thane in 2008. Though we have re-worked some alerts such as the one for emergency vehicles, it basically shares where my mind/ head was at the time- trying to move on with Thane but realizing part of me was still with Met.

May I have this dance?
I can work this job
Youth on my side--
spunky yet agile
I halt in perfection
saluting
steel on wheels

Differences of style
not mistakes
unique
attributes of me

I zag
where he zigged
sway as a boat
on calm seas
try to pace traffic
just my immaturity

Sharp
head turns left
watch that cup tossed aside
cart blocks the way
hedge protruding
a twig or a branch
oh my--
construction ahead

Whoa!
Hard Halt!
Pardon--
that speedsters way fast!

Sirens approach
Hard Halt, quick sit
as 9-1-1 I instruct

Each outing new
as a competitive course
head turns slightly
be it right
be it left
directional cues
the path I must choose

High alert
be they patient
or rude
no need to hurry
your safety
my concern

Entrances a puzzle
single door
double door
automatic
buzz us in
new challenges await

Each turn of my head
a distant world I relate
Through eyes, ears, paws, tail
every movement a cue
in my role for you

Girthed in harness
or just fur
my role as your guide
as a nose nuzzling friend
unconditional love
a bond tightly formed
time, training, and trust
independence
comes with each step

Accept me, for me
it's time for my chance
give me this job
I really can dance!

by Karyn E LaGrange
copyright 2008

The Border Collie Boys

2011-10-19T17:31:00.000-07:00

This entry is for the fifth Assistance Dog Blog Carnival. The topic for this carnival is achievement.

There are many areas I can reflect upon as an owner trainer of not one but two successful Border Collie multiple disability trained service dogs, but for me the biggest achievement isn't in the overcoming of medical hurdles in each of my dogs, or training two dogs for multiple disabilities, or any specific task they have been trained to perform for me, but it lies in the independence I have gained by the massive achievement of training my dogs with all the naysayers out there (especially when I took this on with Chimette having never had a program trained dog).

I had waited for over eight years on a waiting list for a program dog when they decided they wanted to start my application all over. Once my deteriorating vision became known, I became one of those *not really fit* candidates. I decided that I was just not going to take any more delays from the program and set off to find a dog to train myself- something the program insisted I could NEVER accomplish on my own.

Enter Chimette- a 6 month old Border Collie Shepherd cross from a rescue I was referred to. There were times I felt like I was insane to think I could train my own service dog, but through the help of a friend, I stuck with him. Chimette AKA Met was in many ways a natural service dog. He learned things really quickly that I trained him and more times than not, began doing things that merely needed me to fine tune the alert for. In instinct, curiosity, trying new things he was the absolute best candidate for a first time trainer. In terms of breed, fear and behavior which later was determined to be vaccinosis, he was the absolute worst candidate. In fact, at one point, I had resolved myself to training him for non-public access only. As his issues resolved and he came out of what we called *his shell* life in public access was pursued.

I had no concept of just how much my life would change with a trained service dog at my side. As my disabilities progressed over the years and new ones joined the ranks, I kept training. The choice to adopt him so as to train my own service dog allowed me to achieve an independence with progressive disabilities that I never would have imagined possible. Met showed me a truly remarkable thing- a life where relying on humans was replaced by relying on a four legged unconditional friend who carried me through some of the most unspeakable changes in my health and abilities, while at the same time changing something inside of me- changing my mindset about my limitations and what life was like from so pessimistic to the picture of optimism.

As Met aged, I knew theoretically his retirement time was drawing closer. He had already outlived the veterinarians prognosis by five years by then. I had no idea even with that knowledge though, that he would be passing before full retirement would come to pass. I had often thought about the differences in me since Met came into my life. It was not about how he changed my outlook so much, but the fact that my disabilities without Met, would be quite severe. Could I really pull off training a successor? These were just thoughts in my mind though. I had no picture yet of how much Met did- how much of my independence was about him until the day he breathed his last.

When Thane arrived as a nine month old nearly clean slate just three months after Met's passing, it was only then that I realized just how much I had done with Met. I had begun adapting to my disabilities by then through the use of various equipment purchases and technologies but the struggle to perform the tasks was still profound. I really wondered if life would ever again have the level of ease that Met's skill had provided me with. I was quite literally wracked with pain all the time from the methods of accommodation available to me. Due to my MCS, human assistance could only come from my folks and though they tried to help when they could, they just are not able to help in the areas that I could really benefit from.

Thane was an awesome dog, but the trauma from the flight and the fact that he had to be vaccinated just days before to comply with airline regulations made for a very different dog than he was beforehand not to mention the ramifications of stress on the immune system. As a result of my grief and his needs to adapt to such a new life we spent a lot of the winter doing things the wrong way.

As owner trainers, learning from mistakes teaches us more than if everything goes smoothly though. smile The process of leash training while trying to control a power wheelchair, use a guide cane and a tactile mini guide left me feeling like maybe my doubts were warranted- maybe my disabilities were now too severe for me to successfully train a successor dog. Everyone who knows me, knows I don't give up on anything easily. I craved the level of independence I had achieved with Met and knowing what I had lost kept me pushing forward asking questions on multiple lists over and over and over again. It's a wonder people did not strangle me for how much I vented about leash work with Thane. Eventually I got an awesome tip from a gal on a clicker based guide list and the rest shall we say was history. I was finally able to communicate effectively with Thane. He was finally able to understand what I was asking of him. It was an achievement far above any task I had trained Met to do or fine tuned from his instincts. This successful training meant that we could move forward now- there was potential for not just me to train my successor but for this beautiful red and white boy to become my successor.

Training Thane was not as straight forward as it was with Met. Once the foundation training was behind us, I had to evaluate my disabilities and the tasks I needed from Thane. Thane was not a natural. He would test my skill, confidence, and patience as we pursued through each task. I had to break down each task into their individual segments back chaining until we reached the end goal. I had to quite literally really train as opposed to fine tuning as I did with many of Met's tasks. So many people were there for me to make this a success. For fear of leaving someone out, they shall remain nameless in this blog, but you all know who you are and hopefully have a grasp of just how much your training pointers mean even today as I work independently with my successor dog.

In the beginning there were a number of things I wanted and needed NOW NOW NOW! It was one of the hardest things I had to do- to slow down and work on the things that Thane showed interest, curiosity and understanding in as opposed to what Karyn needed first. I was fortunate that one of the most pain wracking areas (use of a guide cane) was an area at which Thane was excelling in that first spring together. Over the summer he continued to excel in that area going from an in training guide to a green guide dog that needed new experiences to cement his skill, but was very much showing me that he had the ability to leave Met's pawprints in the dust in this area.

It was almost laughable because so many people think of Border Collies as these superb hearing dogs and yet, the one area Thane seems to be a natural at (if any could be called this), is as a guide dog. I have a level of trust and the return of independence with him at my side that is so much beyond Met.

Thane's training continues in many areas and will until the day he retires. He has become a well rounded guide, and service task dog and has a number of hearing alerts under his belt. He's beginning to recognize changes in me when my MCS is being affected so have every reason to believe that he will succeed at this as well.

Thane has never had that high level of curiosity and intrigue that one would look for when evaluating a dog for such a spectrum of disabilities. As a result, I have had to work extra hard and much longer than I sometimes felt we should be doing. Many people would have retired or career changed such a dog, but the fact remains that I know when the chips are down and my life is on the line, Thane will keep me safe. He has proven his training more times than I can count, but also showed me this spring that my safety is paramount when a car ran a yield light as we were crossing in a crosswalk.

Independence is a great achievement for someone with multiple progressive disabilities. It's something I wondered if I would ever really achieve again. Though I have the benefit of experience from the interval between Met and Thane coupled with my knowledge that my disabilities have progressed even further since Thane came into my life, I choose not to focus on that big question in the back of my mind- will I be able to train Thane's successor, but focus instead on the moments of independence that we achieve each and every day, all because I took the chance to try it again.

Met and Thane are my rocks!

Our Awesome Day

2011-09-28T17:59:00.000-07:00

We have had a return to some beautiful dry weather again. It was a perfect opportunity today to get out for an errand and see if my new rigid handle hardware could be adapted to for public access or if, like most in wheelchairs feel, rigid hardware just can not be done with the wide turns and obstacle avoidance as a wheelchair guide team or if we could in fact do this.

I love the feel the handle gives me as Thane guides. Its so much more precise. Movements that before felt so jerky due to the flexibility in the handle connection, now feel pristine.

I can't remember a time when I felt so sure of what Thane was telling me than I did today. It was just the most amazing feeling. My vision has been on a steady decline and as a result, I was feeling like I needed some sort of change to better understand the communication through the harness that Thane was providing to me. This is a team effort. Thane can only provide his end of the equation. He can't decipher what I have to when the handle flexibility leaves me questioning just how far to the right or left I need to move for the obstacle clearance.

We work well as a team, but with the ever changing level of my blindness, I just knew I needed more. I'm proud of this day. It was a day where I was able to capture a snapshot of how great a team we have become- a snapshot of being flexible enough (yes, even my redhead Border Collie who is so set in his ways), to make the changes together- to learn how to work once more with new gear that will broaden our independence as the shining team we have become.

Lyme may have stunted us for a while, but I feel like the light is beginning to glimmer again. He is full of energy, stamina, and bounces when I say lets head to town. A long summer indeed, but one where so much progress has occurred.

No, we are not done the fight, but with many symptoms a thing of the past, our focus is now on the fact that we are back as a team and that is just the most wonderful feeling.

Life is Good

2011-09-16T09:30:00.000-07:00

The season is winding down. We went from our really atypical September 90's to 60's Brrrrr I hate drastic temperature changes. My body does better acclimating when its slow changing. Thane however loves these temps LOL

Though our summer feels like it passed us by as we worked on bringing Thane back from Lyme, that was quite a treat to have a bit of September Summer so to speak- or at least it was a treat to me.

During this time, I worked what may have felt tirelessly on figuring a way to address Thane's icepack needs with the new harness design. It seemed everything was failing and would fail. I did many sewing projects trying to create things differently that would provide the cooling he got with his flatpacks years before. Finally I stumbled upon it. YOWSER! A single flat ice pack is used on his back that fits perfectly with a small adjustment in the loop connection that required no modifications. Next summer he will appreciate this more than he can now in our 60 degree temps LOL

We are enjoying life again though. Every once in a while I see a clown emerge and it makes me just laugh, smile and forget about what we have been through for at least that time. I am a firm believer in the fact that trials can make you into a stronger team if you allow them to do so.

We've allowed them to do so

Beauty at First Sight

2011-09-10T12:15:00.000-07:00

Today I celebrate Chimette's life- the life of the one that started it all. Anniversaries are always tough, but Met's especially so with 9-11 following it, I have the nation each year reminding me of my loss. Some years are easier, but this one has been tougher with the struggles for Thane. This is Thane's blog, but in a sense there would not be a Thane if there had not been Chimette- so it seems fitting to remember him today here. I thought I would share some memories today- just perhaps a glimpse, but things I was thinking about.

I was mesmerized by that beautiful tri-colored pup huddled in the back of the crate at the adoption center. Though I saw the other puppies and dogs there, I did not really see them. I only saw this beautiful Border Collie mix boy. I loved him before I even touched his soft fur. There was just something inside telling me he was meant for me. I spent what seemed like hours sitting there talking to him. No one told me to move along or anything like that. I finally had to leave and as I did I looked behind at him as though I was making the biggest mistake of my life leaving him there.

It was a Saturday and there was one hiccup that prevented me from adoption on the spot- well two actually. He was only 6 months old and our lease required dogs be a year old. I had to get permission to have him, had to hope no one else got the connection I did with him, and I also had to go on a petstore shopping spree. I knew nothing about dog care besides that from the pets we had growing up.

After he joined my life, I made some bad decisions along the way, allowed myself to be pressured by a vet to do things her way as opposed to what I wanted and was comfortable with. Met paid the consequences of that in a huge way.

This pup would change my life forever in the ten years we were together. I never imagined the ease of which I could live life with a dog at my side helping me with chores, alerting me to sounds, guiding me through life. He was my first and the first as long as you are a good match and bond well is always the one you compare others to (or so I have been told)

Met and I lived a very tumultuous life together throughout our partnership between my health and his it often felt like we were on a roller coaster. My sedentary lifestyle allowed for me to work with him throughout his life but I learned a lot in hindsite too- things I would do differently now. This song Stand By Me by Ben E. King really says it all

Stand By Me

When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we'll see
No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darlin', darlin', stand by me,
oh now now stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me

If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
And the mountains should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darlin', darlin', stand by me,
oh stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me, stand by me-e, yeah

Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me,
oh now now stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

Darlin', darlin', stand by me-e, stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

He was my first and as my first, he will always hold my heart- from the memories of him as a 6 month old puppy where life for both of us was more carefree


Chimette lays beside my wheelchair shortly after adoption

To the journey through what I would later learn was vaccinosis, but amidst all that he learned how to be just the dog I needed- he became my ears, my eyes, my hands, my all

Chimette adapts to a new disability- getting the hang of guiding me

Above all Met became my best friend reducing the isolation I felt when my MCS went into full gear. He became my very own sidekick. He always knew when I needed a cuddle, a kiss, or a great big laugh. One thing I miss most about him is his talking. He was one of the most expressive dogs I ever knew back then. I did not realize how much I missed that until recently. Thane is not a talker like Met was. I am letting myself remember the silly talkative memories today and mostly I am laughing about them.


Met and I in harness for a picture February 2005

There was so much I learned from this beautiful boy and our journey- medical lessons are always hard but the key is to learn from them and that I did in leaps and bounds. I never imagined though just how much my life would change when I brought that silly pup into my life. Honestly I did not know if I had what it took to train my own. Though there was a time when I felt Met did not have what it took, he proved me wrong. Together we proved just what a tenacious team can do when given the chance. He changed my life, my outlook, and my independence for the better. I learned so much- broadened horizons by being partnered with such a spectacular dog. He truly was special.

Met and I needed a lot of adaptations to our way of life, to the way we worked together, so we broadened our horizens through agility enabling us to flow in better sinc- as though we were one being often times.

Collage of Met and I doing agility obstacles-teeter, weave poles,jumps, A frame, tunnel

He was in all senses of the word, my very best friend. There are so many songs we used throughout our life together. During harder times I would sing to Met as we went along. A common one was the chorus to You are My Sunshine but The Dance by Garth Brooks is special to me when I think back over our life and the passing of Met on his anniversary.

The Dance

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I the king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance

Venting on Attitudes

2011-09-03T14:09:00.000-07:00

As long as I have trained my dogs, I have tried hard to surround myself with those who have positive attitudes about owner training as well as those who get how different working a dog from a wheelchair actually can be.

This has not been easy at all because that limits my exposure to the guide community substantially. Its only been of recent years that the view that the blind can not train their own guide dogs has begun to be trampled down by some of us who do it and do it well.

There's always been an issue I have had with advice from ambulatory disabled people- be they blind, deaf, or mobility impaired. After years of having to explain over and over again why their ideas won't work with a wheelchair team or that their ideas are unsafe, I've pretty much given up with explanations any more.

I'm on a couple of guide dog specific lists. Though I am a part of the lists, I always feel this attitude from some of the members- the attitude that because I owner train, I am missing a big part of what the programs can provide and therefore can't be certain that my approaches I chose are really the best. There's also that attitude that I am not really a part of the whole community not just because I don't go through programs but because I clicker train and God forbid I should offer someone some advice that just might be contrary to what their corrective based program would want.

Usually I just back away when the attitudes start coming. People offering advice about how they believe what I do is dangerous when its not (gotta be there to see how its done to judge that) and then offering me advice that is more of the same nonsense I've been fed for over a decade. I just get so sick of unrequested advice.

No matter what anyone wants to believe, just like I can't realistically know how much different my work with a guide is than how an ambulatory person works or trains their dogs other than knowing some of the differences in the approach to guiding, neither can the ambulatory really comprehend the ins and outs and dangers that the approaches they might take could present for someone working their dog from a wheelchair.

Offering true beneficial advice on the actual aspect that one is asking for input on is one thing, but where things go blurry is that the vast majority of those who think they know what's better for me and my dog are not even owner trainers or people who further their dogs training.

I just get so fed up

Right now I am going through a tough time. I don't have much patience for anyone or anything let alone busy bodies who think they know it all. I will admit that maybe these people think I could be more tactful but when you've been dealing with the same-ol, same-ol for over a decade, wouldn't you get tired of being all sweet and supportive in your responses. Its sorta like telling someone day in and day out why they can't pet or distract your dog.

I probably should have ignored the post altogether that claimed something I do to be dangerous since the person did not have all the facts to begin with, but alas I did not. In hindsite stupid really

I go through this kind of crap way too much on lists that are not multi-disciplined meaning lists that have one type of service animal as the focus and not ones that involve wheelchair users.

So for now, I'm taking a step back. I won't be reading posts on the list. I won't be replying to posts on the list. And above all I certainly won't post about any of the problems I am having for any sort of advice.

Some may feel I need to get a thicker skin, but honestly I think others need to open their eyes and think or consider asking more questions before judging whether I have enough experience or people with that experience at my disposal to ascertain what is safe or not (which btw I do)

Most of my ambulatory guide dog friends are awesome. They are folks from around the world who just get owner training. They get operant conditioning or at least that I am not going to use corrective measures as my focus with Thane. They freely admit that they don't have all the answers when offering suggestions which they know may or may not be something I can do either because of my disabilities themselves or because of safety concerns between the wheelchair and work with Thane.

For now, these are the kind of people I need to surround myself by. If others take offense because I just can't handle the slaps I get for speaking how I feel- then so be it. Its their problem really.

Optimism

2011-08-20T19:03:00.000-07:00

Summer has officially hit the Pacific Northwest. 96 in Portland by the five o'clock news which could go higher. Generally speaking, we tend to hit 2-3 degrees higher than that temperature in summer time unless winds are present from a cooler direction. That's not the case today. As for summer though, better late than never huh?

I had errands I needed to do this weekend. I procrastinated the New Seasons run, but figured I could use the two bus lines to get there today still since Sunday is the only day that line is unavailable. When I logged onto the website however to get bus times, I discovered that due to the airshow they had altered the route in a manner that made it not an option for us.

I struggled for about fifteen minutes over whether or not to give it an attempt using the Orenco max stop. I don't like the constant back and forth angles of the curbcuts on that street- leaves me disoriented at best. For Thane to go though, I decided to give that a go because the difference in pain would have been immense.

We had already got up over an hour earlier than usual to get all Thane's meds, supplements, Petz Life accomplished so it just made sense to give it a chance.

Thane really surprised me today. Though he still has some *follow the edge* necessity, it has tapered enough that I can live with it. His work was actually pretty right on for the most part as well. I would say he was about 90 per cent the norm today. In the process of Lyme from day to day, each day has differing function, but I am beginning to see more up days as long as I am careful not to overdo with him. These good days are leaving me with more of an optimism towards recovery.

We had to wait for both the max and the bus- why is it that on hot days we seem to *just* miss them? It was not too bad of a wait though either time- just ten to twelve minutes or so. The heat was not so bad so I decided to get off the bus a bit early and walk a bit before we got home because Thane still seemed full of energy. When we got off the bus though, I regretted that decision right away. It was significantly hotter in our town in comparison. Though we made it home alright, it's not a decision I would have made had I known just how much higher the barometer was here.

Thane rested in his swamp cooler while I spent a good deal of time rinsing, cutting, and freezing berries. The local strawberries were horrible. The produce man (not the usual good weekday guys) considered them good because they were just picked two days ago. Even I could tell that a good lot of them were spoiled beyond the edible. They also had no cover to their containers. I hate berries packaged that way as they not only are a trial to get home but they absorb store odors and can be contaminated by other peoples hands- be it germs or personal care products. Thankfully I found some good California ones that were packaged better for my needs. I also learned the California ones tend to be available for about eight or nine months out of the year.so its mostly the blueberries that I have to try and clean up on the next month or two. Thane was so patient as I wheeled from one berry display to the other and back again to the other to determine what ones I was going to take home. I like to support our local farmers but not when their product will just be dumped in my trash.

Thane was so good until a manager tried to walk over him. I really don't like people to walk over him because people can fall and where will they land? He got up and she stopped to apologize to him at which point he decided he should attempt to visit- ughhh That is the first time he has done that in ages, but he also has not worked a lot lately and she did not do the whole *ignore the working dog* routine so there's blame to go all the way around. smile

I sure was glad to get my sweatshirt off when we got back home and I know Thane was loving his wet towel wipe down. When I do the wipe down I wipe his entire body and spend extra time on his underside to cool him down some as well as to do a bit of a tick check. It's not as thorough as I would like, but under the circumstances of just getting home, it's better than not doing any. Then comes his swamp cooler. He does not like it going on as its got a tight neck, but he gets all waggy tail once the head is through because it feels good I am sure. If I find out the technology in it won't be ruined by cutting it, I may re-design the neck in it so it's easier to get on. A small is more designed for a Cocker Spaniel not a Border Collie so the neck circumference is not the best. Now that he has filled out more, I am seriously considering getting him a medium. Boy it's been wonderful to have it though- especially with the heat today and the reduction in cooling from having no trees out front.

I sat here all afternoon in my cooling vest and Thane in his swamp cooler. He spent the rest of the day either sleeping or playing with me- both of us were comfortable so I guess that is really all that really matters huh?

My Silly Dog

2011-08-12T19:44:00.000-07:00

I thought I should pull myself away from my mountain of housing re-cert paperwork and share something fun about Thane.

Thane has never been a dog with gusto confidence when it comes to getting his ball out of tight spots. Met was a lot this way and in time he developed major confidence in this so I had/ have no doubts with Thane. Thane's seems to be impacted by taking meds also. It does not seem to impact his work in public and when its necessary he will definitely retrieve things for me that are harder to get at, but there's always been this side to him and probably always will be to some extent.

There is one thing that I find absolutely silly, hilarious, create your own adjective for the scenario if you want after reading about it.

I live in an apartment set up (or at least in many ways set up) for a person in a wheelchair. They definitely thought that all people in wheelchairs have someone else cook and bake for them, but that's a whole other topic. Instead of a bath tub we have a large roll in shower. It sort of slopes to the drain so as to not flood the bathroom. As a result of this slope, Thane's ball always seems to find its way down to the drain.

I wash and hang my laundry in this shower so often times there are those *close confines* that Thane is not so comfortable with. By morning when I am removing the clothes from the line, there can be anywhere from one to five balls down at the drain level of the shower because someone would run get one from *toys* when he lost a ball rather than asking me to *encourage* him past the laundry, fan, and other paraphenalia.

Each morning after I have put the laundry away, Thane comes to retrieve the balls for me. Most dogs would walk down there, retrieve the ball in their mouth and bring it to you- right? Not Thane. From the very first time I had him go down into the shower to get a ball for us, I had to hold back my laughter. Thane is a very long dog, twenty-seven inches collar to base of tail. He walks down into the shower part way, stretches as far as possible, then nudges the ball to roll towards him. He does this all the way to the edge where the shower meets up with the bathroom linoleum flooring. At this point, he whips around and proudly produces the ball in my hand. It is so hilarious. Try as I might to train him to actually retrieve the ball at the drain position and walk back to me with his ball in his mouth- it just aint ever happening! This is the only toy he treats this way, the only place its treated this way and its just downright fun to experience.

You might ask why I find this fun, silly, hilarious- oh its because it is different than Met. It is different than any other dog I have ever read about. It is just a part of who he is and well- that makes it special in my book.

Keeping Busy

2011-08-03T00:06:00.000-07:00

The weather has been beautiful here in the Pacific Northwest FINALLY! Though I'd love to say we have been kicking up the dust behind our wheels and paws, we've been keeping busy in other ways. Taking some time to catch up on tasks left by the wayside from busy life requirements.

I've actually caught up on laundry, had the opportunity to make a new brace that was desperately needed, even washing and repairing some of the gear we use that we don't have extras of. In my spare moments, I am busy learning everything I can about Lyme and in turn, educating others about the importance of testing.

We may not be out in the glorious weather every day in the way we have been most years, but I am for sure enjoying the beauty of the sun beating down, the dry weather that I am able to do most of my solo trips in and frankly actually enjoying taking the time to tick check, massage, and stroke Thane in ways that busy life just never allowed for in the past.

You know how it is. You get caught up in the busy chores and errands of your life and forget to take time to actually enjoy the moments you have together. Though this isn't exactly the kind of thing I would wish on anyone, sometimes it takes these kinds of events to force us to stand still and appreciate just what we have.

I enjoy the little memory building moments- Thane dancing about with his zogoflex frib- my funny clown

Appalling Misinformation on Screening

2011-07-29T12:05:00.000-07:00

I follow some blogs on the net that have topics that appeal to me. Most are friends blogs from the service dog community, but I also follow the Dogs Naturally Magazine blog. Usually they have really great incites from the contributors there. Posts from folks such as Catherine O'Driscoll author of What Vets Don't Tell You About Vaccines and Shock to the System.

Imagine my frustration when I read Their piece on Canine Ehrlichiosis which basically says that testing the asymptomatic dog for TBD's is not warranted.

Perhaps if testing was more universally thought of as important in all areas not just endemic ones, we would not have stories like Thane's to write about. Since so many people share the link for this blog in forums where individuals want good hard truths and alternative options, it makes me sick to know that in areas where it truly is warranted to hit a disease hard and fast and hopefully before its hitting multiple systems, people will be listening to more of the propaganda about Lyme that adds to why it so difficult to conquer and as a result is being one of our nations biggest medical hurdles.

In Healing Lyme by Stephen Harrod Buhmer, there is one portion when he talks about its difficulties in the diagnosis and treatment where he compares it to the early years of the AIDS epidemic. I could definitely relate to what he was saying, having had a boyfriend with AIDS from tainted factor VIII during those earlier years, it was as maddening as what I have learned about Lyme- both through vets, this book, and my dear friend Sharon at After Gadget blog who is another example of just how bad Lyme can get if we DON'T SCREEN EVERYONE!

I will test Thane every year when we beat this demon and I will also test any future dog every year. My mind is made up. It is not worth the heart break, the immune dysfunction, the loss of a partner (even temporary) to a guide dog team. While I get that antibodies could mean a dog has beat the disease and had an effective response, there are other more sophisticated tests like the IDEXX C6 that can be more conclusive about disease versus immune response.

If I had it to do all over again, I'd have listened better to Sharon's insights and tested Thane long before I did.When I think about how many health hurdles we could have avoided by this one simple test it makes it hard to swallow. I will have to take this as a lesson learned from my inaction. Don't let your dog walk in Thane's footprints because a natural health blog says that screening is not warranted.

What a Difference a Week Has Made

2011-07-27T12:10:00.000-07:00

I feel like a new person this week. I feel like last week was truly just a nightmare. Life is good and Thane is happily playing his ball and other toys to his typical Border Collie obsessiveness. It is good! I never thought I would ever dream for, wish for, such obsession and yet there I was doing just that.

Thane's improvements are wonderful! I am not kidding myself though- I know we are far from through this marathon. We will however celebrate the good and work through the hard times as they come.

One thing that I have learned through this experience is just how much easier Thane makes my public access life. The kinds of things he must negotiate with ease that I have not even the slightest awareness we encountered are basically revealing themselves to me now as I make my attempts for access in solo fashion.

Store workers for the most part are helpful as long as I am really clear what I need and why. New Seasons still remains the best in all of this though- particularly in the produce department where I tend to need the most assistance.

Today I headed out to use the bus stop closest to home. With Thane we take a long walk to a stop that is much easier to get to. I am really limited in my approaches though without Thane being with me- in my ease of navigation, in my physical limitations in using a guide cane and in the weakness and pain that I endure as a result. These aspects also limit how far I can actually ask myself to travel. Today I headed to the bus stop which requires navigating the sidewalk route in front of Safeway and the other stores in that shopping strip. Why is it that everyone but Safeway gets that the sidewalk area is not an extension of the store! Safeway has put up a barbecue pit from what I was told after I collided with it. Guide canes with wheelchairs aren't always as effective as they are for the ambulatory blind either. Thankfully it was my shopping basket that made contact and not my body. That was just the last of many new obstacles they had left in the way as I navigated around like I was amidst weave poles to try and find a safe route to where I was headed. Believe me I was glad to get beyond Safeway as it was getting on the disorienting side. I thought to myself and I have not even made it to the bus or route for travel from the max yet!

When I got off the Max which was the newer train design (I still prefer the old ones as does much of the population that rides max), I could not believe how much easier Thane makes it to handle those ramps that are quite steep. Trimet was power washing the station as well- great just what I needed! To do this requires two hoses for some reason. One you can get over in a wheelchair and another which is near the truck some distance from the station itself you can not navigate no matter what method you try. Thane would just take another path and then head us back the way we need after he cleared us of the obstacle but with my guide cane, finding an alternative route just was not that easy. I really began wondering just how many more surprises were waiting for me today.

Thankfully the rest of my travel and shopping went smoothly, but I barely made the max on the way back because, you got it, no one was there to help in the hose negotiations on the way back. I managed to find an alternate route, but it was not quite as safe IMO. They need to keep someone at the truck if they are going to do this nonsense during peak travel hours or better yet place a double ramp over their hose so that people can actually function when employees are not there to help us. I still think that it is really stupid to power wash a shelter when people need its use- shaking my head

Everything else went very smoothly from the max ride, to bus, to getting back home. Thane was so happy to see me. He's still trying to figure out why I won't take him, but accepts my decisions about whether or not he gets to go.

His walks go well when I have the ability to do them- when time, pain, energy and weather cooperate that is. We'll be trying a small in town errand in the next couple days and from there I will make decisions about what else I can ask of him.

One thing I have learned is that despite not wanting to fall into that rut of not realizing just how much Thane does, I have done just that. This has been quite an eye opening experience. I am relieved that he can and will be back soon because I sure do miss my other half of me.

Entering Better Tomorrows

2011-07-22T20:37:00.000-07:00

We had a really hard spell here. I haven't wrote much more about how things were going with Thane and his Lyme treatment mostly because I was too busy trying to get help for him or working through the tough ordeal.

Thane reacted to the Doxycycline. As a result of his reaction, we wound up at a specialist to figure out where to go from there. Though I suspected the Doxy, there was the possibility that he was herxing (experiencing a reaction to spirochette die off)

Our area is not Lyme central for sure. Because of this, testing for Lyme is low and the understanding of the various ways to best treat an individual for it are not fully understood by one's regular general veterinary staff. At first, when my vet referred us to a specialist, I have to admit I was furious about it. I felt how dare she give this to him and not understand how to help him when it went south. Thane was suffering and I could not imagine how we would ever make it to the specialist who was about an hours drive away.

We made it there and I am very grateful for the opportunity to have spoken with a vet who understands much more about Lyme and how it assaults the body- especially for an individual whose assault began over two years ago.

Not only did I learn that most of Thane's medical history has been a direct result of the tick bite he received, but that his diet (a source of much debate by some unfortunately) had absolutely nothing to do with his medical history. On one hand that is a relief, but on the other hand, try as I might, it is very difficult not to blame myself for what has transpired. Though I know this now, I also know he may never be the dog he was before that fateful tick bite.

I know it's not my fault that he got bit by a tick, but I think sometimes that with a friend who has suffered greatly from the disease, that I should have been more aware- more intune with what a tick felt like on the skin and at least of what the reaction on his skin afterwards was.

For the most part I stay out of those kinds of regrets. I can't fix yesterday. I can only hope that should we encounter another tick, that I will have learned something from this experience that will change how I will respond to future experiences.

The specialist was definitely the way to go for Thane. I learned that reactions to Doxycycline are not just experienced by the most sensitive but that the kind of reaction Thane was having is usually more pronounced in the herding breeds. On the plus side of the equation for us, is that because Thane was reacting to the Doxy, further tests were run which revealed that he needed to come off it (and its class of drug) irregardless of whether it was the reason for the changes in Thane.

After 24 hours off of Doxy, Thane was a changed dog. Though he was not completely back to what he was before Doxy or before he collapsed from the Lyme, he was definitely at least 80 percent there. He has been on a new medication now for three doses and so far it has not taken the direction of Doxy. I have to keep close tabs on how he responds for a while here, but things look very optimistic thus far.

This morning Thane played a lot with my folks and has been his silly self a lot today. He has eagerly returned to retrieves of his own choosing and came to my side when he saw I was getting ready to take the trash out. Though I chose to leave him inside, his desire to be there was just the gift I needed as I deal with pain from the guide cane, my progressive disabilities, and the awareness I have of just how much Thane was making these changes in me seem almost absent.

It has been a hard and scary time for me coupled with a time of enlightenment as well which really changed my outlook for him.

I don't know what the future holds, but for today, I am focusing on the fact that his ball is back in his mouth and his ears are dancing with the sounds he hears.

A Decade of Difference

2011-07-21T00:52:00.000-07:00

This post is for the Fourth Assistance Dog Blog Carnival. For more information on what the Assistance Dog Blog Carnival (ADBC) is see the post, About the Assistance Dog Blog Carnival at the After Gadget blog.

When I first heard the topic for this carnival, The Difference, I could think of a lot of subjects to write on almost immediately. I wanted this posting however, to take on a different theme than my previous one did which focused on the medical heart-break in my life with my first service dog Chimette (Met). I also did not want to focus on comparing the differences between my two combo trained service dogs, Chimette and Thane. I had began a post sharing about the two different sides of me- the pre service dog me, and the post service dog me. It just never went anywhere though. I realized the reason- it is that I am meant to share the medical lessons my dogs teach me with the assistance dog community- so here goes...

My boys have both been exceptional service dogs. Each one has taught me things about myself, particularly in my ability to persevere through trials that no team should ever have to endure. In this entry, I hope to not focus so much on the actual medical *drama* side of the equation, but in the difference in which I have responded to/ handled it because of the opportunities that differ for me today, over a decade after Chimette's journey into the unknown began.

Thane was to be my new start; a healthy start. I had huge dreams of how different things would be- where we would go, things we would accomplish. Though many of my dreams have come to pass over the past three years we have been together, not everything has been as I anticipated it would be.

When Chimette began having seizures, I was a basket case. I was a babe in terms of internet access and certainly was not racing to google to find research or to yahoogroups or other forum sites to find lists for support, information, and stability in his condition. All of this came later. It came because Met was not an easy case to find answers for. It came because I was not ready to quit seeking answers when vets felt we had achieved about the best anyone could hope for- especially when having two of the most difficult breeds to control when it came to canine seizures, in one body.

Though I had the support of people walking the same or similar paths as me, had research to cling to, had answers to the causes of canine seizures, and even discovered that Met's problem was vaccinosis; our partnership changed the very moment I witnessed his first seizure. It became one where stress and concern for Met's stability left me always asking myself what impact doing various access outings would have on Met, rather than one where I just headed out to do my errand without a care in the world.

Recently, after chasing symptoms for over a year and a half, Thane was diagnosed with chronic Lyme Disease. It was a bombshell to put it mildly. Had it not been for my good friend Sharon at the After Gadget blog being so proactive about the presence of Lyme Disease *EVERYWHERE*, I might have never tested Thane. Though it was one of the hardest things I have had to face in a very long time, I found myself recently looking at how differently I reacted to not only Thane's official diagnosis, but his first seizure that told me something was very wrong.

When Thane had his first seizure, a partial one, I did not trust myself. What I mean is, it was so small that had I not had the decade of living with seizures before, I might never have realized what I was witnessing. With Met, I can still tell you the day and time of his very first seizure. I tried hard to pretend his seizure did not happen- that if I ignored what I witnessed, it would just be as though it was a sleeping nightmare and that would be the end of it. With Thane, I did not even write the date down, though I know it happened within a week of when I got online and placed an order for Taurine for him. Before placing that order, I also did a bit of research to determine which road of supplementation I should try with him. With Met, I never would have considered such a thing or trusted myself to make an informed decision.

There is another very big difference between my dealings of my two boys- for Met, I was always worried- always stressing over him. I know it placed an enormously unhealthy amount of pressure not just on my own health, but on Met's as well. In the first few months with Thane in my life, I made things pretty stressful too, but a read on the impact of stress in the book Shock to the System by Catherine O'Driscoll seemed to nip that in the bud. I won't say that I was not panicked when I got Thane's diagnosis. This would be an outright falsehood. This time would be different I told myself. I was not going to let long-term unnecessary and unhealthy stress impact our future.

I already had some very good resources which I gathered in my attempts to point another person with a Lyme positive dog in the right direction. All that was left was to begin to apply them to my own life- to Thane. I got a crash course from Sharon in Lyme Disease over that weekend following the positive test results. Over a decade ago, this kind of education would have been unthinkable. I don't think we realize just how lucky we are to live where we do, in the decade we live, until something like this happens.

Though I had a couple horrible days in my fight to help Thane recently, and though I learned some even harder news that pointed towards an impact on the liver after under two weeks on meds, I am more equipped with Thane to handle what may come our way without putting an undauntingly high amount of stress on either of our immune systems.

Today, I don't know what the future will hold for Thane and I. He may be treated effectively and work a long productive career. I know however, that realistically we may not have the duration I would love to have, that any team would love to have, simply because Lyme Disease causes immune dysfunction even in the best of cases where long term health complications could side-line this team permanently. With Met, such a prospect would have sent me into a *frozen* state of panic merely by considering crossing the street without my right-hand man. Today that would not be the case.Today I have the skill and resources I need to navigate in public solo, when the circumstances warrant it.

A decade ago, or even during the last few years of my partnership with Met, retirement would have been the biggest *unthinkable* possibility. Today I have high hopes for Thane and I, but at the same time, I have a bigger sense of realism. I know in all likelihood, one of the impacted systems in his body, will tell me/ us that despite how awesome Thane is at his job or even how hard it would be to ask him to step down, that it could very well happen, it could be the right call, the one that shows the love I have for him.

I choose to only think about the day before us. It's one day where, when we wake up in the morning, I will have or will be able to seek out the tools that give Thane the best options for a positive come back. I never felt this way with Met. I always looked to the future in the sense that, until the last month of his life, I never contemplated our partnership from what was the right call for Met, but instead from what was the right call for Karyn.

This time it's different. Thane is mostly side lined at the moment as we work with a specialist to find not only the right drug regimen to eradicate his Lyme Disease, but to work on healing his liver. One day in the not to distant future, I strongly believe that this living nightmare that we are walking through, will become a passing memory of which many lessons have been learned.

If you come away from this with nothing else, my hope is that you will not only realize that Lyme Disease is not only a North-East USA disease, but that it's a disease your service dog should be tested for annually- even if you live in the Pacific Northwest, in Hawaii, in Australia. If you come away believing that Lyme Disease is just as important to test for as Heartworm, then Thane and I will have made a difference in your lives.

HI HO HI HO It's Off To Work We Go!

2011-07-15T17:16:00.000-07:00

It was a fabulous day in the weather department today to me which means it was quite warm by Thane's standards. Thane ate all his meat at the 7AM Doxy time so it opened up a bit of opportunity for us today. I was already working on his turf soak which had left a bit of a problem- Doxy means increased busy needs and it certainly would not wait until I was through! I had a small errand in town I wanted to run and figured we could handle two things with one stone- a busy at the street and the errand. I felt this would also be a great opportunity to test his endurance.

Right away I noticed Thane had a bit harder pull in harness, but figured it was just built up energy and blew it off. I barely uttered the words, do you need a busy and Thane was squatting except he missed the grass and it was a flood! Back home we went for some water to wash that down before heading on our errand.

We took the short walk to Bi-Mart to pick up the printer paper that I just realized I had to have and *like yesterday*. Usually I buy in advance for MCS detox needs, but I blew it here with just a few sheets left. Thane was pulling a bit firmer in harness than his recent work before the Lyme diagnosis and collapse, but he was working well so I let it slide. He worked awesome with Bi-Mart's dangerous parking lot and walked really well on their polished flooring today. He seemed pretty focused on what I was asking once more.

When we exited the store, he headed towards the pharmacy. It is safer to exit the parking lot that way usually as more of the cars park closer to the main exit and entry door. I had to use my *not now* command though as we approached the pharmacy window. As we worked on our exit from that side of the lot, this single truck kept blocking our path. That guy nearly creamed us once and after that he blocked the cross walk while he waited to get across the entire street so he could go the opposite direction- all the while making us wait because he was just *so not going to back up*. By that time, I don't think Thane trusted him any way; I know I didn't!

The walk home was firm pull for a while but we hit a snag where I could not get him out of a real hard pull. I'm unsure what the trigger was but it appeared from my perspective to be a sound reactivity thing. Sound reactivity is one of his neuro symptoms with his Lyme. I put his head halter (leader) on him to just make it easier for me as I am in a pain spell from over doing on the scanner this week.

I thought no more about the trigger as we continued on home. After one attempt by Thane to remove the leader, the rest of the walk was uneventful and actually had some really great work. His ice packs don't keep him very cool with his new harness design, so he was quite warm for a while after we got home even after his customary wipe down for his allergies. At one point, I was a bit concerned, but he finally seemed OK again so I thought nothing more of it.

I put my frozen smoothie ingredients into the blender to defrost and did more work with his turf. It was not until I was getting ready to make my smoothie that my big blunder became clear. When Thane ate all his breakfast this morning, I neglected to go back and give him his supplements that he gets after the Doxy is into his system. One of those is his Taurine. It can be taken with the Doxy, but since the Nupro can not, I do them together. Taurine really is beneficial for Thane in many ways, one of which is his pull in harness. It is also very helpful for the type of seizure his Lyme caused. As you can see, it was not a teeny blunder seeing as though by this time it was already after 2PM. Before Doxy, he would get that by 9AM at the latest unless we overslept.

The good news for the day though was that he had a real clear head when it counted and had the energy to walk the long way home. He wanted to walk the long way there, but I had him take the short route instead. I was all set to take him to New Seasons tomorrow but use a different stop so that the walk is shorter. I was also planning to use a second bus line to come home should it be warranted, however; the weather forecast was GREATLY changed on us from a day of maybe a small shower in the early morning to it being a rainy day GRRRRR

I would so love to bust this town tomorrow, but I am not chancing my power chair for even the shortest walk. The line we could use should thane not have the endurance for the max stop distance does not have a covered stop over by New Seasons so it looks like its Sunday with no backup approach to the route other than using the alternate max stop if its necessary.

Its hard to believe that a week and a day ago Thane collapsed and here, today he is re-bounding into my energizer bunny. He still takes more naps than normal, but I think some is out of boredom more than necessity. Any time I know each day may be different for him and to watch how he is really doing before we commit to something big, but all in all, he is headed in the right direction.

Priorities and Entitlements

2011-07-14T10:36:00.000-07:00

I will start this off by saying that I just need to vent here. smile

I am on a number of service dog lists and I find it really hard to get my head around something that I have begun to notice of late. It does not appear to be a cross disability thing but an issue that arises through individuals who receive guide dogs from programs. Before I get a lot of replies saying that I am stereotyping one group of people, let me be clear that not everyone who receives a dog from a program is this way.

I followed the rules so to speak with Met. I got him vaxed the way the vet wanted despite my desires to spread out the process and I fed him kibble for most of his life (otherwise known as krapple by those in the rawfood community) I, and especially Met, paid for these mistakes. I spent hundreds of dollars between processed food, supplements, and meds every month to keep him as healthy as possible for years. It was not easy. I had to do without a lot of things- there were rarely luxuries. I accepted my responsibility to him seriously though. I did not have a program to fall back on. Other than a couple of grants I received from the IAADP Veterinary Care Program (VCP) and a donation from a fund-raiser for another service dog team that allowed Met to get Gold Bead Implants (of which I paid a little under half of his bill myself that day), all the expenses Met needed, I somehow managed to provide until the day when I knew it was time to let go.

With Thane, he took the decision-making out of my hands. He could not tolerate processed foods after a bout with Giardia.After much research and realizing that krapple is nowhere near species appropriate for dog, I went to a Prey Model raw diet. I spend anywhere between a hundred twenty-five and two hundred dollars monthly in food for Thane, though others use a variety of techniques whereby they can acquire a lot of the food they need for free or minimal expense. When I am lucky, I think to budget for holiday sales and save substantially so that in the long run the expense balances out to be less per month.

There is a saying in the raw community, pay it now (meaning in food expense) or pay it later (to the veterinarian and to grief after a shortened life) I have no doubt by paying it now, I kept Thane healthier than he would have been. In the past I have spent no more than three hundred bucks a year on veterinary bills with most of that being in preventative screenings- something many teams do not address. Since veterinary care is paid by most guide dog programs rather than the recipients, this additional savings makes this even more baffling to me.

Now I don't expect anyone to go to the lengths I did for Met or even what I have done for Thane (or at least not the majority of service dog handlers any way), but when I read complaints from some of the program guide dog handlers for what they have to spend on a good quality kibble food, it just makes me shake my head. There is literally thousands of dollars put into these dogs trainings so that they can keep their handlers safe. They would give up their lives for us literally and some actually have or have been retired due to injuries caused in the line of duty. It boggles my mind that the people who can actually qualify for a stipend for guide dog expenses and/ or submit the receipts towards their medical expenses for foodstamp determination and Housing section 8 as I do, would feel they need to reduce their dogs care expenses to such a miniscule amount. If it were a child, the attitude would be so different.

I know many who use guide dogs look at it as a tool just like the ADA does. They may bond with the dog for the sake of the work, but not to the level that I or many of my friends do. It is a tool, not a member of the family to them. There are also those who consider it the programs responsibility to pay every medical expense the dog might incur other than the actual food and grooming requirements of non-shedding breeds. They go into the acquisition as an entitlement rather than as a priviledge. Guide Dog programs, if they charge anything, it is miniscule amounts compared to the hundreds and thousands expected of those applying for mobility service dogs. Perhaps its this *provision* that has made some folks feel they are entitled to have the dog but not to pay for anything beyond thirty bucks a month. Then there's the added grooming expense- hey, you ask for a non-shedding breed, guess what? you best be prepared to pay for a groomer or to take a crash course in grooming yourself.

Often times these very same people who complain about the cost to maintain their guide dog are ones who go out to lunch or dinner at least once a week, go to movies, buy pizza or other takeouts, buy frozen prepared foods at a pricetag that might be able to buy three days of meals if they prepared it themselves, have desert and meat with every meal (neither of which is really healthy btw) go to conventions at a hefty price tag and yet they don't seem to prioritize things so that their dogs diet needs come before all the frills.

In all honesty for those who are on their first dog, I can see the sticker shock to some aspects of canine health especially if they are dealing with SSI income in states where there is no state supplement to the federal allotment, but these dogs are not pets. They are highly trained, put on working dog foods so they can perform their jobs effectively.

I won't get into the amount of pet food poisonings and recalls that continue on a regular basis as that is for another time, but my head just feels lately like it can't stop spinning from entitlement attitudes and poor priorities.

Learning To Tick-Check

2011-07-13T14:48:00.000-07:00

Due to Thane's Lyme Disease, I am trying to take the entire process of prevention more seriously. As a deafblind incomplete quad with a dog who is normally not even still in his sleep- well I think you get the picture LOL

I am slowly though beginning this process because frankly I never want us to have another round of this disease. Besides its debilitating effects, lets face it, it hampers my independence significantly when Thane is down.

I began the process by thinning out his pantaloons and tail- not so much that he does not look like a Border Collie, but enough that I can more easily feel to the skin. He looks fine and honestly I'd give up on aesthetics for preventing another tick from causing us harm in this manner again.

One thing I have noticed is that this is very energy draining for me. Its not as simple as a superficial massage. At the end of the day, the best time to be doing it, before he joins me in my bed, I am already drained. Right now I am more so this way with Thane being down. Its not just work in public that has been lost but tasks around home as well. So- frankly my arms are ready to just stop moving at the end of the day.

I am finding that I am discovering little imperfections in Thane's skin- be it scaley allergen spots, places he has chewed and hair has matted down, little bumps that I had not known were there, or even yes, a flea. Knowing where these things are and what they feel like will help me in an enormous way should another tick invade my dog. I will know that the bump is not normal- not a part of what I have come accustomed to feeling.

On the dog side of things- Met loved all the intimate rubbing and feeling he could get out of me, but Thane- he is another story. Thane would rather be playing ball. He accepts this new fondling I give him in limited quantities before he must bounce up and get a ball thrown. I realize this won't all come together overnight for us. We are starting with the places ticks often go first, but its still a learning process; a building up tolerance not just for me, but for Thane.

The other day I got his two hind legs before he was up and throwing a ball at me again. Yesterday I got three legs and his tail- perhaps by next week, I will get all his legs, tail, and head.

I've begun to check him a bit as we are waking up as well- this is a time when he is much more malleable and helpful in the learning process. I really don't want to be sleeping with ticks though so just because it appears to be easier in the morning does not necessarily mean, that is the time I should be doing it.

Personally I find myself feeling his skin in some location any time he stops by me and is still long enough for me to handle him- I guess that comes with knowing what these critters can do to one's insides.

I hope in the weeks and months ahead that this will get easier as I become more accustomed to the practice of it. I just don't know what I will do though if I really find a tick on him. I don't know if I can physically work the tool and remove it. That concerns me of course. In the worst case scenario I pay for the vet clinic to remove it when I find it- of course they are not open at night, but I think its still important to do what I can

Thane Works

2011-07-12T16:13:00.000-07:00

Thane was going nuts with boredom today. When Thane gets bored he licks. Its not an easy thing to stop once he gets into the obsessive compulsive action of it. For the most part, the target of his licking is him. For him to be doing this instead of sleeping meant that he was feeling better. Don't get me wrong we have a long ways to go until he is well. A sure sign of that is in the medication department. The meds upset his tummy this morning and he has antibiotic poop, but other than that- his energy is returning which is awesome.

I needed a couple of things up at our local Bi-Mart. After I changed into better clothes for the outing, I said you wanna go with me? Thane perked up with ears standinging as tall as they could. There was a bounce in his step as we headed to the door to harness up. I had made the decision that if he was not focused enough to trust his decision making, we would just walk down the street and back. I had my mini guide which gives me tactile feedback of obstacles as a support for the process.

Thane impressed me though. I did not have to tell him *slow* at all on the route there. He alerted me to the winding plant obstacles at the corner which I think someone should just take a chain saw to one of these days! The curb cut itself being an after thought with all those plant obstacles is an accident waiting to happen. Thane managed however to choose the safest approach to this nonsense. One thing about using the shortcut dirt path- we get to avoid all of that, but today we would have looked like we had just been in a mud-wrestling match.

Thane did precision work up the sidewalk-less street weaving in and out along all the parked cars before entering the curbcut on the main road. *Thane, Forward* I said. I knew there was a stopped car but they have a stop and I have a crosswalk and they were obviously trying to go all the way across the main road. In other words, it was safe for us to go. Off Thane went like the only thing on his mind was to safely get us across the street. Midway however he alerted me and was prancing funny but not coming very far into my path. This is typically his response when we can't back up fast enough, but a driver is moving without looking. I did the only thing I could and yelled as loud as I could hoping they could hear me through the mask. This is the last thing either of us needed right now.

We continued to Bi-Mart but had someone in their lot think we needed to be part of the pavement too- what is it with drivers here in town today! I was feeling like maybe we should have stayed home!

We had more success shopping. Thane was responding to every command I uttered with a precision I had not seen in a while. He had minimal issues with the polished floors that he walks like he is on ice with unless I remind him to *stay on his feet*.

The trip home had no cars acting like bumper cars and safe sidewalk to road transitions despite all that dangerous creeping plantlife.

Though Thane has been sleeping a lot since we got home, this venture out was good for both of us. I doubt bigger outings are a possibility this week, but just to have him at my side today and see that he could actually make it there and back gave me that security and belief that he will be back in better form than before when treatment concludes.

Good Signs Perhaps in Our Lyme Journey

2011-07-09T18:38:00.000-07:00

Today is a brand new day. A good nights sleep. A new perspective. A visit from Grandpa for Thane and housekeeping on my computer that needed a sighted techie.

Thane has exhibited some good energy today. He has slept much less and has spent a lot of time playing. There were times when I saw his normal ball obsessive self emerging just a bit. I was afraid at first to read anything into this as he has seemed to have more energy for a couple hours after his meds. When the energy remained much the same through out the day, I felt a little twinge inside myself- you know that one where you realize the down days are numbered and the work days will possibly be resuming soon within moderation of course.

There also have not been any lameness incidents today- though those seemed to be fewer as the neuro symptoms began to set in so this in itself was not something that I was using as a guide to ascertain how he was really doing.

There's still some very obvious factors that are not my Thane. Thane has had a number of occasions over the past couple weeks where he went off his food. He would eat some- mostly the Nupro and organ parts, but it was like a child playing with their food when it came to the main course. Two of these incidents have happened yesterday and today. I'm trying not to make a big deal out of them. I just grab the food, wrap it back up, and set it in the freezer for another day. Today, I decided to just set it in the fridge and offer it when I had my dinner. Yeah! He ate and was really eager when he saw what I had.

I am suspecting that the meds may be affecting his appetite. He has not puked or had diarrhea so its hard to ascertain if there are tummy issues happening without that. I've been trying to med him and then feed two hours later because he won't consume his Nupro later than meal time and he can not have his probiotics with Doxy either. By doing it this way, I've been less likely to forget something crucial like his probiotics which he must have for gut and skin health due to previous history. I suspect I may need to go to giving him food at the time of the dose and if I thought my life was made complicated by these meds now, it certainly will be later.

As a person with MCS (Multiple Chemical Sensitivity), I need to do my outings early in the morning so that I am out when crowds are not as intense. On days when I don't have to head out, I could care less what hour Thane gets done eating. On days when I need to go out however, even with dosing him at 7AM, it still pretty much means that I can't get a bus until at the earliest 9:45. By the time I get anywhere this way it is downright crowded and the toxicity effects for me are substantially raised. It'd be one thing if this was just a one week antibiotics run, but as my good friend Sharon at After Gadget blog said to me recently, this is a marathon not a sprint. I will figure this system out- we will make it work. If it means Thane prefers to eat mid day or when I eat dinner because he just feels better then, then I will figure a way to make that happen.

This is the time of year for adventures. My idea of adventures is trapsing to parts unknown to explore. I guess in a rather twisted, distorted way of looking at things, Lyme Disease could be considered an adventure. After all, it does have us trapsing into the unknown!

My Dad was telling me a recent story about my mom. She does a lot of work in her yard and a critter she did not know got onto her while she was working in the yard. She quickly put it in a container and rushed off to the vet with it to find out if it was a tick. I am sure that she shared about Thane in the process- but hey, if Thane getting Lyme makes her more aware of the *unknown species* of critters in her yard, then to me it is worth the journey. I did not know what a real tick looked like. Oh Thane has some cute stuffed ticks that he absolutely loves, but I had no idea what a tick was like. If I can make even one person more aware then this journey of ours is beneficial.

Dad went on to tell me about when he was a kid. They had a bunch of ticks I guess where he grew up in Missouri. They just would find an adult with a heat source that they would hold close to the tick and they would back right out. I just thought they were crazy personally. He followed that up with a *don't do this at home on your dog and especially not when you are blind* LOL

If you are reading this blog and want more information on ticks, please see the postings on Ticks, Lyme and Related Information at After Gadget blog as well as her awesome blog on How to Tick Check Your Dog. If you are looking for a basic site that has some information but some of which is pretty superficial IMO see Ticks, Dogs, and Disease. Now if you are looking for good information that can help you understand what you are up against, as well as a support forum, take a look at the Tick-L links and forum. Though I am not a part of the forum, I found a lot of clarification on things that were so confusing to me through the articles here as well as Sharon's awesome support and further mentoring of me as I learn first hand about a disease we both wish we never had experience with (I am sure)

Reality Stings

2011-07-07T15:36:00.000-07:00

We all hear how horrible Lyme Disease can be. My good friend Sharon at After Gadget blog has been living with it for years and I have watched, listened and wished I could take her suffering away. She was a mentor for me years ago when I was first hit with severe Multiple Chemical Sensitivities and she has become a mentor once more for me- walking me through the process of learning all I can to help Thane be all he can be.

When Thane was diagnosed, I remained pretty optimistic about it all. I had the attitude of *finally we know what's wrong* more than the attitude of how damaging a disease this can be. When the vet said he could still work as long as I listened to him, I assumed in error that as long as we took days off to live life at home, that Thane and I would continue to do at least the errands we loved to do as a team.

Today I got hit right between the eyes with how wrong I was. Reality quite frankly stinks. It rarely measures up with expectations. In this case I just felt empty. I had Thane in a situation where the only solution was to walk short distances and stop for breaks- breaks that Thane determined the length of time we took down time along the route back to the max stop. I did everything I could to minimize his walking distance- took a stop I loathe so that we just had to go up to the end of the transit center stop to connect with our bus and then took the stop in town that we could follow a shortcut path straight home.

I was glad to be home and above all sorry from the depths of my being that I had so badly misjudged Thane's abilities right now. All I thought about is that we had been home for several days rest which IMO meant we were good to go.

Now with reality setting in, I feel this sadness coming over me. Don't get me wrong, I still aim to be optimistic here- but reality just has a way of jerking you back from this fantasy of what it will be to what it truly is. Lyme Disease is not for the faint of heart. It ravages ones insides- affecting everything and anything in its tenacious journey.

I knew that we did not catch Thane's early. This bug has had over two years to bounce around inside of him causing one roller coaster ride after another along the way. He'll still jump up after a really long nap to play some ball, but there is less drive- less forceful obsession in the way he goes about it. One of the biggest things I noticed this week was how much he slept. Every time I turned around to do something, he was curled up again taking another nap. I'm trying to tell myself that this is good that he is listening to his own needs, but a part of me feels wounded by it as well. From the simplest of issues to fluctuating lameness to neuro involvement, Thane has been trying to tell us for over a year that something was wrong.

Some people seemed to feel that I was looking for medical diagnoses from the normal behaviors of my dog. It hurt to hear comments like that, but I was the one who had to assure that Thane was given what he needed. To those very people who felt that way, my feelings are this- had I stopped looking Thane's career and very life would have been shortened dramatically. I don't know what the future holds for Thane and I- whether or not there will be irreversible issues, weaknesses for life in certain realms or not. All I know is that right now, I just feel like I have been punched in the gut.

Bah Humbug on Celebrations

2011-07-04T20:00:00.000-07:00

Call me unpatriotic if you wish, but I think fireworks were the worst creation mankind ever came up with. This neighborhood used to be relatively peaceful. A few firecrackers would go off after dark on the 4th of July and New Years Eve but nothing extravagant. Then we got new neighbors across the way this spring and all hell has broken loose! Not only has it become fireworks haven even before it turns dark, but its like a block party over there.

Yesterday on our way home from Winco we barely could get to our crossing point to come into our complex for all the vehicles parked on the side of our narrow road. I knew we were in trouble when that was happening, but sorta wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt at the moment. I mean afterall yesterday was not the 4th of July- YET.

Last night was no picnic. Starting around 11PM about every fifteen to twenty minutes fireworks went off. This went on until after 2AM. If I knew who was doing it believe me I would have called the cops. Being deafblind though has huge disadvantages when it comes to reporting illegal activity or disturbing the peace situations. We slept in this morning to make up for the disturbed sleep, but I knew the worst was yet to come. I guess after all my experiences with this guy and his burning and his teenage behavior in his go-cart running up and down the street this spring and summer, I pretty much know what he is like now.

I was not to be mistaken. This evening's fireworks and commotion are bad. During one of the incidents, Thane had his mutt muffs on and they did absolutely no good. We were being silly and playing while he wore them or shook them off his ears to around his neck- nope they don't work well on all head shapes. That was a waste of money and a years detox process.

Though Thane settled down after the first few stopped, I believe I have possibly lost him to the bedroom or bathroom for the night now. I hate what this is doing to him this year. They've always bothered him a little, but not like this. Before anyone tells me to try desensitization with him or train my way through it, that ain't gonna cut it. You see one of Thane's Lyme symptoms is heightened sound reactivity. It mostly effects that unexpected occurence- you know like we're playing ball or doing a task of other nature and then out of the blue pop, pop, pop or boom or whatever other sounds they make. Since I don't hear them, only his reaction tells me they are going off unless they are like a couple of them that I actually felt go off.

The only thing I can do at this point is ignore him and let him do what he must to get through this night as unscathed as possible. I already cranked the air purifier, closed the front blind, and pulled out Met's white noise box. Its cleaned up and running on high. I never thought I would need that for Thane. Something tells me I better go find some movies to tide us over tonight as this could be one long night.

Next year I want to go to California for the holiday!

Our Crazy Saga of a Day

2011-07-01T18:23:00.000-07:00

Our day of rest yesterday turned into me doing our post winter potty station cleanup in preparation for power washing of patios yesterday afternoon. I tried not to think about the consequences of it all while doing it, but boy I felt it last night and today! I was glad that was behind me, but like I said it was supposed to be a rest day.

Today we had to get to the bank and then back to the vet to sort out treatment for Thane's Lyme disease. I was grateful I woke up early enough that we could get out the door before the heat really hit for Thane. I knew doing both these errands could spell trouble for Thane's allergies and fatigue issues so other than his first morning walk routine to the bus, I wanted to keep extra walking to a minimum. Intentions were good- reality was not so much that way.

We boarded the bus to a driver who knows us well. I told her where I wanted her to be sure to let me off. Last week she missed our stop after assuring me she would get us there. Due to the one way street layout, inaccessible walk signal buttons, and non-ADA compliant bus stops in conjunction with ramp designed buses, we had to go to the max stop to get a safe enough place to de-board. It was nice and we have done that walk back to Winco before, but it was not essential- if you know what I mean.

Today I happened to get the same driver. I told her where we needed off and she assured me she would get us there. What do you know? She passed our stop again and then accused me of falling asleep! I wanted to bite her head off because today of all days we did not need this. Not only did she pass our stop, but there was no sidewalk for us to travel back on the roadway. She said it was wide and called the ramp a little steep. Her idea of a little steep leaves much to be desired! It was so steep that Thane had to grip the ramp tread to keep himself slow enough to safely guide me down. Once we got down, I was relieved to be in one piece. The next part got even hairier though. Her idea of wide shoulder and mine while working with a guide dog greatly differ. Thane did great but there was this problem- the cars turning right from the street we were headed for. These cars turn right into the path we were on. Thane must have done four or five traffic checks before some driver had the courtesy to wait for us to get up on the curb to cross the street. The next crossing we had to make the walk signal was completely unreachable so we had to go with the cars without a walk signal. Boy was I glad when we got to the bank in one piece!

Heading home, I had a different driver. He was really great though I don't recall him from any past bus rides. I judged the time well and reminded him about five minutes before we got to our stop, but he had remembered it any way. Sometimes one can judge the time like this, but when its busy and the bus loses time, its impossible for a DB person to know how close you might be because the GPS street announcer (if you can even hear it at all) is so distorted, there is no way you can tell what it is saying.

The vet was swamped today. They had been all week evidently. She had tried to fax me something today and it failed because I was not expecting it, nor was I even home to get it. In the end, we used one of the other workers as a bit of a go between (between the vet and myself) to get things sorted out to start Thane's treatment process for Lyme.

One thing that was so funny was that I was sitting kind of in a corner today because there was not room for our typical setup when we got there. The gal who was helping us, thought I left Thane home. She was trying to find out when I was going to bring him and I did not understand what she was saying as some of those dogs were so noisy! It seemed like Thane was the only dog with training at all. Anyway things quieted down when she came back the next time to talk with me at which point when she asked that question again, I pointed down beside me saying, he's right here. She looked over the counter and was shocked at his quietude. We got the fresh weight they needed on him just to be precise for his prescription, then we got to head home.

We were going to shortcut it home, but irregardless of what route we took, we had to use the crosswalk with no walk signal. It has flashing lights for the cars to stop. This crosswalk is usually uneventful, but not so today! Boy, Thane must have gotten tired of traffic checking me today!

After washing Thane down for his allergies, he took a nice long nap while I dealt with setting up my fax and the subsequent issues in providing payment information to the compounding pharmacy.We played a bit afterwards and in short intervals here and there throughout the afternoon, but honestly I see how zapped he gets now and hope that his meds get here sooner than I anticipate them to.

My Life as a Deafblind Individual

2011-06-29T12:21:00.000-07:00

This week, as it turns out, is Deafblind Awareness Week. This was news to me. I decided I would write my thoughts about what it means to me to be deafblind.

There are many variations of deafblindness. Some people are totally deaf and totally blind. That said, that form of deafblindness is rare. Many like myself who are deafblind have some sight and hearing remaining, but can't decipher what they are seeing or hearing or can't do so without much concentration.

I live a secluded deafblind life. I don't have friends IRL who are deafblind because of my MCS and where I live. There is not a large deaf or deafblind community here- so culturally I am like anyone of you. I just have to work hard to fit into a world that functions to high degrees on sight and hearing senses.

I miss the deaf community experiences I had in California. It never donned on me just how much I was leaving behind when I packed up Met and my belongings and headed off to Oregon where I've left that culture behind and have had to live like a hearing sighted person to fit in- especially into family. It hasn't been easy but I have adjusted.

So what's my life like anyway?

I am profoundly deaf. I can make out what some people say as long as they face me, have no accent or speech impediment, and there is no background noise. I can wear hearing aids for the essentials, but due to EMF sensitivity, the consequences of doing this can be high for me; thus I opt against wearing them for anything that I can get by with my guide dogs sense of sound for. Sometimes its great being deaf because I can tune out things that others find really annoying. Other times, sounds that I can hear, send me over my rocker if you know what I mean- like fireworks (but those I hear minimally at best now thankfully!) Progressive deafness has its moments of being a blessing and then moments when it feels like a curse. Most times, I like my quiet- perhaps because I have lived at this level for so many years of my life.

My eye disease is not common, but has the impact of a distorted jigsaw puzzle with most of the pieces missing. The pieces I do make out, I have no idea what they really are, how close to me they are, or how far to the right or left they may be. By all measures of functionality, what I do see, does me no good.Its been harder to adjust to my blindness then to my deafness- perhaps because my blindness came later and ended many enjoyable past times, took away my ability to see pictures, and almost took away every hobby I had since my MCS (but not quite)

I don't sit at home and twiddle my thumbs though. grin Instead I live my life independently. I ride the fixed route bus and max trains, go to the store, to the bank, to the Drs, to the Veterinarians, to take leisure walks, to experience new routes in new locals. I am like anyone else except I just need to use a tactile mobility aid to judge traffic, braille compass to judge directions, and my guide dog to navigate the path we need to take- and yes, every once in a while save me from people who drive carelessly, or who interfere as we are walking down the sidewalk or trying to cross a street because they want to know all about my dog or tell me how they have one just like him at home.

This life I live certainly isn't the one I envisioned when I graduated from highschool, but its a good life. When I am not out in the community, I am home resting, training my dog, doing laundry, cleaning my home, making my meals, sewing new gear for my guide dog or clothes for myself, or best of all- playing with Thane. Playing ball is Thane's most favorite past time thing to do.

In my dreams I would be able to find an ASL teacher to help me learn tactile ASL so I could understand more easily what is being said at appointments, but with MCS that is not in the cards. Before MCS, before service dogs were in my life, before I was legally blind, I had taken two semesters of ASL. I was able to benefit from it in classes but with my visual impairment my comprehension level from a distance was minimal. As a result of this difficulty, I preferred the captioning method.

I don't know what the future holds for me with my progressive dual sensory losses- whatever it entails though, I am sure I will figure a way to continue to live my life in independent fashion- cuz afterall I hate waiting for people to do things for me. I am an independent deafblind gal who just loves to live my life without having to lean on others. I guess its just who I am. grin

Lyme Disease Strikes Thane

2011-06-26T15:41:00.000-07:00

Thane was to be my healthy successor dog to Met- the dog who taught me about everything! We have gone through ups and downs since I got him with his health, but nothing substantially life changing like I dealt with in Met. None of the problems for Thane became too serious because of my knowledge from Met (thank you my angel boy) and the good vet we have on his case.

From a rabies vaccine reaction, to ear infections, to giardia, to fluctuating and changing symptomology of various body systems including a time where it seemed thyroid disease was a part of the plan for us (which it was not)- now the truth has come out to show its ugly self and frankly I don't think its too funny to wait until we finally have beautiful summer weather to do that!

Thane has tested positive for Lyme or actually for the bacterium that causes what we know to be Lyme disease. Before anyone says this happens to dogs who were vaccinated for Lyme disease, Thane NEVER was. Beyond that, I KNOW exactly when Thane was infected.

Though it has been a little over two years since he was infected, I am still hopeful that we have caught it early enough that treatment will be simple for us and not do any sort of damage to his gut issues with the long term need he will have to be on the meds.

I am nervous about this, but hopeful too.

I have to thank Sharon at AfterGadget blog for all her publicity on Lyme disease and the encouragement to pursue regular testing on a dog whose history of Lyme infection was thought to be negligible. Without her, I would NEVER know what was really wrong with my boy. I look forward to meeting the REAL Thane.

For those who think it still can't happen to them or their dog because of the stereotypical views held in the medical and veterinary communities, think again. Thane and I live in NW Oregon about as far from the NE as one could get and still be in the USA. If it can happen to us, it can happen to you!

Tune in for further updates, as treatment is discussed, pursued, and life moves on as a team once more all thanks to a friend and her own journey on the NE coast.

Our Chaotic Life--- So What Else is New?!

2011-06-18T14:19:00.000-07:00

Life's been very chaotic in our neck of the woods. From shopping for both of us, preparing and freezing extra berries for winter time, and dealing with Lowe's over my freezer arrival (lets just say I won't be shopping with them again), life has been anything but ordinary.

I continue to stick with my newfound way of life that's making me feel so much healthier than I ever felt on a meat based, junk food diet. It won't take my MCS away. What it does do however is make it easier for my body to eliminate toxicity from exposure because I am not also loading it down with toxicity form the food I eat. As nice side effects of this change, I have lost weight and no longer have any cravings in afternoon or evening.

These changes, have also led to my ability to do more with Thane. Be it working, playing, or training. Its just that when I feel better, I can do more because I have the patience and/ or stamina to pull it off. Don't get me wrong, I still have to structure my life so I don't overdo or over-expose myself, but I guess what I am trying to say is that when we are working, playing, or training I feel more enjoyment in it.

Thane and I are regulars now at New Seasons where I go for my organic diet needs as well as for some of his diet. The route we take there each week, takes us back to the spot where Thane's traffic checking skill was more than appreciated- back to the spot where an idiot nearly ran us down and then sped off as though he had not a care in the world. I was sure I would be apprehensive going back there. I even contemplated other routes we could take, but the sidewalk on the other side of the street is in such disrepair until we get much closer to the store.

I went with it and Thane did too. He showed no apprehension but was more intently focused as though that experience had changed him. I try and get something special there for his diet each time we go that he really enjoys- sorta my way of saying thank you for keeping me safe. Since he has allergies that extend to foods and is a giardia survivor, this is my way of treating him without disrupting his balance. Smile

Today's plans got thwarted thanks to my MCS, the neighbor across the way who started burning before we even got up, and the weather. After being home yesterday to deal with the freezer arrival, I really wanted to be on the go today. Sometimes in life, its a good thing to be able to adapt to the situation at hand. The trip I had planned was not urgent, but Thane sure could have used the work.

Instead we have played, trained some, took pictures of training, and I have spent time placing orders I forgot to make and only realized after printing a blank sheet of paper- a big whoops on the cartridge end of my order needs!

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better weather day for working Thane and getting the errands completed that have been put on the back burner for the last two days. I'm looking forward to being able to buy things without worrying if it will fit in my itsy refrigerators freezer. If the weather is nice enough, Thane will get to wear his blue harness that I just finished the American style loops for. He looks so cool in this powder blue color.

I sure wish summer would come and really stay! Two jipped summers in a row is not cool!

Approaching Our Training to Produce Success

2011-06-14T16:18:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to keep Thane busier during the days that we stay home. With the longer shopping trips we need to take to get my food needs supplied, I usually don't have it in me to go again the next day- not even for a walk. This is hard on Thane and leads to my BC redhead finding ways of entertaining himself- some destructive (chewing himself) while others annoying (barking) or nagging me to play, play, and play some more.

As I mentioned in my previous blog, I have gone back to training Thane to put things in a basket. This can be very helpful with laundry since my machine- the Wonder Washer has a small tub basket that the laundry needs to go into. It can also be helpful if I can get him to the point of less ball obsession, for him to pick up his toys before bed. This is something I really miss from my partnership with Met. Just maybe we will get there too. grin

There's been a hiccup in the training process however in that after we conclude, Thane chews on himself some. I am suspecting we could be dealing with treat allergy once again. So far, its been kept to a minimum. I plan to continue, but reduce treat size- see how that goes. I hope it does not make us table training - AGAIN. It seems everytime I am training something with him, this allergy rears its ugly face.

Forget the allergies though. Last night in our session there was just so much fun! We had both baskets out- the little basket we are practicing with which is about the size of a store hand basket for shopping, and the larger basket full of dirty clothes. Thane would grab an item from dirty clothes to bring it to me, I'd say I don't need it, put it in the basket at which point he would plunk it in the little basket. Back to the big basket he would go for more things. It was too funny when he tried to do my thermal shirt. That thing is almost as big as he is cuz I like them large and comfy. He's not ready for big items yet. Oh he can hold up an arm to me so I can retrieve it, but big items just get in the way of doggie feet ya know! LOL

I had put a bunch of little things on the top of the large basket to work with. Thane had other things on his mind though- afterall when a BC makes up their mind to do something a particular way, its quite a task to change that mind! Thane went for that shirt at least three times before I finally put it up so we could ummm make progress. Many trainers would probably have taken the time to just train with it since that was what he was choosing, but I want to think this through more thoroughly. Thane is not a really good free shaper. Often times I wind up asking for help on lists and then realizing that I have to look at things from the way Thane learns- until I figure out in my own head how to teach him to do all of something so big, I've learned its best not to tackle it because I get frustrated- he gets frustrated and it sours the training process of the task altogether.

So for now, we practice with what I call *the littles*. I love seeing Thane get so into what we are doing- his ears all bouncy, eyes probably shining bright- he just really digs new things when I get my head around how to approach the training so he will try things out and succeed.

Clicker Matched with Full Communication Equals Success!

2011-06-11T00:18:00.000-07:00

Today we stayed home. I needed the down time for continued skin healing. I decided to do something different with Thane. There are some tasks that we are way behind where I was with Met based on age. Its OK- I've had other priorities as I train, not to mention this time around I started out with problems that I did not have when I first began training Met.

I have wanted to train Thane to put items in a basket. Though we started trying to train this in the late fall, the concept just was not there for Thane. I got a bit frustrated with myself for not knowing how to approach it differently for him. With Met, it was easy. I just sat over his toy basket with a toy. It did not take long for him to grasp that what got the reward was dropping the item in the basket.

For Thane, toys can be a hindrance in training. During my period of grief following Met's passing, I spent a lot of hours teaching Thane to play and eventually turning his play into obsession unfortunately. Though there are strategies to lessen this drive with his balls especially, I've realized that perhaps the better approach for Thane is to teach him to drop items into the basket that will be common place with this particular task once he gets the concept.

Today, I pulled out the small hand basket I have along with a small wash cloth. I gave Thane the opportunity to see what would get the reward initially. With no click and treat for retrieves, Thane seemed rather perplexed. He tried laying down with the washie- no dice. He tried laying on top of the washie- no dice. He tried sitting proudly with the washie- no dice. Then by accident it dropped into the basket- click and mega jackpot! He tried a few other behaviors that again produced no dice. At this point it seemed the light bulb had gone off- he dropped the washie into the basket- click and jackpot!

Though I realized it could confuse him, I started asking for the washie. He would retrieve it for a click and treat at which point I would drop it on the floor. Once retrieved I would either say thank you or tell him, I don't need that, could you put it in the basket? The initial attempts were accidental I am sure when it landed in the basket, but by the time we ended our session, it was very clear that he was understanding exactly what I was saying and wanting.

There are those who train dogs who believe we need to keep our commands short and precise. I used to be one of those. I have learned a lot through Thane, however, which leads me to believe that he understands what I want so much clearer when I talk to him as though he truly understands what I am saying- giving him normal sentence structure not just that word or two.

When I was attempting this training in the fall, I was using simple one or two word commands- commands that he knows and yet we got very little success. Some would argue that time, my own technique, or any number of things were the reason why progress is being made on this presently- not the fact that I am communicating more clearly with him.

Thane is a very intelligent dog. I have known that from the start. I also know in many ways he may not come off as the smartest apple because of the way in which he learns- a way much differently from his predecessor. This has made me have to really grope for new approaches in which to teach / train. There've been times when I just wanted to throw up my hands and declare myself a failure at reaching him- figuring out how he best learns.

Some dogs are very clicker savvy- they offer numerous types of behaviors until they get the rewards they are after. Other dogs don't make the greatest shapers for behaviors- dogs like Thane where multiple approaches in tandem can bring about the desired outcome.

Today was a demonstration of just this- clicker matched with full communication resulting in a glimpse of understanding from Thane. I am encouraged by what I am seeing. Die-hard clicker trainers may look at what I do and say its just not right. That's OK with me though because those die-hard clicker trainers are not living in my shoes. I have found a way in which Thane really excels and by golly, all that truly matters are the results- the skills that can and do come out of the way in which I train him.

A Fabulous Day: Work and Weather

2011-06-09T16:58:00.000-07:00

Today was great. I felt good from the moment I climbed out of bed. This is a rarity in my world.It was a day to take advantage of. It was cloudy with promise of clearing. The clearing came early as a change from the normal pattern here- leaving behind a glorious day!

Thane got pretty jazzed when he realized we were going to town. A Border Collie just needs to work- especially one with as much drive as Thane has. I was over-dressed per my norm (its hard to get out of the winter layering routine). We took the long walk to the bus. I only had to talk to Thane once about his speed and harness pull. Days like this I cherish. The walk from the max to the store was beautiful and peaceful. I love that walk following the windy sidewalk path amidst the trees and rolling hills of the Intel campus.

I knew just around the bend though was the spot which will forever remind me about the fragility of life. It will remind me of how awesome Thane was when I needed it. Today though, those were not the thoughts rolling through my head. Today I was thinking about how wonderful a cadence Thane had as we strolled over the hilly sidewalk pathways together. I was thinking about how special things like this are because they are things shared only between Thane and myself; something his predecessor could never have done with his lameness. I was thinking about the good memories I was forming when all of a sudden Thane blocked me.

No worries, just a person who had the belief that a wheelchair could stop on a dime while he blocked our access. Its situations like this though that make me realize just how wonderful it is to have Thane at my side. With a cane, I would never have the luxury of any thoughts beyond the actual navigation of the course I needed to follow. Travelling by cane is stressful, ineffective, and certainly not a mode of travel I ever enjoyed- not with Met and certainly not in the interim between Met and Thane or thereafter.

I returned to my thoughts of Thane and what we have accomplished together for a short duration until Thane let me know we had arrived. Once inside my thoughts went to the items I needed to purchase. I decided to take a new approach with Thane in the store. Thane has pretty much memorized the aisles and locations in aisles where I pick things up. This can be awesome in allowing me to shop a bit more independently, but it also has its drawbacks when I only want a few things or want to skip some aisles entirely. Thane still wants me to go to those spots! ARG!

Today I decided to tell Thane exactly what I wanted next. I often tell him the product names but only after I collect them. What help is it to know where one is headed AFTER the fact? giggle Before I began to use the approach however, Thane had me headed to the granola. It was OK as I needed it. I noticed he was not walking on nails as I talked to him. This was interesting. I have noticed when I forget the Taurine he does this more so, but its also a behavior that the Ophthalmologist equates with retinal changes so its something I've pondered a bit lately since Taurine is also known to provide retinal support.

Placing the granola in the basket, I told Thane, I need beans next. He headed to the end of the aisle, paused for a few people walking by with carts before heading down to the bean aisle with no further direction from me. BOY was this a good idea or what? A staff member was there working on shelving and placing sales notifications on the shelves. He told me my beans were on sale! This was a really grand sale. I was planning to get some but when I heard about this sale- lets just say we cleaned up.

From there we continued on- buffalo for Thane, milk, produce- potatoes to try instead of pasta, my berries were on sale and just came in so were very fresh. It was awesome. This whole walk through the store to gather our food needs and not one comment was needed to *Stay on your feet* which is my signal for Thane to get off his nails and walk normally. The hardest spots are usually the main front aisle and checkouts where floors are often buffed and more slippery but still even in this area, Thane stayed on his feet wonderfully! I was really feeling those excitement goosebumps.

Though it took a while to figure out how exactly I was going to get all this food home, I managed to get organized while Thane patiently waited for me to finish up.

I prefer the back, non-electric door to the front electric doors at this store. The front entrance area is so cluttered with carts, plants, prepared food sales on some days, outside eating tables- well you can only imagine how hard it would be in a power wheelchair with a guide dog trying to navigate there.

We have a system down- we pay for our food and then navigate back into the store to the back door where we can exit without lots of obstacles for a water break in quiet. This is a spot that I can even remove my mask if I am quick about it for my own drink of water and drying of the mask. It makes the trip back to the max-heading for home so much easier as well as keeping Thane off too much grass which is one of his prime seasonal allergens.

There are some curb cuts that have been grated with cross hatches in a weird way. For some reason they are not hard for Thane on the up curb direction, but we have struggled with these curbs from the get-go. Some of these cross hatches are actually on the high curb edge though as opposed to the curb cut. There've been a couple tricky landings as a result. I began working with these through some great insights from my good friend Rox'E at The Doghouse Let the Fur Fly blog. Today, Thane did fantastic! In his approach to get me into the curbcut itself though, he had to follow it up split second by traffic checking me because well--- some people don't know the meaning of a STOP sign. Its not a roll through sign- really it is not! snicker

Though we had been there with plenty of time to spare, the first max collected its ambulatory passengers and took off without us. There is no way he can claim he did not see us. This is not the first time and Thane was hot. I was not happy. Someone pointed out that there was a Trimet utility truck across the tracks so we went and had a talk with him. He tried to call the supervisor but could not get him on the line. I called as soon as I was rested when we came home. Since it only happens at that one stop and only with the new trains, I felt it was time to pull on Trimet's ear a bit to figure out WHY this keeps happening.

The next max went much better thankfully since I was carrying milk and meat (in a cool bag with ice packs but its an hours trip usually extended by the missed train). I prefer a different stop for the bus where only our bus comes to that stop. It is less toxic since fewer people use it, but it also makes it easier for Thane- not having to pop up and alert for every bus. Today though was just too hot for Thane without a way to do icepacks yet. We took the transit center stop and played the pop up, pop down game until the bus that came was ours.

The only part of our day, that was not really great work came when we got off the bus. No matter what I did, I could not get Thane into a slow stance. I tried all the arsenols I have in my bag of tricks except his head halter. I could not believe we did so great all day and the last 150 yards had to be done in a head halter, but thems the breaks. I don't know what the reason was, but once in the head halter, he worked like a champ again. I know there are two parts to this team and the problem may not have just been Thane. Sometimes you just have to manage until you can figure out the *whys*.

I look at this day as a victory day in so many ways that I'm not going to let the last 150 yards be a downer for us. This was a fabulous day that I want to keep alive in my mind.

I am beat, he is beat- but summer is here! Isn't it WONDERFUL!

Partnership Maintenance- It's Time for a Tune-Up!

2011-06-06T18:59:00.000-07:00

Trainers and handlers alike have a big responsibility in the function of their service dog partnership. I've always felt that I was good at this- you know not just at training obedience, skills, and other necessities but at keeping those aspects at optimal levels throughout the year/s.

Recently I have been taking a second and third and fourth look at this team of ours. It has problems I will admit that. I think the biggest thing that impacts our partnership is honestly where we live. Living in rain nine or more months a year, makes it very difficult to take your time as you work. My good friend Sharon at After Gadget blog in her comment reply to me in her post WOOT! Do I Have a Working Dog? said something pertaining to her own situation that stuck with me. She talks about how Barnum had been getting mixed signals in LLW due to other people not having the same requirements of him. I was thinking about the mixed messages and though Thane's work in harness is generally the same year around, I will admit that I am less likely to slow down and work on keeping work at the optimum performance and/ or fixing things that are slipping when its wet and rainy outside.

During wet weather all I want to do is get the errands done as quickly as possible, get inside the dry bus quickly, get inside the max quickly, get inside the store quickly. Are you following the pattern here? LOL Three-quarters of the year, I ask Thane to function in a rushing here, rushing there mode and then when the land dries up and the sky quits dumping its rain, I wonder why I can not get him to slow down! Now its probably not all about the messages I have given to him all year long, but it certainly plays a roll.

In looking at how well we function, not just while Thane is guiding me but in other areas as well, I've come to see areas that we need to address. Some is most definitely from those mixed messages- letting sloppy function slide because I was too tired, too sick, too cold, too miserable in the rain. These things all contribute to the falling apart of teamwork.

Don't get me wrong, our work and partnership are not in jeopardy, but I need to make permanent changes in the *me* end of the partnership to assure that the *Thane* end of it stays in top form. In the process, of getting some of our communication and follow through back to where it should be, I will be working intently on the messages I am giving Thane. Am I myself following through with clarity or am I telling him by my inaction or acceptance of less than stellar form that my commands are mere suggestions.

Thane most definitely still meets criteria for a service dog, but in taking a look at flaws I see (many of which were not there the end of summer) it has also taken me back to see areas that I went through a bit quickly and/ or even may have passed over altogether because at the time I saw no or minimal at most application to my needs from him or that I was so messed up from grief that I skipped things over entirely without even realizing it. Second Dog Syndrome has many features that are easy to miss!

Now I am eager to take a step back- look at the big picture and make a checklist of areas we should work on with whatever summer we get. I am eager to address these areas with clarity for Thane and as a result to hopefully rid all of those mixed messages I've been handing down to him. The hardest aspect won't be in the re-train/ re-vamp process, but it will be months from now when the hard rains return for us to work in again. My hope is that I will be able to remember what I am seeing happen to our partnership now as a result of lowering my expectations because I just wanted to get things done as quickly as possible.

And for the simply curious, right now I'm working on something with him that I never really put much time or effort into other than to assure he understood my request, that of working on the opposite side of me. No, not in harness, but it could be handy for indoor function and tasks as well as transportation- not to mention that its just sort of fun!

So thanks Sharon at After Gadget for helping me to look more intently at my partnership!

Its the Little Things that Tip the Scale

2011-06-04T17:45:00.000-07:00

As a person living with MCS (Multiple Chemical Sensitivities), shopping online has set me free to shop independently from my very own living room (often times with much minimal toxicity) There are definitely the good companies that try hard to go the extra mile for me- places like Filters-Now and Purely Pets are the two that I can think of right off the top of my head. Knowing my needs Filters-Now goes above and beyond what most would do- double boxing my filters to protect them from the UPS drivers toxicity. It actually began when someone in the warehouse double boxed things once. From then on, I requested that. Many places will charge out of this world shipping charges if they do fulfil such a need for a client. Not only are they always happy to help in this manner, but what is even better is they do not send me smelly ads or catalogues via snail mail.

Some other awesome companies I deal with are Dr Natura, iherb, and Amazon. None of these companies use toxic packaging (to me) and they also do not send me smelly ads or catalogues.

I have my list of companies I will never shop with again though. These companies not only have been asked on numerous occasions by both snail mail and email to remove me from their mailing lists due to toxic mailings and the fact that being blind I can not read them anyway, but they have chosen not to comply. Two of the companies I used ONLY for Chimette, my previous service dog. I have not ordered anything from them since August 2007. They still send me their catalogue and sales monthly. Following Mets passing, this just poured salt in the wound- they still to this day will not remove me and I still must deal with their toxic mailings.

Ironically one of the most toxic mailings I get (at least to me) comes from a company built around organics (Lifekind). I have not ordered from them since 2001 and like the others no amount of letter writing by snail or email gets them to comply. All of these companies jeopardize my health EVERY time they send me a catalogue. Not only are the papers and inks they use toxic for me, but they gather further toxicity through the mail system. Something is very wrong when a company continues to send catalogues to a person for years after their last order and multiple requests for removal are ignored. I've tried the mail address to cease unwanted junk mail, but another interesting ironic twist is that after writing there, the junk mail increased! Who wants to get sick just because they got the mail!

There are also some companies that I used to absolutely love. Their packing material was simply paper and then with no notice they changed to styrofoam (a profound sensitivity of mine that can send me to ER) Multiple emails went unanswered as to why the change and whether or not this was to be the permanent change or just for certain items, but most especially if they would be willing to pack differently on my orders. As a result of this, some long loved companies have entered the *never order from* list as well. It saddens me that the customers needs and requests are not always met with the kind of attitude I get from Filters-Now and Purely Pets.

I continue to seek out companies who do not shower me with toxic ads and catalogues; companies who listen to my shipping needs and show that they care by providing me with safe packaging. They truly are the greatest!

YOWSER! It's SUMMER!

2011-06-04T14:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a beautiful day, but today is even more so! Summer has come to the Pacific Northwest- even if its just for a few days.

Yesterday I really overdressed! I was dressed for winter with all my MCS protective layering and I was roasting and about ready to pass out from the inability to regulate this excessive heat from my body and layers. I had Thane in his coat, but stripped it before we even got on the bus to head out.

Today I woke up feeling like death warmed over. I had planned to go to New Seasons today but after not getting up until nine coupled with toxicity from dealing with the bank, dealing with the issues associated with re-training my body to the regular harness, and dealing with the heat- I decided we would just attempt to take some new photos of the two of us with the timer that I have the steps memorized for and then take a run to pick up my meds at the local pharmacy outdoor pickup window.

With about forty to fifty pictures snapped, we got about three good ones. LOL It is getting much harder for me to ascertain placement of camera and placement of us in order to get us both in the picture- not to mention my inability to judge when the picture will be going off now. I thought I would share one with you all though since I know I have people following the blog that are very visual folks and sometimes wish there was more than the banner picture of Thane.

Photo Alt Text: Thane looks up at me with eye contact as I hold my left hand in our *stay* sign

Our newly planned outing for today was a good situation to give my backup chair batteries a good little run. It's dry out and we were not going indoors so I liked the circumstances for doing that without getting it too toxic. I felt the air outside the door to determine how to dress. I put on just one pair of light-weight thermals along with my new organic cotton low impact dyed pants, which are now actually quite big for me (giggle), I grabbed my light-weight pull over organic sweatshirt, harnessed Thane up without his coat and off we went.

I knew by the time we exited the complex that I had over dressed. I was wearing much lighter attire than yesterday, but it was also almost noon by the time we got out of here. I was planning to do the shorter route, but Thane really wanted the long way so I gave in. He was guiding pretty good until I nearly clipped him on a turn. I need to work on the turn programming without altering the forward and reverse speeds. He quickly set back into his normal guide pace with a good pull for me until we got to a spot in the sidewalk of flooding. I had anticipated that would be dry today since it did not rain yesterday. I was not happy about taking my backup chair with new bearings through there. Thane walked through the dirt himself as he very slowly guided me through the yuck. Then off we went at our more normal clip.

When we arrived at the the sidewalk for crossing and entrance to Bi-mart, drivers were being plain rude refusing to stop for us. Thane finally had enough of that and stuck up for us MAKING them stop. Don't get me wrong, he was not dangerous in his decision, but had he not done that, we'd probably still be there. I hate Bi-mart weekend shoppers!

The parking lot was not much better than the crosswalk was. Thane decided today we were going to take the path of least resistance. He guided me across the lot going parallel to the main street before taking me towards the store. This area of the lot is always less used and just a safer approach when its busy since Bi-mart is one of the stores that built access to their store around the model of *everyone drives a car*. I was proud of his decision process. He seems to be so much more in tune with this type of decision making since we came so close to being hit.

No one was at the prescription pick-up window when we arrived so Thane got some good resting time in shade while they finished helping someone at the indoor counter. He was quite warm and really appreciated that break. I definitely have to get on a design for a cooling vest that can work with Thane's new harness design.

I have a great idea in my mind- partially in the fabric design and partially thanks to my friend Sharon at After Gadget blog for reminding me about the easy conforming freezer mat that I had planned to get for Thane this summer.

The short route trip home was pretty uneventful until we got to our front door. I took off his lead and handle outside so that when he entered he could get some water if he wanted. I have had to work hard with Thane in regards to his acceptance of other children since his first encounter with my neighbors *mean* grand-daughter two years ago. I did not know they were here today; otherwise I would have taken Thane inside while still on lead mere for proactiveness. You know the methodology, set them up to succeed!

My neighbor has been told by management to not allow her to interfere with us or other tenants, but this has not stuck. We still have to manage her ourselves. No positive instruction works. No firmness works. No telling her to go back to her grandmothers apartment works for long. The only thing I have found to work is acting as though I am unaware she is there- even when I am aware. This works in situations where Thane is in a better situation- protected by my position (at least partially any way) in relation to his and where she is at- like today when he was able to escape her by mere millisecond timing of my opening the door just as she slipped past on the rear end without me realizing it and kicked at him. She missed because Thane has lightening speed that she doesn't have.VBG

We have made huge leaps and bounds in the area of children which is just so awesome. He now gets excited when he sees the boys in an apartment across the parking lot from the dumpster. I know I will ALWAYS be what some may consider as over protective when it comes to her, but after how badly it affected his work around children, I have to put our partnership over her. I'm just glad that today there was not anything to have to re-work with him where other children may be concerned.

We could come inside and reflect on the beautiful outing we took- on how well Thane remained calm in the presence of my neighbor's grand-daughter and of another thing I discovered in keeping his pull nice and even paced- talking to my dog! I don't always keep up conversation on the road as we travel through town because frankly the more I talk in the mask, the faster I become oxygen deprived. For such a short outing though, periodic conversation- especially in that last homeward stretch, really paid off!

One of My Biggest Pet Peeves

2011-06-03T19:57:00.000-07:00

Nothing gets on me more than businesses who have accessible checkouts and counters because the ADA requires it, but that don't keep them open or staffed with someone without you having to go through hassles of getting them to come and help you there.

With the bank, you also have to just deal with them taking your Debit/ Credit cards, ID and whatever else they need to serve you to another station out of your sight, because they won't log in to the accessible station. Its wrong and makes it so easy for one of us to become victims of fraud. It probably won't happen at the bank, but why should we have to put up with that, when able bodied people don't.

They are also one of the hardest places for me to access. The doors are heavier than need be IMO and getting help usually requires people to first see us struggling to huge lengths only to offer their help at a point in this struggle when their help becomes more of a hindrance than a help- ie we are already set in the right mode for entering independently and I lose my one thing that can directionally align me- that of holding onto the door because lets face it, without automatic doors, I can't enter a place with Thane in harness.

The bank is possibly the most toxic place I have to enter as well. I am ALWAYS sick after going to the bank. I MUST go to the bank because I am incapable of using the checkout debit card machines and I can not update my ID card for the state due to the horrendous effects it will have upon both my health and my vision. The primary store that I shop for Thane at does not take credit cards and I do not get enough in food stamps to cover both of our needs. As a result every month I have to expose myself to the toxicity of the bank to collect cash for Thane's food needs and my non-food stamp items. I then put the toxic cash on a Winco gift card so I do not have to handle it every time we need something.

With MCS, I really need to be able to get in and out of businesses as quickly as possible. When businesses such as the bank do not staff their accessibility window, it tells me two things. 1) They think just the presence of the window makes them compliant and 2) They don't value me as a customer very much.

Today I was at the bank and had to deal with this rude scenario for the umpteenth time. I will admit, I lost my cool and made a big scene yelling *Hello, can I get service some time?* That was met with them considering me to be impatient but since they had served not one, not two, not three, but four people who came into the bank line AFTER I had- they deserved it.

I needed some additional help and the way the supervisor was just made me want to scream. Making a comment to the teller that since I had waited to go ahead and do that now- as if I should have waited additional time to have the assistance to activate my new debit card when they don't provide TTY phone numbers for this and there is as of yet no such thing as a deafblind accessible ATM and even the ones accessible to the blind are not accessible to those with MCS.

Now if this was a one time occurrence or happened on occasion that would be one thing, but EVERY month I go through this same ordeal. My folks could probably quite easily cash the check for me and prevent both the MCS exposure and this ordeal but that is not the point- the point is if the accessible counter or checkout is not staffed, they ARE NOT complying with the ADA or treating us like all other customers. Believe me I have tried to use the inaccessible counters but with the barrier created by those line flow obstacles that are used, there is no way I can. If I make it to the teller, I can't get back out until everyone else has completed at their teller and even then there is not enough room for Thane to guide me through the path.

Its not just banks that do this. Most stores in my area are pretty good and most, if not all, of the checkouts are accessible. Some of the smaller stores though still have the one or two checkouts only that a wheelchair can get through. Its these same stores that do not keep the accessible ones staffed. Its like they still live back in the 70's and 80's. I do have one of these stores trained. Of course I got them trained with a lecture that ended with, *I wonder what the ADA hotline would have to say about whether or not you really are accessible or not* Ever since then, they keep their eyes on us as we are nearing the checkout and jump on over to the accessible one. Too bad the bank has not done that. Now that I would consider good service. Of course keeping it open all the time would be ideal since non-disabled people could easily use the disabled counter but not the other way around. You have it, use it, is my philosophy!

Adjusting to Different Gear

2011-06-03T17:00:00.000-07:00

Thane has spent the last couple weeks with minimal walks and work, but in an older harness design which I was able to adapt the add-on loops to. His work was pretty good after a couple walks to adjust to the way the harness differences felt as he pulled into his guiding role.

The other day I found a sore beginning on Thane's lower neck area. I thought it was related to another item I was using but when I played around with his harness, I could tell it was related to it. I had forgotten that when I was using that harness, I had to add extra padding in that area. That is a big whoops.

The regular harness design has the girth strap further forward right behind his front legs. This changes how the handle pulls the harness on his body- making it a gentler pull to him.

Today I put him back in his regular setup as his skin has been healed well for about a week. I could not figure out why his work was so off. It was a beautiful sunny day which often elicits great work from him. We managed to get through our errands although it was a bit more work on my part to keep him focused and navigating well. I checked the area where the sore was and it was not the culprit. I just could not put my finger on the change after he worked so great the other day. It felt like *work* to me to be working him. Don't get me wrong. This was nothing like the hard work while in training, just his navigating was often times resistant and other times he was being overly dramatic about following edges.

I had been home for a little while and realized I felt sore. It was not the normal sore of when he has a harder harness pull as that was not the case today- nevertheless it was noticeably sore. That is when it donned on me. We had not only been working much less lately, but in a harness that was enough different structurally that it changed the angle of the handle, the distance forward positionally that he walked, and the length between connection and loop. Thane was going through adjustment to this change, just like my arm is.

Sometimes I can be a pretty dense handler LOL

A Little Miracle Called Taurine Changes Thane's Work

2011-06-01T15:47:00.000-07:00

Thane has been quite a trooper the last couple weeks. My limitations from skin issues and subsequent MCS exposure and crash have meant that walks and work are the furthest thing from my mind.

Today began like another slowing into living type of day. I could see that the lack of work was beginning to drag on Thane though so rather than settling down to watch some shows on RTV, I harnessed Thane up for a walk and Bi-mart.

In the past, any length of being home for more than three or four days brought with it sound reactivity, a harder pull in harness, poor focus at best, and an overall feeling from me of working with a trainee rather than the skilled guide dog Thane has become.

After some soul searching and trial and error with various dietary and supplemental changes, keeping in mind the possibility of finding a supplement that would not heighten release of histamine in its retinal support, I put Thane on Taurine. Its a supplement that I have lots of experience with from Met. I credit this supplement for making it possible for Thane to be as relaxed and *go with the flow* as he has been the last couple weeks.

When we head out the door now, his pace and pull in harness is awesome. I no longer wonder so much about having a long partnership with Thane. See before with his hard pull, I felt that I would come to a time when for my own structural health, I would have to end this partnership. Things are so different now though. We have not been out since our trip to New Seasons on Sunday. There was no sign of energy bursting to be released like might have occurred in the past. All I received from Thane was a good even pace that pretty much matched my own needs for the day.

It was later than we usually head out which could have been problematic at the store. Instead there really was not a lot of shoppers to negotiate. Thane often has trouble with the polished floors keeping his footing. Though slowing down my speed and reminding him to stay on his feet (as opposed to claw walking) helps a lot, it never completely eliminated the problem. I've also noticed marked improvement in this area as we navigate some *slip and slide* floors.

Though we found nothing of interest at the store today, we apparently spent a short enough time in the store that exposure did not turn into much of a reaction today. That is a really good thing in my book because BI-mart tends to be one of the smelliest stores I need to access.

After leaving the store, I forgot to increase my speed again. Thane stuck to the speed I was moving at despite giving me a bit of an alert that *this slow* wasn't normal in the middle of a parking lot. We took the long walk home to be sure to detox ourselves as much as possible as well as grabbing a bit more exercise to sustain Thane until our next errand run.

Though it might not sound like a lot to others, this change in Thane's work and ability to accept the speed I am moving at are all huge blessings for me in dealing with the issues associated with my disabilities as I work a high energy guide dog.

The Collision of Veterinary Care with MCS for Service Dog Handlers

2011-06-01T11:05:00.000-07:00

Those of us with MCS with service dogs, know all too well that when we go out in the community shopping, to the bank, to the Drs, or to the Vets that they may very well become as toxic as our bodies, our clothing and our wheelchairs do.

In many aspects I am very lucky with Thane that way, but with Met it was a real chore to keep him detoxed. Most people finally get my *hands off* rule so its rare anyone pets Thane, but when they do, its into the bath he goes.

Living in the pacific northwest can have its advantages. Three quarters of the year, Thane is swathed in a coat that covers his entire back and chest. This has become a remarkable tool in limiting toxicity on him and thus saving his skin from excessive bathing needs.

When it comes to vets though, this is an area where MCS and care collide. I don't know what it is about veterinary clinics and hospitals. I don't understand why everything they use from cleaning floors, to laundry, to their hands and clothing must smell like a chemical bath. I don't understand how they can *first do no harm* using so much toxicity when they deal with epileptics triggered by chemicals and those with allergies whose conditions have stability only through great attention by their owners to avoidance of chemicals, cleaners, and the like. This attends to the dog side of the equation but what about the human side?

Individuals with severe MCS can often benefit from service animals to help them avoid exposures or function with the limitations these exposures place upon them, but with this partnership also comes the responsibility to assure the dog is in good health or to get it care when injured or sick. The last thing we as the handler should have to consider is how this care will affect us, but when dealing with MCS it often is the first thing we have to consider.

My previous vet was fairly non-toxic as long as clients did not bathe in perfume or cologne. When it came to the exam rooms, I never had issues with him nor did Met have to be bathed the instant we got home. His surgical setup was definitely toxic though which I learned the hard way resulting in both Met and I paying the consequences from his scented detergent, fabric softener use, and overall chemical laden area. Though surgery is not often required, this vet was also one of those that over vaccinates inducing disease and then follows that up by over treating. After losing my first service dog, I wised up and knew we needed better. I wanted Thane to have a better chance for a stronger immune system and healthier working career than his predecessor Met had.

I do have a much better vet for Thane because I listened to my heart, to a recommendation, and was willing to take a chance with the unknown. At least in realms of Thane's care, she takes the *do as little as required* principle as opposed to drugging him for every little thing. She is open-minded to other gentler approaches when they can be just as effective. She also charges about half what the previous vet did with gains of knowledge and understanding of what is going on that far exceed what I would get from the previous vet. I love this practice where it comes to the actual care Thane receives.

On the other hand, in the three years I have used this clinic there has only been one time when we left that I did not have to bathe Thane and wash all of his gear. It was a fluke but it proved that there is definitely something in use there for hand washing that is at the route of it all. I deal with this because it easily washes out and generally I can plan our visits when I can easily come home and bathe Thane before he contaminates anything- especially our bed. I deal with it mostly because of her care and commitment to Thane and I as well as that she has the understanding that care she may need to implement could impact my life dramatically. She is the most awesome vet for an assistance dog partnership to use. I love her and frankly the biggest hold for me in not returning to California is that we have such an awesome vet looking out for Thane and our partnership.

Not all preventative care for Thane can be achieved through use of his regular vet here in town. Its unfortunate, but its reality. Last month I took Thane for a check with the ophthamologist. This is a crucial part of life with a guide dog. I need to know that his eyes are functioning properly and won't impact our safety. Its also so important when dealing with eye diseases to get treatment sooner rather than later. I knew from my previous visit to the clinic that their idea of accessibility for getting inside the adapted entry/ converted house was not ADA compliant. I did not think much about it when making the appointment. I had forgotten how hard it had been the first time and most especially did not take into consideration the fact that I had lost a substantial amount of vision since our previous visit. Even if I was happy with the care he received, that entrance is not going to happen again. I am not going to be the one who gets injured or killed because they were too thoughtless to gate off the stair entrance for safety of those in wheelchairs when they get to the top of the ramp onto the narrow porch.

This vet definitely did not have Thane's best interest at heart. She knew he was an allergy and giardia dog. She knew that he reacts to synthetic supplements negatively. She knew there were some things going on that may or may not be visually related. Not only did she not dilate his eyes in declaring that he has no signs of a retinal disease, instead opting to say his symptoms may be indicative of early retinal change, but she put him on a supplement that was SYNTHETIC assuring me that there was nothing that could be problematic with it. She nearly gave him double the dose she did. Lets just say its a GOOD thing I talked her out of that! The supplement turned out to have a known side effect of releasing histamine! If all this nonsense was not bad enough, she left him so toxic for me that a bath was not enough. It took a few days for him to fully detox. It was rough on me. It isn't like taking a pet to the vet (though I appreciate how difficult that is for those with MCS). I had need for help from Thane but had to balance between his help he would provide me with and reacting further from close contact with him. I also had to deal with his discomfort from the histamine release that left him in a profound allergy attack as well as GI upheaval that had not been a part of our life for over a year.

I have chosen to share this side of MCS because its something most people do not even realize when they hear about a person having MCS. MCS is multi-faceted. It is a disability that under the ADA requires businesses to make reasonable accomodations. With my present vet, I'd only request this if it were to become a bigger problem. With the Ophthamologist my choice is to find someone else. If I were happy with the care and she took me seriously, I could simply go to her primary office (unless it too is modified in such haste with no regard to safety). There is too much that is not OK though with the care provided. There is no way to provide the type of care required with an exam outdoors and the level of toxicity (mom says they also use air fresheners right where they directed me to sit) coupled with their non-compliance of ADA guidelines in the ramp design is just not OK for me. I am not going to take that chance again. I was in bed for days and low functioning for two weeks. In this situation the risks were not worth the benefits.

Its a game of the scales- balancing MCS exposure and reactions on one side and the care of your assistance dog on the other. In a perfect world the issues with MCS exposure and reaction would not happen, but we don't live in a perfect world. The best we can do is find the best most understanding practice in our vicinity to work with and to hopefully keep our dogs immune system strong through species appropriate diet and minimal chemicals so that visits to the vet become strictly for health checkups as opposed to the frequency they can be when vaccinosis or other diseases set in.

Inappropriate Pull on Lead vs Necessary Pull in Harness

2011-05-31T15:59:00.000-07:00

Recently in conversation via email with my Dad, I had an opportunity to explain some concepts with him in a good light. The topic though made me realize that when I discuss Thane's pull in harness on lists, tweets, or in blog entries that there may be others who have a misconception of this. I thought this would be a great place to explain some of what Dad and I discussed.

Ideally all dogs but most especially all service dogs should be taught to walk on a loose lead (LLW). That does not mean that all owner trained teams do as there are those unfortunately who bypass foundation training and jump right to task training, never to return to those fundamental essential tasks for their dogs.

My Dad was just being curious and even included in his question his *ignorance* about service dog training and task training but at the same time called me an expert. Of course reading that I cracked up. I definitely do not see myself as an expert, but in his eyes, in realms of training my dogs, he sees what I am able to do and is awed. Quite a contrast to his acceptance of my disabilities as seen in my entry, Independent Travel When Acceptance and Disabilities Collide.

When one gets a dog, unless it comes from a service, hearing, or guide dog program, chances are the dog will pull on the lead. Your new dog will need to be trained to walk nicely using loose leash walking techniques. This is often easier said than done.

Training Thane to walk on leash just about killed my shoulder and as for my hair, I am surprised I did not go bald trying to accomplish it all. We eventually got it. Though we don't practice LLW in public in terms of the pet or non-guide dog position, I do not allow Thane to extend so his leash is taut UNLESS we need to use leash guiding for a narrow area or area that is too steep that could put too much pressure on Thane from the harness girth strap as a result of the tension on the harness handle.

As I was explaining to my Dad, when I discuss Thane's pull, what I am referring to is the tension one feels in the harness handle. At least as a wheelchair guide team, there must be some pull felt in the harness handle. If this does not take place, I would not be able to tell the movements for obstacle clearance that Thane must take. With an ambulatory team, some clearances are done by the guide gently pushing into the handler for obstacle avoidance. This type of movement could be dangerous for a guide dog partnered with a handler in a wheelchair.

There will always be some pull in the guide handle felt by the handler. The pull can be from mild to hard. It can also differ based on length and angle of the harness handle. Everyone I imagine has different definitions for what constitutes a mild, moderate, or hard pull in harness.

My previous service dog was probably half way between mild and moderate where mild would have been too little pull for a wheelchair guide team. We also though used a flexible handle as opposed to the rigid handle I use with Thane as a result of the progression of my blindness that requires me to have much more precise guidance. I imagine that had I use this handle with Met, he would probably have been a moderate pull.

Thane most definitely was a hard harness pull for some time and fluctuated with intervals of hard even after things would settle into the moderate pull range. A lot of this, I see in hindsite, was caused by my own reactions and mood. If I was overly enthusiastic about the outing- boy oh boy! If I was not in the mood to be going, out came the goof ball. In working with Thane, I had to learn not only how to train and respond to him, but how to balance my own emotions.

Another trigger for differing pulls is linked to another of my disabilities. I recently discovered that in the use of my tilt which alters the angle of the harness handle, it also makes a difference in the harness pull. Now that I understand this concept which was discovered during my bout of skin problems when I could not use the tilt for any work in harness until yesterday and then only slight, my approach will definitely change. If I really need more tilt and its triggering a harder pull, use of a longer handle can often reduce the pull I feel in the handle.

The point though of all of this is that pull in harness is to be considered a good and necessary thing. Guide dog schools try and pair their dogs to the pace and strength needs of their candidates. For me, I do understand that Thane is a bit much dog when it comes to pull in harness for me. This all said, some changes with his diet this month have proven most beneficial and calming for him so I am most hopeful that the pull I have been experiencing for the most part the last couple weeks, may in fact be who he has become as a moderate harness pull guide.

If that is not the case, I have in my mind come to an acceptance somewhat for who he is- I mean its awfully hard to judge when his reaction time and harness pull saved our bacon.

Independent Travel When Acceptance and Disabilities Collide

2011-05-31T13:55:00.000-07:00

People who are blind rely on other senses to travel safely and independently. As a deafblind individual, I am already down one sense. About 1 1/2 years ago, I decided that my ability to reduce reactions meant more to me than what people might think about my change from a carbon filtered mask to a respirator mask (AKA gas mask). My reactions were greatly reduced though I had to be careful about duration of use because it can induce some oxygen deprivation problems if worn too long.

I love that I can go to town with Thane and come home able to still play with him after some rest time albeit a bit less energetic in my play. I am not left feeling death warmed over. I am not sent to bed for the next couple days. I am not left unable to give Thane the walks he needs or more training. Of course this is the general scope of things. There are still some exposures that do set me back but those are mostly ones that hit in my close home vicinity- ie things that expose my home as opposed to things I am exposed to when shopping or having an adventure.

What I did not realize or anticipate was that I had actually been relying on the smells that were merely subdued by my carbon mask to determine some of my safer navigation. Thane and I had some real roller coaster times during his first couple years of work. Sometimes I took errand runs without him due to health, stress level, or injuries. It was most noticeable in the absence of Thane, just how much the change to the respirator mask altered my awareness of my surroundings. For instance with the carbon mask, I still smelled exhaust and could tell how close it was to me based on intensity of the smell as I approached driveways. With the respirator mask I really have to mentally slow down and feel the changes in the sidewalk surface; paying close attention to the time its taken me to travel without altering my pace which would then alter how long it takes to get to each drive entrance along the sidewalk path.

Before I received a wheelchair with a headrest on it, my neck would never have been strong enough to withstand the weight of a respirator mask. Thanks to this change which I had qualified for even with my previous chair but rejected because in my mind I was not that disabled. Yes, I was that disabled but its all a matter of perception. I did not want to *look* that disabled. I was still dealing with a lot in my path towards acceptance of my disabilities. I was still living with continued deterioration. I would come to accept myself for who I had become and BAM! another deterioration mode would set in and the grief process would begin anew.

By the time I got my present chair though (and subsequent backup chair), I had come to terms with accepting me for who I was- at least in terms of my quad and para parameters. I would come to realize however that a lot of my acceptance issues were related to my families lack of acceptance. Oh they play a good act, but when it comes right down to the various aspects of the causes of my disabilities and/ or the sensory disabilities- lets just say they live in the land of denial with the largest font all caps one could ever achieve.

About two years ago when I was at my folks place in their yard one summer day, my dad tried to show me something clear across the other end of the yard. Their yard is the length of three yards on their back fence line. When I *reminded* him that I could not see that and was in fact, BLIND, his response to me was that if I could not see that I had no business leaving my home alone. I pointed to Thane laying at my side as I *reminded* him that I did not leave it alone but with a great guide dog! His response to me still stings but I have come to accept that he will just be this way. This is nothing along the lines of parents not wanting their children to suffer, but absolute denial. When my mom had cataracts and entered legal blindness albeit very temporary, you should have heard her carry on about her blindness! MY GOODNESS! In private, I thought it was just TOO FUNNY!

Until I could separate myself from looking for my parents acceptance of who I was, I was not going to be able to accept myself or my disabilities- especially the deterioration in the sensory side of things with my deafblindness. I really have to hand it to my friend Rox'E at The Doghouse, Let the Fur Fly blog. As our friendship grew stronger, I learned to find acceptance of the progression of my dual sensory loss but most especially about my blindness. I had called myself VI for so long- well beyond the point of legal blindness. I could not come to terms with reality- that of the fact that I was blind and the progression at that point was on a fast track.

Through Rox'Es acceptance of herself as a deafblind individual, I began to understand that I did not need my parents acceptance to find my own and thus change my outlook on who I am and could be as an individual with multiple disabilities- many of which were proof of my own tenacity and inability to let anything get between me and living my life.

I count myself fortunate to have the friends I do- they have shown me that I don't need others acceptance, only my own.

MCS Awareness in Form of Medical Alert Training for Multiple Disability Service Dogs

2011-05-31T12:40:00.000-07:00

MCS is not just for thirty-one days- it's a 365 day a year variable disease that one lives with and finds ways to cope with and reduce reactions. Its a disease of abstinence of the triggers and parts of life that can and often will bring on symptoms from mild to profound. This is a disease I have lived with for over a decade in the severe to profound form and at least another decade in milder form- not to mention the triggers I can remember from as far back as age 9 and 10. Thanks to my friend Sharon at After Gadget, I learned what this was and how to help myself be as healthy as I can be.

My previous service dog, Chimette (AKA Met) began to naturally alert me when I was getting into trouble. Once this began, fine tuning his alert and follow through saved me many times from severe reactions. When he died, I lost much more than a guide, hearing, and service dog. My MCS stability tanked out. I knew what I had with Met was something very special. Its rare to have a dog who works really effectively for two disabilities let alone to encompass four areas. That all said, I had to live my life believing it would happen again- for after all if I didn't have that hope, what kind of life was ahead for me in finding stability again.

Thane has turned out to be an awesome guide dog, a good service dog, but in the other areas as a hearing dog and medical alert dog for MCS, my hopes were waning. Some of it could be in strategy and training approach. Its a whole different thing to train a dog who is not naturally alerting first to actually alert and follow through than it is to just fine tune and train the follow through phase for MCS alerts.

Some people laugh when they hear me say that a Border Collie is a born guide dog but not so much as a hearing dog. Thane has overcome a lot in the time with me including some intense intervals of sound reactivity. Met was also sound reactive so I don't believe this plays a roll. I have come to terms with the aspect that Thane may very well never make an indoor hearing dog- drat that ball obsession! Its OK and I can get along with other alerting mechanisms in the home. Its certainly not quite as reliable as a hearing dog- but for now, I've taken the pressure off of both of us by tabling this type of training. I once felt the same way about retrieve however and he is now an awesome retriever. Training is not over until the last breath he takes.

Another reason for tabling hearing dog training is that recently I have realized that Thane has become more alert to problems in the environment for me. Where this has really shown up is with smokers that are walking ahead of us, waiting at bus stops, or nearby. Just as I had to do with guide dog training, I am having to learn to trust my dog when he slows down dramatically, speeds up, or chooses a different spot than our usual place to wait for the bus or max. I got myself a hefty reinforcement of this one day last week when I did not trust in Thane's judgment. I thought he was just fooling around and gave him commands which in fact ignored his attempt at alerting me. I paid for disregarding Thane's attempt because I had an older mask on that did not block as completely the toxins around me. That nasty whiff of cigarette smoke was the best thing that could have happened to show me that Thane had a good reason for what he was doing.

Alert training for MCS is much different than other Medical Alert task training. It is trained a lot along the lines of scent training, but with one HUGE difference. The goal in training this for MCS is not for the dog to take you towards the scent but away from. In my situation as a deafblind individual in a wheelchair, the situation does not always allow for my dogs to get me out of the area immediately. Often times the best approach is one where my dog halts and we wait for a bit while the offender/ offensive smell leaves our vicinity as opposed to us increasing our speed and thus me being exposed even more so to the trigger.

In time, I have no doubt that Thane will alert and follow through on my MCS triggers just as effectively as he traffic checks me when drivers try to run us down.

MCS is and always will be until a cure is found a big part of my life. Some days I feel pretty well considering where I have come from- nearly bed ridden when Sharon began her education and support with me, but all it takes is one bad exposure to lower my resistance and bring on the symptoms like what I have been dealing with since this weekends rude neighbor marathon burning episode.

I am just grateful that Thane is beginning the path towards becoming my Medical Alert dog. Its an amazing feeling to have my perception of his capability proven wrong.

Different Ways for Different Times

2011-05-29T23:17:00.000-07:00

As an owner trainer of my service dogs, I get many concepts when it comes to training my dogs. I understand that even within a same breed, individual dogs can learn concepts differently, that they may need me to alter my approach to training, that they may fit within the realm of softness to hardness differently in one type of scenario than they are as a general overall principle for them as an individual, that one dog may have certain areas where they follow your lead and other areas or times where their stubbornness can go off the charts.

I won't say these aspects are always easy or that I work with and through them in a perfect fashion. That has been far from the case. It takes the training of many dogs of different breeds and temperaments for any trainer to be truly skilled at what they do. Much of what I have done, has come through much trial and error. In Thane's case it was also clouded by grief and the mentality of trying to mold Thane into Met.

But this post is not so much about these factors- as these factors concentrate around the dog side of the training and team- much of which at this stage with Thane I have figured out the direction and approach that works best or am flexible enough to follow the lead he is showing me to get to the place I seek to be. I have figured out that he is a soft dog who vibes off me which has made me a much better handler and individual in dealing with stressful situations. This post is about the handler side of things. It is about dealing with multiple disabilities that often bring with them much fluctuation in my functional day to day life.

I don't talk much about my disabilities in my blog because frankly I just want a place where I am seen for the inside pages as opposed to the book cover of the physical shell. That all said, I am beginning to feel the need to let down my guard as others have done. Perhaps its because by letting down my guard, I can share with you the kinds of training that can truly prepare one for the unknown- so here goes.

When you wake up each morning, you probably know what you are going to feel like, how much energy you will have, how your limbs will function, whether or not you can get to point B without smacking into a wall from vertigo or any other myriad of functions that as an able bodied healthy person you probably take for granted. This isn't the side of the coin that I deal with however.

I have multiple disabilities and have for more years than not. I am a deafblind individual living with incomplete quadriplegia, complete paraplegia, MCS (multiple chemical sensitivities), low kidney function as a reminder of my chemo days, asthma that can rapidly spike to a level of it being hard to communicate secondary to a variety of triggers from my MCS, and a problem that to this day no one has the answers to. It comes on with minimal notice and can affect me in a myriad of ways- feeling like blood sugar is crashing or I'm going to pass out without typical treatments of such bearing any changes on the sensation, vertigo, loss of where I am in space, episodes of complete deafness and at the least greater level of blindness, confusion of how I got where I am- like being in a daydream but not having any daydream of thoughts to cause it. Its believed its linked to the cause of my blindness and to the cause of the further deterioration of my deafness but not the initial cause of that condition. I've accepted that possibility since it is viral in nature and the cause of my GI system roller coaster ride.

My disabilities have several causes working together from birth or shortly thereafter to accident causation to disease. The mere fact that I am alive is a testament to my tenacity and stubbornness but at the same time that survival is a factor in the progressive nature of some of my disabilities and even the causation of others.

The month of May has been MCS awareness month. You'd think I would be shouting out about it every day. Instead I sat back and let others do the shouting such as my dear friend Sharon at After Gadget blog. Its stupid I know, but I feel like it takes all the spoons I can muster to live my life with MCS- I'm not going to focus on it in the one place I really have to escape from the trappings of my disabilities and diseases. So there you have it- call it what you will- denial, anger, escape- I just don't want myself to be thought of as the woman with all these diseases and disabilities that it seems too unbelievable to be true that someone like her/ like me can function as independently as I do amidst all this crap that quite frankly, SUCKS!

This is just a fraction- a bit more about what I deal with- but you really can't even begin to fathom what all of this does to one- the amount of energy it takes to do the things I must to live my life. For instance I am severely impacted by smoke, lawn mowing (for up to a week after its been cut), amongst other things. Yesterday the new and very inconsiderate neighbor across the street spent nearly six hours open burning in the field across the way. My lungs are screaming, my voice volume is so low that at times Thane can not hear me and frankly I feel so weak and out of it unable to find my place in space easily if I change position. To say I feel like HELL is an understatement. This is just a really minute piece of what I deal with. If this was not bad enough, mowing has begun both across the street and at the complex I live in. I did other things today that used way more spoons than I had to give, but necessary things nonetheless.

I felt the need to share these aspects before I entered into the real theme of what I am wanting to convey in this post- that of working differently with ones service animal as life's twists and turns bombard you. See some people ask me when I train various skills if they are things I really need or if I am training them to keep Thane's mind stimulated and his stress level from life in an apartment in an area of the country where someone forgot to tell the sky that we should be in summer weather now.

Reality is that some of the skills are only needed on occasion and that some of them are not things that I presently need. I know from experience living in my body though that every day brings with it differences from the previous day or from the next day- surprises essentially. I never know just what I am going to be like before or even after I pull my paralyzed frame out of bed each day.

Today was one of those bad days where so much was wrong, yet with my redhead here, I achieved much. I have not been able to use my tilt for over a week now because the placement of my skin issue from the close call we had over a week ago is such that excessive pressure is placed on it if I tilt. This brings with it extra spasticity and pain as well as more difficulty breathing even without a trigger to my lung function because not only can't I tilt but I can't use positioning belts and harnesses because they too force too much pressure on my skin. Even my digestion has been affected negatively by not being able to use these things. As a result, I must work with my service dog in very different ways. Had I stopped his training, target practice, and not trained the fun for all type tasks into our routine- the errand we ran today never would have been possible.

With extra spasticity comes a need for my dog to ignore sudden thrusts of the harness handle. It also means that he has to be gentler in his approaches with me that require close contact as well as accepting my bouncing leg when he does the paws command or my hands that might accidentally hit him when I reach out to stroke his head. He has to adapt to my functional changes which includes working differently with me in order to get his harness and coat on and off of him- using paws command instead of standing, as well as frequent adjustments and *how high* with each front paw so that various straps can be positioned in just the perfect place. This is not near as easy as it may sound.

With decreased lung function and a gas mask, it also means that my service dog can not hear me make vocal commands. We have spent the last 6-8 months working some key commands in ASL and/ or home sign just for such occurrences. Though his focus and comprehension is still a work in progress with this approach, we can communicate if we take it slow for tasks related to harness work. Foundation and Obedience commands, we are quite a team with.

Today I was a bit disoriented- meaning I wasn't really sure about distances we'd travel and where we were at along that route. That could be dangerous for a deafblind individual. Thane seems to have a sense of how I am doing. On days when I am really lost like this, he seems to get that *goofing off* just isn't OK. Now when I say goofing off, its more little innuendos of harness pull and speed as well as stubbornness about which route we are going to take. In case you are reading this and do not understand the complexities of working a guide dog- harness pull is not the same thing as pulling on lead. Its an important aspect in the work a guide dog performs. A post on this topic is in the works.

Thane spent much of the day realizing I needed just a bit more today- a bit more involvement in household tasks, a bit more involvement in how I play with him, a bit more patience in how much I interacted, a bit more patience with me in realms of errors on my part in communication.

He's a tough and smart little cookie. Without Thane in my life and trained as much as he is (that training is so far from over) I really would not be living the independent life I am today. I would be forced to deal with evaluations for care workers by a worker who doesn't consider my MCS when it comes to her *bathing in everything scented* approach to her own personal care. Basically my disability would make her make changes that frankly she aint going to do. Yes that violates my rights but since I prefer my independent life and could never get workers in our area to comply with whats necessary for life with MCS, I choose not to spend my spoons educating and/ or fighting with a system that is more broke than anyone could fathom. My care worker is my wonderful little redhead smile I hate to think where I would be without this little guy curled up at my feet.

What kind of day will tomorrow bring with it? Will I wake up invigorated or will it be another day to lay at the foot of my bed watching JAG or maybe 4400 re-runs from tapes I made over the years, while telling Thane how sorry I am about not taking him for a walk or to town. Only tomorrow morning will tell that tale.

Freedom!

2011-05-29T14:51:00.000-07:00

Thane and I hit the road this morning. It was our first outing in over a week- the first one since nearly getting hit. I kept him in his old harness but discovered his rain coat can be used with it- YEAH!

We had a nice long walk to the bus. Thane's pull in harness for the most part was perfect which I really liked seeing. He did not appear sound reactive which was a surprise to me after he was home in solitude for so long. I opted to use my guide cane for boarding and de-boarding on the buses to keep pressure off of Thane's chest and belly areas which the steep ramp climb would cause. The drivers were good ones who are always patient with me so it worked out well.

Thane really was working great. Neither of us had even a bobble on the crossing that caused our skin issues last week. Thane's work in the store was pretty right on also. It was a bit busy in the produce department but it appeared to not be a day filled with senior citizens who couldn't get out of the way if a freight train were barreling down on them. I hate that kind of situation as there is not a lot of room in that area for us to navigate- and people would rather gaze at my dog, talk to my dog or expect me to just jump over them than move. They have just as much right to be there as us- its just we can't shop well in that situation so I was relieved when today was better.

By the time we checked out and were heading back to the max, I was really feeling it. I can't use the tilt right now so the pain that it diminishes had to just stay- added to that pain though was the pain from sitting on skin that wasn't really ready to be sat on- at least not in the position I am forced to sit in for transportation and working with Thane.

I was glad when we got the max, then the bus and then especially when our stop came up. We were almost home and I could go back to sitting screwy so my skin could get a break.

I am especially glad to have all the new produce though. I'd been without smoothies for two days and I was feeling the ramifications. Our trip there a week ago was not a full shopping. I did not realize it was going to be the last trip we took in over a week- had I realized that, I definitely would have bought more. Of course no one plans to almost get creamed by an idiot either grin

Back home- while Thane snoozed produce was sorted, meat was split up for meals to get Thane through until pay day, and a smoothie was made- AHHHHH smoothies never tasted or felt so good!

The Day From Hell

2011-05-29T14:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday started out alright other than the fact that my skin was in rash mode from the multiple reactions to treatment to heal it. I spent most the day laying on my bed shagging toys to Thane while watching JAG re-runs I had taped in years past.

Thankfully I let Thane go busy around noon though as the new neighbor across the way decided he was once again going to take advantage of our towns stupid policy for open burning. If I had known open burning was allowed here when I moved out of California- it never would have happened! ANYWAY I digressed a bit there. This guy is forever mowing, weed wacking, sawing, go-carting, or yes, burning.

Most people who burn do so for maybe 1-2 hours tops but not this guy. Every weekend he ruins one of the days (which also ruins at a minimum the following day for me) and burns for a minimum of 3 hours. Yesterday however he burned for almost 6 hours! I could not open my doors, I could not get my mail from our unsecure mailbox, I could not take Thane busy or change his potty station. We were literally imprisoned in our apartment while he destroyed the environment, air quality, and drove my irritation at him well beyond a good place.

Thane was busting to go busy at 5PM. I pulled out one of the disposable underpads that goes on patio park under his turf and tried to convince him to pee indoors NOT A CHANCE! I trained my dog too well for that one. When I laid the pad down on the floor, he went to it and laid down as if to say- ahhh a new mat huh mom? giggle

Finally I had no choice but to open the door, as every time the fire started calming down, it erupted again so he had to have kept putting more on it. Thane had to go busy. I could not cause him to have an infection just because the fire would make me sick. I put on my mask and let him out to use the dirt. I hated doing this because giardia is rampant in our area this time of year. He has had it every year which is why I trained him to the potty station in the first place. So far this year he has not had it. This was the last thing I wanted to do but I certainly could not sit with the door open letting all that smoke in here while I uncovered and re-covered his potty station. Thane was so relieved when I sent him out to potty. He peed what seemed like forever. His bladder must have been ready to burst.

When I finally was able to change patio park, I left Thane home. I knew the air would be really bad. I was not going to ask him to work in those conditions. Sometimes a service dog team has to make the right choice based on whats right for the dog even if it means the task will be much more difficult. I grabbed my cane and took out the garbage, collected my junk mail, and hurried back inside as quickly as I could. I could smell the smoke through my gas mask- not a good thing for my lungs at all. I tried to imagine how bad it must be out there if I was smelling it through a gas mask. Shudders!

I did use patio park when I took Thane out the final time around 9. He seemed to pee forever again. The smoke in here was bad but we were going to bed soon so I vinegar sprayed and off we went to the bedroom for our last play session and then bed.

This morning I had forgotten about it until I took off my mask after taking Thane busy- ARG! The clouds had come in and held all the smoke down here- it was nasty. All this to save on a trip to the dump or money to the garbage company I guess. I can't imagine that what was going on was all legal burning. I know people DO burn illegal stuff here- I just recently learned that its not for regular trash and I KNOW people do that anyway.

I hate when people who think only of themselves ruin my ability to breath easily like this. If what he has been doing lately is any idea of what the season is going to be like, I just may have to seriously start considering a move to a city that bans this. I would hate to do that as that requires living in a big city but as bad as chimney smoke is, at least its filtered where this crap is right in my backyard practically!

Anyway- back to more re-runs, play and listening to my skin that is seriously yelling at me after I took a trip to New Seasons today. Boy those smoothies are nice to have back in my diet with all the good nutrients- I was feeling so drained without them.

We Didn't Get Off So Easy

2011-05-28T03:39:00.000-07:00

I should be used to this by now. I have spent more of my life in a wheelchair than I did on my feet. I have sporadic sensation at best. I knew Thane took a really hard brunt of that very hard traffic check a week ago. I was very sore and can't stop re-playing that film in my mind- you know the kind that hits when you have had such a very close call. Thankfully it has not robbed me of sleep which my body really needs.

I have been so sore in places I did not even realize I could still feel, but that was to be expected- at least in my mind. What never dawned on me until two days after the incident is that just like Thane, my skin had bore the brunt of that experience- being thrust back like I was by Thane's movement followed by my rapid reverse on the joystick sheared my skin. I have spent the past week in my apartment only leaving it to dump the trash and get the mail- at which point I felt the pain of the required upright positioning the entire time. It figures that where my skin got sheered just happens to be one of those rare places I do have skin sensation in! ARG

So this past week, Thane and I spent our time indoors- I did a lot of laying on the bed watching old TV shows on RTV- you know ones I remember from days when I was sighted, not blind and was just HOH instead of Deaf.

I have gained a new appreciation for this *bust out of the starting block* redhead that I am partnered with- the kind of appreciation that comes when you realize their fast response time (which is much faster than most guides) is the reason why they were not instantly retired from injury or worse.

You really got to hand it to the street crews who put the safety of pedestrians first (NOT) when selecting how they run the signal lights. I tell you, this experience has made me re-think some of the crossings we have used as we try and create variety in our life. Frankly I can think of at least six that will NEVER be used again.

Some people think I am just being paranoid, but when you endure such a close call as we did and have your teamwork put on hold in such a manner because the two of you are injured in the process of your guide doing his job- well it just changes your perspective about what is and is not safe to be doing.

We have no choice about using that same signal light that this close call happened on. There just is no other way to get to point B without using this crossing. I will admit, the first time we use it and probably for sometime, I will have to work really hard at not tensing up as we do the last half of that crossing.

My skin won't be well for some time. Its not as simple as what others who are confined to chairs deal with when their skin breaks down. Being an individual with MCS (Multiple Chemical Sensitivities), each element of care is so much bigger of an issue. For years, my recourse in wound healing has been Neosporin. It was the one and only ointment I could still use- that is until now. I never would have thought I would become this allergic to the ONLY thing I could use in infection prevention. When I realized I had broken out in hives all around the skin breakdown, I knew what had seemed like an easy *heal in a week* skin problem, had other plans for me. Lets just say that this IS NOT how I planned on spending my Memorial Day weekend.

It could be worse, I know that. Thane could have been hit and I could be dealing with that. Instead I have had the time to enjoy Thane for who he is- tell him every day just how grateful I am for him being at my side and on such high alert as we encountered that danger.

Instead of worse, I spent this past week adding two supplements to Thane's regimen which are making a lot of positive changes for him. His coat is getting soft again thanks to the flax oil which he does tolerate (unlike all the other oils including fish, olive, and coconut) and his high drive, bouncing off the wall, unable to focus self that returned when Pet GO failed due to constipating effects, has been tucked back away through the use of supplemental Taurine. He is calm, rarely considers chewing on himself any more and when he does its more like that quick itch. He chooses to snooze or play alone when I am unable to play rather than nagging me all day long with his toys. Don't get me wrong, he is still my silly redhead who remains ball obsessed- he just is able to contain himself when I am not able to play or interact as well.

I don't know when both Thane and I will be completely back to normal. Presently his original harness that is designed a bit differently is meeting our needs by using the add on loops. We are only working on the complex grounds but that has to change soon as I am going stir crazy! His skin has gotten a good break from any tension across where it was sheered though which is a good thing. He sure was glad when I started letting him help me on the grounds again- and frankly, I was barely making it with the cane those couple days he could not help.

I wonder what that IDIOT would think, if he knew what pain and suffering his impatience and speed had caused us.

Fragility of Life

2011-05-21T08:19:00.000-07:00

Sadness swept over the Pawpower household yesterday when Rudy a wonderful and beautiful golden guide who was so full of life and energy passed away unexpectedly at just seven years of age. My heart and thoughts go out to them all. As an individual who has lost a service dog, I know just how hard the days, weeks, and months ahead will be- not just for his handler and wife, but for the pawpack as well. For me, it was different though. I got the chance to say my goodbyes the way I needed to. I can't imagine it any other way.

I'm going to keep this short and let this blog entry, All About Rudy, tell you just how special he was. The first part sounds like they are talking about Thane- the silly man who thinks he should plot the course.

Hard Traffic Check

2011-05-21T08:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a beautiful day here in the Pacific Northwest. In my town the temperature got to 77 degrees! It was positively gorgeous- a wonderful day for a pleasurable outing.

Thane and I got started a bit later than I had planned to. Having had to stop the Pet GO for medical reasons, Thane was working alright with a few reminders. We caught the bus to the max and hit the nature trail. It was beautiful. We truly enjoyed ourselves there. We made a quick stop at New Seasons along the route home where we encountered one of those people behind the wheel that make every guide dog handler grateful for the training their guide has. We came about as close to roadkill as we ever have in our training and partnership.

Thane did the most awesome traffic check! True to his training he assured that I was able to stop and he was able to block me without getting run over. To accomplish this however required some significant torque with the handle and harness. I could care less that it popped a joint in the handle as I always carry a spare one. The sadness to me is the result to Thane's skin while he was so busy saving my hiney from *Mr Hell on Wheels, laws don't apply today because the sun came out* Where are the cops when you need them.

I was rattled a bit. Thane's work was different too. I did not realize until we were waiting for the max that Thane's skin had been impacted by that incident. We took the transit center stop so he did not have to guide me that far for the bus. From there I leash guided on and used my cane to get off the bus. He guided me home alright but we used the shortcut path.

He will be in a different harness for a while giving his skin a chance to heal. There's a time for goofing off and a time for being serious. Behind the wheel is definitely not when its time to goof off. Thane is paying for someones error in judgment.

It could have been worse though- one of us could have been injured by the car or killed. I'm grateful for Thane's quick action.

Today we stay home allowing his skin and my nerves some well needed rest.

What Are They Thinking?

2011-05-13T19:10:00.000-07:00

Thane and I travel our tri-county area using fixed route bus and max primarily because it gives me the independence and ease of leaving the vehicles should I get flared by my MCS (multiple chemical sensitivities). By using fixed route, we can also decide to do things spur of the moment or weather dependent.

During nice weather, max can be problematic. There is no one in the cars themselves to police individuals who take it upon themselves to take their pet Fido along. Though some of these dogs are well behaved most are far from that. Pets and dogs trained solely in tasks forgetting about temperament and foundation training, makes our ease of uninterfered work and access tenuous at best. The truth is that at least three-quarters of the dogs we encounter on max are not service animals nor service animals in training. Their owners bring them on using flexi leads that they do not lock at a 6 foot or less length and at the least offence, I am hampered so that I almost miss my stop. In many situations I miss my stop and encounter owners who won't get their dogs out of our way. To say this kind of thing is old is an understatement. The bottom line is that every single one of these folks are committing fraud. The guidelines are specific that access is given to individuals with disabilities accompanied by service dogs or service dogs in training.

Trimet in their infinite wisdom is waiting on the Department of Transportation to determine if and when they will implement the new ADA changes, but regardless of this, the situations I note above still do not qualify for this access.

It gets better (read sarcasm here). Trimet once again has decided that my life is not difficult enough dealing with the untrained dogs I have to deal with anytime someone decides to take their pet for a ride. For at least the second year, Trimet has opened up the max line to those individuals with pets participating in the Doggy Dash. Now granted, Doggy Dash may be for a good cause but the truth of the matter is here that they could not police these people so they joined them. They have made it quite clear that individuals with disabilities partnered with service animals are their last concern. You would think after the toy breed dogs death on a bus a few years ago that they would get just how quickly an incident can happen.

There are guidelines for those travelling but I definitely DO NOT like them nor do I think they are defined well enough or strict enough. They must use the second car of the train. Individuals in wheelchairs can only use one car on the older trains and more times than not, you got it, it is the second car. They state nothing about them having to wait for the next train if there are service animals aboard something that I feel should be stated. They say they must be leashed but give me a break to the general public a leash is a flexi lead that the dog can easily interfere with a working dogs job. They say that either a muzzle or head halter must be used. Now do you really think everyone is going to muzzle their dog in an unpoliced max car? Give me a break already! There is minimal time as it is for the disabled to de-board when the pet dogs we encounter now are there interfering with us often making us miss our stop and Trimet is now inviting these folks to add fuel to the fire! What makes it even worse is the day its happening is the last good weather day here for at least a week maybe longer unless the forecast changes and YES we had plans that require the use of max. Now I am really debating the pros and cons here tonight for this trip.

Trimet says they must be completed with their trip by 2PM but I saw it last year and I will see it again this year, following the completion of Doggy Dash there is ALWAYS a big upswing in those taking Fido on the max for as long as they get away with it. Where are the ticket checkers policing the cars when you most need them?

I wrote to Trimet this time. After an incident that happened today on the max, I was not going to keep quiet about their lack of concern for the safety of passengers with disabilities partnered with service animals. Today Thane and I were riding max. An individual boarded with Fido on a flexi lead. I did not know it at the time. She sat in disabled seating. When it came time for us to de It was most definitely a pet. And to think that Trimet is openly inviting this sort of travel by owners of pet dogs, putting our safety at risk and as a result violating our rights as people with disabilities partnered with service animals for safe travel as we need it- not around their stupidity. They think all these pet owners are going to leave Fido at home when the Doggy Dash has concluded- think again! This is INSANE!

Who Is This Dog?

2011-05-09T13:51:00.000-07:00

Thane has been transformed! The easiest way to describe it from what I can now see in hindsite is that he was wound tight as a top before. I imagine many Border Collies are that way, but without seeing him calm in this transformation, I could not see that this was the problem plaguing us as a team- plaguing the partnership and even recently making me wonder if retirement might not be a bad thing.

The change- this calming of my lil' redhead came about over a period of three days. You see, recently, after much research on a recommended supplement, I purchased the Pet-Go multi-glandular by My Pets Friend for an addition to Thane's diet. I read a lot of great stuff on this particular manufacturer's glandulars including how it can make a prey model diet more rounded by adding the glands that one would ordinarily have available in the eating of prey in the wild. For those whose immune-systems are over-active these can be an awesome answer to relief. Here's a great piece Glandular Supplements and Glandular Therapy Though I purchased Thane's elsewhere, that short piece gave me awesome answers- especially to the quick fix to his recent histamine reaction from a supplement the eye vet prescribed.

When I received the purchase, drop-shipped from the manufacturer as they all seem to do, it was so heinously toxic to my MCS that I had to glove up, put on my gas mask, go outside and dump the contents of the supplement into a small canning jar at which point I immediately disposed of everything in the dumpster and recycling! It was horrible, but I figured I would let him have them this time and just not order again.

Of course after such a magnificent transformation, my thoughts have greatly changed about it. Now instead of not buying it again, my viewpoint is to buy it in bulk and get it during the drier weather so that I can handle all the *hassles* of re-packaging more easily thus enabling Thane to continue receiving this wonderful addition to his diet. Afterall, how could I turn my back on something that gave him so much that he was able to work so calmly, even paced for my actual needs, focused on the task at hand rather than trying to race through life like a freight train? How could I turn my back on how he walked with ease on the slippery tile floor instead of looking like he was trying to walk on ice wearing boots? How could I turn my back on a new-found patience as I rumbled around the produce department feeling all these new found pleasures before making up my mind which ones I'd like to bring home with us- all the while Thane just taking it in stride. The answer to all of this is that I can not turn my back on it- not on any of it because by giving Thane what he needs, he is much better able now to give me what I need. It only took me- ohhh 3 1/2 years to realize it. So I'm a little slow on the uptake eh? Thankfully I'm working and living with a very forgivable redhead.

More on Thane's Eyes

2011-05-07T17:43:00.000-07:00

I have made the decision to get a second opinion on Thane's eyes- probably during the summer when the weather is more predictable for longer trips.

I'm just not comfortable with an eye specialist who does not even dilate eyes to evaluate the retina for genetic diseases like PRA and existing symptoms that could point to some form of retina involvement.

I know from friends experiences with their service and guide dogs, as well as my own eye health, that early diagnosis can be the difference between saving eyesight and thus a partnership and retirement.

After further research on Niacinamide, following return of allergy and gut issues, and some severely cautious, resistant and stubborn effects in work from Thane that something more than a heavy workload for the week was at play. I did not get full disclosure of any side effects to look for, nor ingredients in the tablets they wanted him having at the minimum for three months and at the outset were wanting him taking them for life.

What I discovered (thank you Medline) was that this supplement increases the release of histamine and can be problematic for some with gastrointestinal issues. There were other things as well that just told me that this is not the answer for him. I had already decided that I was not going to pursue this further until I spoke with his regular veterinarian who is much better about thinking about his special needs.

There are other supplements that are beneficial for eye health including the reduction of cataracts and nourishment to retinal health. One of them- Taurine, I am quite familiar with, after having used it with my previous service dog in part of his regimen for seizure control. Perhaps that's why he never got cataracts that we so commonly see in our senior dogs.

Even if I were comfortable with this eye specialists care for Thane, their obvious structural ADA violation on wheelchair access is not something I am comfortable with continuing to pursue. It was difficult last year when I had a lot more vision than I now have, but even with them opening the door for us, that open edge on the porch being so close to our position for wheeling just is not worth chances. Yes, they should be made to rectify this under the ADA, but I personally do not have what it takes to work with them and the ADA to make this happen.

In the meantime, I will watch for any worsening of the symptoms I have been noting over the last 4-6 months with Thane. I will invest in a pair of doggles and train him to accept them as well. This way when his eyes are dilated, a long trip home will not be problematic for us.

One of the biggest things though that I plan on doing is to appreciate Thane more for what he does for me, realizing there may be a day when his eyes just can no longer be my eyes to the world.

Thane's Eyes

2011-05-05T15:58:00.000-07:00

Today Thane and I took our trip to the Ophthamologist. Though owner trained dogs do not qualify for the free care being offered to program dogs, its still a very important part of a guide dogs veterinary care.

When we got near the clinic, Thane began to act up some. It was frustrating. The setup is honestly quite unsafe. They have a long ramp that comes up along the side of the transformed house, but when you get to the top of the porch there is minimal leeway and no railing of any sort. Frankly it surprises me that they get away with this under the ADA. It truly is an accident waiting to happen. Thankfully when we were at that point, Thane settled just long enough to assure I safely got inside.

I will admit I was nervous and a bit hyper myself. I had forgotten my hearing aids at home which made communication that much harder also. As soon as the receptionist came to ascertain if anything changed- my address, vet in use, etc Thane jumped on her. Definitely not a good start. They have hard wood floors and he was walking on his nails as though it were ice. Why do some dogs have that problem and others do not- ughhhh

We settled down for a long wait as they were running behind schedule. Thane was excellent- laid down and stayed there unless I asked him to move or when he let me know they had come for us. Good Boy!

I was a bit miffed when the vet started to feed treats without even asking. I realized what she was doing before he got it thankfully as Thane was doing the really poised sit I do with him when I am giving *free* treats. I think its very wrong for a veterinarian to do something like that without asking first- especially with a working dog. Many dogs now have severe allergies way beyond what Thane has. I kept thinking about if she had done that to my folks dogs. I did give her a few of his own treats that he could have but still found it really unsettling that she would not ask first. I guess I need to work somehow on teaching him to only take food from me to avoid such a scenario again.

His exam went alright except he kept wanting to lay down with her like his regular vet does to examine him in a more relaxed, easy going manner- its a matter of habit and what he has come to expect rather than misbehavior though.

Thane is free of PRA which was the last genetic eye disease we were needing to clear him of. That said, there may still be visual changes going on with the retina that are not presently detectable through retinal examination based on symptoms and situations that occur that seem to point to this type of disturbance. She prescribed Niacin Vitamin B3 for him. She said this often helps dogs exhibiting his symptoms. I find it a bit odd for him to need more B3 with a raw diet but I will give it a try.

Thane's IOP (intra-ocular pressure) in his right eye has increased a bit. That is disconcerting. He is up to 15. She gets concerned at 20. He was 13 last year. His other eye, however, was 16 last year and fell to 10. His right eye is also the eye that he has been rubbing at. From what I quickly read, rubbing eyes is not considered related to glaucoma but I know when my eyes were so badly affected by the natural ammonia last fall they felt like they were ready to burst. I wanted to rub them, but doing so just made it all that much worse. I've got common sense though to stop doing what makes something worse. Grin My pressure was pretty high when that was going on, but has since come back down.

I am trying to look at all of this with optimism, but its a bit hard to do that at the moment. Give me a few days, when I've had time to digest it all and hopefully my optimism will have returned.

Saving Lives or Harming Them for the Long-Haul

2011-05-01T17:30:00.000-07:00

After my first partnership was limited at best by severe vaccinosis, I don't hesitate to speak my mind with people- especially those who are completely oblivious and believe that vets would not administer vaccines if they were not safe. My partnership with Met and even the early part of my partnership with Thane prove otherwise.

I've read countless articles, books, and anything I could get my hands on over the years as I worked on changing my own mindset about vaccines. That is that they do far more harm than good for both people and our animals. I honestly would rather lose my dog from one of the diseases that we are indoctrinated to vaccinate against rather than to have them go through a decade of torture before the vaccines finally make it impossible to rally back.

Today on a vaccine list, I read a link that had been shared for an amazing article, The Purdue Vaccination Studies and Auto-Antibodies by Catherine O'Driscoll author of the books, What Vets Don't Tell You About Vaccines and Shock to the System (both superb books and for my print disabled followers both are available on bookshare). If everyone could take this data to heart, shout it from the rooftops, stand up to vets who continue to do booster vaccines- or better yet to those who want to vaccinate their healthy puppy in the first place, life for our dogs could be so different.

My gut feeling is that after reading this article, if you aren't ready to do away with vaccines (and change your current vet if need be), then to me it feels like you are saying *First Do Harm* instead of *First Do No Harm*. I learned the hard way just how harmful vaccines can be when I watched my beautiful service dog fade away after booster vaccinations. I can't go through that again- nor will I. The lesson plan took- I learned exactly what I needed to through Chimette's journey. I hope you don't ever have to walk a journey like that.

The Box Helper

2011-04-27T17:31:00.000-07:00

Today I was working in the spare room, paring down extra boxes; collapsing the boxes for recycling as many were either musty, worn out, or I had an excessive quantity and just wanted to be rid of some of them.

This is a huge job for me- to go through anything but most especially to get large boxes out to recycling. I must have had at least five large ones and plenty more of smaller more managable sizes.

When all the sorting was through, it was time for Thane's role. He hadn't had much work this week so I knew he would be eager to help out with this task. Once dressed and boxes loaded, we headed out the door for our first trip. Sometimes when he has not had enough work, he can be a bit over-enthusiastic. Its interesting to me though that when we have a load, he is always really slow and cautious as we walk to the garbage and recycling. Today was no different as he slowly maneuvered our way towards the recycling, laid down nicely while I unloaded all the big boxes and then took me on home, with a bit more speed and pull, for the next load. After a few loads in the rain, we finished off with a rewarding game of fetch.

The little Redhead from Indiana

2011-04-27T01:35:00.000-07:00

So now that I shared who Met was- where he came from- what he became to me, its time to share about Thane. After all this blog really is his. smile

Thane is one of four puppies born to Scarlet and Finn, both red and white Border Collies out of Indiana. He spent the first nine months of his life as Shane; living with his mom and co-breeder amidst their varied pack of dogs- from toy to giant breed.

Following the passing of Met, he came to live with me in the hopes of becoming my future service dog. The trip from Indiana to Oregon, was tumultuous at best for this Indiana country boy. He had so many changes to adjust to- no longer part of a pack as the low man in it, he became the solitary dog in his new home life. From country to town where just the presence of regular traffic flow was something to be in awe of- he had a lot of adjusting to go through.

Re-named Thane- a type of noble man in the Shakespearean era, this little red and white smooth coat boy, had a long way to go before fulfilling his name.

For me, it was a huge eye opening experience to witness just how much I had at one time taught his predecessor- Thane was close to that of a blank slate. He had, for the most part, pretty awesome household manners and behavior for such a young Border Collie. What he had in manners however, he lacked in training. It was going to be up to me to either make or break him as a potential guide and service dog. Only time would tell though which way this was going to go.

At first, the most we really accomplished were the very basics of obedience training amidst the constant reminders that this little redhead was anything but my Met. He had different mannerisms, different likes and dislikes, different pluses and minuses. He was definitely NOT my dog that I so desperately missed and wanted the void of to be filled in the snap of my fingers.

At first, Thane's real role was that of keeping me busy and giving me someone- something that needed me and my care. I will admit, his early life here was anything but stress free as I wrestled with what I sorta coin *my demons* in the journey of letting go of Met and accepting him for who he was and could become to me. This was anything but an easy process.

I suffered from what is often known as *second dog syndrome*. It is that difficult condition, if you will, of relinquishing your first dog and journey with it- allowing oneself to accept, bond with, and work with the new and often times very different successor candidate. It was the letting go of the innocence one had as they trained, bonded, worked, and lost their first service dog and allowed that self to move on with the lessons of yesterday without allowing them to overshadow the joy and good in what lay ahead.

When one can come to such a *letting go* and *moving forward* in the journey of the bonding process- allowing themselves growth as a trainer and handler in the process towards a successor partnership, amazing things can and often do flourish.

I will be the first to admit that Thane is no Chimette. There may never be again in my life, that magical kind of partnership, bond and love that I had with my first special man. Thane though is very special in his own ways. He is an awesome guide dog when his energy is not busting out his seams. Living in an apartment in rain central USA does not do much for energy expenditure. I've learned to give him the long walks to stores in town or to the bus so that he can expend that energy and thus be more effective in that crucial *crowd* work we often encounter.

Most people recognize Border Collies as awesome hearing dogs, but are quite surprised by a guide dog of the same breed. Thane is an interesting specimen for sure. To date, he has turned out to be a much more responsive guide dog than he may ever be as a hearing dog for me. All of this of course came as quite a surprise to me after my previous dog was just so good at everything along the progressive path of my disabilities over our years together.

Met was very much in the game for what he could do for me. He loved his job- sometimes too much. Thane on the other hand, is very much a guide dog in that same light but when it comes to indoor tasks in his obsessive toy environment of our home life, it becomes very much one of *what can I get out of doing this task for her*. I will admit, its not necessarily the kind of work ethic one wants for a multi-disability, multi-environment needed service dog, but at this stage of the game- it works for us because of just how toy obsessed Thane happens to be. I guess in some ways that little obsession of his, is a good thing. LOL Do I wish he had a little more the ethic of his predecessor- sure, but then there is probably a lot of things that he is for me, that he just might not be.

I had said at one point following Met's passing that I never wanted to depend on a dog so much again that in their absence I could not function. Perhaps Thane's gift to me is just that- making me keep my promise to myself that he would never become the *only* functional tool I could live my life by.

For now, I am just grateful for those wonderful people in Indiana who had the ability in their hearts to let go of the little redhead they had raised for the first nine months of his life. For without them and their generosity, my life today would be a very different one. Thane truly was and is a gift- one I hope I never become so accustomed to that I take advantage of what he does for me.

Through a Guide's Eyes-- Literally

2011-04-25T11:51:00.000-07:00

Recently I have been getting some nagging in my gut-- this is the kind no guide dog user wants to acknowledge. The kind that you feel like if you ignore it, it will go away. Unfortunately it is not going away-- not from my gut, and not from life either.

Thane is due for his re-check at the eye vet. He is four years old and as such, this is the time when she can either clear him of the last genetic eye disease to impact his breed, or acknowledge its presence.

I am trying to tell myself that the nag in my gut is just nervous energy about the unknown in our life right now, but reality is that something is different. Different than it was during the winter rains. Different than it was last spring, summer, or fall. If this *different* was only noticeable outdoors as we walked our communities streets that are beginning to come out of hibernation-- coming alive again, I'd completely chock it up to a focus issue due to that new life.

That is not the case though. It happens at home when he is doing things. Sometimes he can't see a toy that is right in front of him but in a shadowy or darkened location. Sometimes I will throw the ball and he has no idea whatsoever that its been thrown-- checks me out for where I hid it. Sometimes he runs so hard into walls, that I am surprised he was not knocked out. Of course this latter he has done a bit all of our life together, but the frequency and severity has increased almost ten fold over the past couple of months.

Granted, Thane is an intense Border Collie when it comes to his toys-- especially his balls. This all said, as a guide dog at my side who I trust in implicitly, I can not ignore my gut nor the little subtleties that placed that *nag* in it in the first place. To do so would be to say that neither my nor his safety out there matters. It would be putting the desire to keep working with him as my partner above his well being. I can not, nor will I stoop to such a level.

The testing for other service animal teams will be free in May. The program though is still not willing to look at ways in which an owner trained team can be proven as legit. As a result, for Thane it is not a benefit we can take advantage of. I had someone tell me that if it were their situation, they would not do it unless the benefit was provided to them. I was appalled! Here, my guide dog could very well have something going on. No, it may not be his eyes, but then it very much might be. As a friend to someone who had a service dog lose an eye to glaucoma, I know the importance of early diagnosis and intervention.

With my previous service dog Chimette, I was naive. I had no idea we had the ability to just take him to an eye vet and be sure his eyes were healthy enough for him to be my guide. When I questioned my now former vet about his eyesight, his response was that I would know when he could not see! PARDON ME! He knew that Met was working as my guide and yet, he acted so callously when HE KNEW that there was an eye vet in our county. I will never act so naively when it comes to Thane's eyes.

It is my responsibility to see that Thane gets all the testing and/ or care that he needs. I would not hesitate to have testing done if he presented with diarrhea, so why would I do that when he is presenting with symptoms that could have to do with the health of his eyes.

If this is eye disease related, finding out now could be the difference between treatment that saves his sight and our partnership and that of retirement because I waited too long and there is nothing that could be done.

I accept right now that this could very easily be a focus, change in lighting with the arrival of spring, even issues with thyroid balance amongst any number of things to be considered including tick borne diseases since there are nine months of his life that I personally was not a part of.

I'm trying not to worry-- live our life as carefully as we can, but not be so careful as to induce anxiety in my *soft* guide dog. In ten days, I will know one way or the other about his eyes. For now, the other will remain as unknowns until we eliminate this first possibility.

In my heart, I want to hope there is a focus and time of year reasoning for it all. Here's to hoping that what my heart wants is the reality!

Chimette: The Special Man at My Side 1997 - 2007

2011-04-22T15:15:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine at the Doghouse-- let the fur fly! blog began something interesting- telling about each of the dogs in their home. I really liked that and thought I would write about my boys. This entry is about Chimette.

After problems with getting a service dog from a program (that's a topic for another entry) and being discriminated against due to disability at the county kill shelter when I tried to adopt a Border Collie mix (more mix than Border Collie), I found myself at an all breed rescue.

A wonderful teacher had recommended them to me. I did not want to be disappointed another time-- you know finding that perfect dog and being told they felt you could only care for a toy breed dog of certain disposition-- ie the couch potato dog. I was told they were a fair organization who truly wanted to find good homes for the animals in their care. I still felt I had to be sure. I called the rescue and explained the situation. I shared how I had my heart set on a Border Collie. Yes, for my first dog! LOL Yeah I was a bit on the naive side to say the least. In all fairness we did have dogs in our life as I grew up, including a Border Collie mix.

The rescue had a Border Collie mix. Was I interested? or Did I want a purebred Border Collie? Was I interested- Oh man alive I was! The animals were fostered in homes and came to the adoption site Saturday mornings and Wednesday nights. I could hardly wait until Saturday came around. When I got there, I found this six month old tri-color boy huddled in the back of the huge wire crate he was in-- ignoring everyone and everyone ignoring him. His card said his name was Archie. He was fully vaccinated, wormed, neutered, and ready for obedience training.

I still think of that song *How Much is That Doggy in the Window* when I think about him. I sat there talking to him for hours. I just could not pull myself away. There were other more suitable dogs including one with full obedience, but there were many reasons why I did not want her. There was one problem with this little BC boy (I'd learn of many more). Our lease required all dogs to be one year old and no more than thirty pounds at full growth. I quite obviously had a problem with him being cross-bred with a GSD. No one there could estimate how big he would get, but if his paws were any indication LOL

Alt Text: Chimette at 6 months showing huge paws

One of the hardest things I did was to leave him behind in that kennel; behind for someone else to fall in love with or for him to return to his foster home.

The next couple of days I could not stand it. I talked with management and was given the green light. I called the rescue where I learned they still had him. I had to wait two more days to bring him home.During that time I stocked my home with as many essentials as I could-- a new crate, toys, bowls, and IAMS dog food. I gag at the very thought of what I did to his poor body with that crap in a bag they called food. I tried to contain my excitement at the prospect that lay ahead for me-- my very first dog who may one day be my ears to the world.

Wednesday night came quickly. A friend and I boarded the bus to go bring my baby boy home. I had no idea what I was getting into really. I knew nothing about dog temperament. I saw Border Collie and I wanted him. This rather reminds me of impulse buying, but only because I was very naive and possibly impatient as well. After all I had already waited eight years on a program that had promised me a Border Collie.

We arrived early so we could see the staff arriving with the dogs that were available. When they opened the doors, we got to his kennel first. While my friend removed his card and went to find some help. I again found myself at his kennel talking to him. He seemed to remember me as he moved a bit forward in the kennel this time.

When the adoption process was complete and he realized he was leaving his foster mom, he tried to jump the table back to her. This was not a good start now was it? giggle Once on my lap, it was the beginning of a journey into the unknown- a journey filled with hope, promise, trepidation, trials, triumphs, and a love between a gal and her dog that was capable of surmounting any hurdle- well almost.

At first, Archie- renamed Chimette AKA Met, seemed to be suffering from lack of socialization. He was timid of men especially and had to learn about everything. He would not go busy in his yard for close to a year- and during a year of floods, I was not too amused by having to walk him when he had a perfectly good yard to use. I did it though and we endured.

Though we experienced a tumultuous time over the years we were together from vaccinosis, he never wavered in his role at my side. He lived for the job of taking care of me-- perhaps, in hindsight, a little too much. For ten years we were together-- either in training or service. He was truly the *very best* of the best IMO when it came to his ability to fulfil all of my needs- from hearing to vision to mobility to medical alert needs-- if I had the need, we figured a way (or he did) to assure a resolution.

In a way, having a dog like Met for one's first service dog, rather raises the bar a bit too high. When Met stepped out of harness and then out of life as well, he left what seemed impossible pawprints to be filled.

If you've read this far and are interested in more about our journey and life together, take a hop over to Pawsitively-K9 where you can read more about our journey (including life with vaccinosis) and the beginning of his successor Thane's as well.

Peaceful Haven

2011-04-13T14:24:00.000-07:00

The other night I had this most remarkable dream- you know the kind; the ones that you wish weren't just dreams when you awoke to life as it is in the morning.

In my dream, I lived in this remarkable place. It was a beautiful MCS safe home with a one floor layout plan. There were no carpets, no toxic press board drawers, cupboards, or shelves. All of these were either glass or stainless steel. There was beautiful flooring double sealed with a safe sealer I did not react to. All the wall corners had these awesome stainless corner guards. Door ways were so wide that the doors had to be custom made but they allowed for ease of entrance and even allowed me to enter my home with my guide dog in harness.

The property was huge- I mean I could train my dogs LLW and harness work by merely walking around the grounds various routes this way and that on the sidewalk pathways. Instead of real grass which takes a lot of maintenance and I am highly sensitive to, much of the grounds were covered in artificial turf of high quality. There was a wonderful area for agility and other dog sports as well as courts for staff to play raquet sports, basketball, and a full track. There were five additional cottage apartments detached from each other with ample separate fenced yard areas for care workers and groundskeepers at a distance from the main house.

My home had three washers and dryers- one set in a separate wing that could be used exclusively for toxic clothing, new item de-toxification and the like. This wing also had a separate entrance from the main entrance so that toxic items could be taken in this way before entering the main home. There was even an additional fully equipped accessible shower for bathing before entrance into the main home. Though it had a separate entrance, there was an airlock set up that allowed for entrance into the main house once toxicity had been handled.

The pantry was so huge, we could probably have done agility courses in there. The entire place was set up with central de-humidification and air purification- despite it being in a much drier climate than this rain central USA climate we now live in.

This awesome home was located in a remote area with mountain and ocean fresh air. There were wide sidewalk pathways that went right down to the private beach and waters edge so that I could enjoy this as much as any ambulatory person can.

Thane was with me of course, but slowing into retirement at the age of twelve. He had held up well over the years, but it was his time to change focus; helping me to raise the new kids on the block.

And before I forget, this wonderful land and home came with a van service and drivers as well. All staff were MCS savvy and non-toxic to me- their sole jobs were right there in that peaceful haven.Though they rotated shifts and could take vacations from there, no one ever did- who would want to leave such beauty?

Why did I have to wake up?!

The Comical Side of Thane

2011-04-08T14:56:00.000-07:00

Thane is on a raw diet. I feed him in his crate each morning. He receives Nupro Supplement (yeast free form) in a small bowl. It mixes up with water as a gravy which he laps up readily. Lately I have been giving him Tripett as well which makes the Nupro all that much more appealing to him.

This morning was no different than any other morning really. I gave Thane his probi. I made up his Nupro gravy and put the tripett in the bowl with it. I then grabbed his roast and headed to his crate with Thane dancing excitedly awaiting the wonderful morsels of Tripett.

Once the finish was just about licked off the bowl, he promptly sat down as if to tell me he was done. I told him to eat his roast. He acted as if he was thinking very hard about something for a moment. A couple minutes later, he again sat down claiming to be done. During those couple moments, he had picked up his bowl and sat it on top of his roast- All done mom!

It reminded me of those childhood years of scattering things around on the plate or hiding them in the napkin so as to not eat them. It was just too funny. After I rolled away to do morning chores, he did eat his roast with no further antics.

This will be a memory I won't readily forget-- my four year old acting just like I would have at four, five, six years of age.

Access for Some

2011-04-07T13:59:00.000-07:00

Service Dog owners more times than not, are people of limited means. Its the crux of life with disability. Some are able to get from under that and work lucrative jobs, but certainly not most. This is where programs that assist in costs of service dog care are so awesome.

Take for instance IAADP (International Association of assistance Dog Partners) This program works tirelessly to obtain resources for us- benefits from companies who care about our service dogs enough to provide their products free of charge or at a significant reduction of cost. During my tenure with Met, we benefitted greatly from some of these benefits- Veterinary Care Grants, Cosequin, boots from Ruffwear.These companies did not concern themselves with whether a team was from a national program with ADI qualifications, whether they were trained privately, or even whether they were owner trained.

Many years ago while I was still in California, the Assistance Dog Special Allowance discriminated against owner trained teams. Rather than providing you with the funds for your service dog, you were provided with a list of programs that qualified one to be recognized as a program trained dog that one could receive the benefits for. It was not right, but what could one do? Sue! And that is just what someone did. When the judgment came down, all the previously denied teams received an application. Many states have their own versions of the program in California, but unfortunately in Oregon it requires a person also be receiving careworker services- something that is prohibitive for me with my profound MCS and that would cost the state thousands of more dollars every year. Now if I received SSI rather than SSDI then I would qualify outright just because I have a service animal.

Presently there is a program once more playing favorites- providing access for some, but certainly not all. ACVO and Merial Service Animal Eye Exam provides free eye exams for those from Nationally recognized programs. Service animals for the disabled from around the USA are one of the beneficiaries of this program. Others include Police Dogs, Search and Rescue and Therapy Dogs. Its a wonderful program if you don't happen to be partnered with an owner trained dog.

The claim of the program as to why they have this closed-minded approach is that they were defrauded by individuals who claimed pets to be service animals. I find it rather interesting since I tried to register the very first year and was not allowed to. Registration happens a month prior to any actual service being rendered so how they can claim they were defrauded is beyond me.

As a circumvent around this, some with owner trained service animals have chosen to have their dogs registered with a national therapy dog group instead of banding together to help the organization running the program come up with a better way in which owner trained teams can be given the same and equal access as teams stemming from dogs trained by national organizations. If the organization realized just how much they are being defrauded under the category of therapy dogs by owner trained service animal teams, those too would most likely be eliminated from the program.

I don't dispute that fraud happens. Oregon has some of the most prolific service animal fraud in the nation with people claiming their pooch in their purse or their pet on lead does this, that, or the other thing. What I do have a problem with, however, is having a program that is supposed to assist service animal handlers in better providing the care their dogs need and not having any means in which a bona fide owner trained team can prove their dogs training. This has nothing to do with certification of service animals- a concept I am completely against. This has to do with being able to prove ones dog is what they say it is for the purposes of a program that team can benefit from. Ways for this to happen might include training logs, relying upon the vets in the program to recognize when an animal really isn't what the person says it is, or even allowing organizations such as IAADP to be participants in the program- something they presently will not allow for.

Some individuals in the service animal world, think those who owner train should essentially shut up and be grateful the program exists. Of course these people have a service animal from a nationally recognized program so they receive the benefit or they have the means to easily get such care for their service animals without even thinking about it. They can't see it from our perspectives because simply they don't walk in our shoes.

I have had to fight hard for every program, every benefit I get with my owner trained service animals. I get many of these benefits and assistance because I know how to fight the bureaucracy or because I get connected with the right individuals who help me do so. Some days I just wonder though if there ever will be *Access for All* (as the ADA calls for) in the same ease as there is this access for those with service animals from nationally recognized programs.

Christie Keith on Border Collies

2011-03-31T18:47:00.000-07:00

I just had to share this awesome article that Christie Keith wrote as a columnist for the SF Gate. It says everything I have been trying to convey here about the versatility of the breed, but in a much better way!

For those who do not know Christie Keith, she writes for Pet Connection blog, Your Whole Pet for the SF Gate, at one point was the list owner of the Beyond Vaccination list on yahoogroups, and has a lot of awesome common sense when it comes to our dogs health needs as seen on her website.

Hope you all enjoy the article, The Smartest Dogs in the World as much as I did.

Its All About Speed

2011-03-30T09:30:00.000-07:00

I've always thought that Thane had just one speed- well two if you count when he is laying down or sleeping. As I trained him, his pull in harness could at times be downright painful to me. I never equated Thane's actions with that of myself, other than the later revelations of the emotions going down the leash (see What I Feel, He Reveals)

Thane's guiding in the community for long walks, often led to his panting or outright overheating depending on the time of year and temperature. I'd brought this up with the veterinarian before, but like myself, she felt it was about the breed that goes all out or nothing at all. Most dogs, as she explained it, will slow down when they are warm, but not my little redhead, or is that really the case? I mean afterall, isn't it true that he can only slow down if I do?

During a bad pain spell recently, I just needed to move really slowly to avoid any hard thumps on my spine as I went over uneven sidewalk. I was both surprised and grateful with how slow, but still confident Thane was in guiding me. I did not think a whole lot of it, other than maybe my slower speech due to pain level was giving him the right feel through the leash to do just as he was- guide slowly and more cautiously (in a good way).

After this had passed, however, I reverted back to my speed demon way of life and as if I had put it on cue, Thane's pull in harness increased. It was not anything outlandish or painful, but it was notably different. We were essentially little maniacs. By the time our walk was only half complete, he was in *pant mode* on a day when I had my hoods all fastened up around me and fingers going numb from the cold.

As I was sitting inside thinking about our work after our walk and errand were complete, I began to wonder about speed- you know that concept that every action has an equal reaction or something along those lines. I got thinking of this sort of concept more in reaction to the speed at which he climbs the bus ramp- the fact that I always forget to dial down my speed after our good walk to the bus before flying aboard- just kidding, but we do board with more speed when I forget this little (or should I say big) detail.

Interestingly though, when I kept the speed at indoor level rather than our speedster pace on our complex grounds, Thane also slowed down and walked at that more appropriate gait and pull in harness. It felt like such a huge revelation- one I could not believe it took me over three years of training and working with this guy to come to.

It took some adjustment for both Thane and I today as we took off for our walk and errand at a slower speed. At one point I realized that there is slower and there is too slow. I sped it up a bit and things went smoothly. His pull in harness was absolutely perfect for about ninety-seven percent of our time out. I was really proud of him; of us. I will admit, I miss the speed and it may have its time or place still, but today I just feel happy that we worked so well together- and all it took was turning the speed dial down a bit. It will be an adjustment for sure on both of our parts as we learn to put speed behind us and work at a more casual pace.

It will be neat to see how a slower speed impacts his issues with overheating as the temps warm up (if they warm up). It will also be cool to see just how much more enjoyment and precision we might get out of our morning walks. Of course I am also working with a dog whose always in a hurry to get to wherever it is we are headed. This could turn into quite an interesting experiment- the two of us learning that we don't have to leave the world in the dust of my wheels.

Chimette's Story: When Vaccines Go Haywire

2011-03-29T11:12:00.000-07:00

Life could not have been more perfect. It was the spring of 1998 and just as plants were blossoming with the new season so was my teamwork with my first service dog, Chimette. Our partnership, further training, and work were all coming in sinc. The more exposure to the community, college life, shopping, time with friends that Met experienced, the better he was able to make quick decisions that made my life safer as I traveled independently in my community. I was coming alive; feeling that I could do anything I set my mind to all thanks to the love, skill, and devotion of my gentle boy.

After a veterinary checkup filled with more vaccinations than I was comfortable with having administered all at once, I was left watching my service dog slip away from me. He became afraid of everything- any sudden movement, anything that loomed over his height, he withdrew from touch, he no longer could handle all the unpredictability of service dog life. I imagine now the experience was not so different from what a parent sees as their child slips into autism. One difference being that I had come to rely upon Met for so much.

Though, I came to realize that Mets falling apart before my eyes seemed so much like the young dog he was after I adopted him, at this point I did not make the connection yet to the fact that the very vaccines I wanted to wait on were responsible for Met's collapse and our lost partnership, temporary as it was. Of course while presented with it, I had no idea whether or not the problems we were encountering would be temporary or permanent. The vets were no help in any of the process- not with a cause, and certainly not with elimination of the problem or rehabilitative techniques to work with. It was up to me to help Met if I could.

I took an incomplete in my coursework and began the long arduous process of working through the myriad of symptoms and difficulties that presented themselves for us. From shadows, to statues, to trees, to kids on bicycles, skates, and skateboards. At times he literally crab walked if he had to go near statues or trees. It was quite sad to see a dog who loved to raise his leg to a big tree, literally crumble at their presence. I knew I probably had seen the end of our partnership at least where public access was concerned. All that remained was seeing just how much I could rehabilitate him. I never considered, however, the possibility that this could just be the way he was going to be. He had some of these problems to a lesser degree when I adopted him (thought to be from lack of socialization), so I believed that we could conquer whatever *this* was. If he came out of it once, then just maybe twice could happen as well.

Over the next few months, life slowly returned to normal. With the help of a clicker (before I even was aware of clicker training), I re-conditioned Met to the various obstacles in our life- things that exposure could not be prevented unless he stayed in seclusion within our apartment for the rest of his life. I gave him consistency and built his exposures to the intolerables- changing them into normal common occurrences he accepted once more. I will admit that there were times that I got exasperated, pushed too much too fast, and probably as a result slowed the rehabilitative path. No one would have known that we had encountered such a devastating blow to our partnership after these few months were behind us. Met was not only working much more effectively in our home environment, but his skill level in the community, shopping and walks on the college campus, had become more on target and focused.

After this experience, I opted to work with another veterinarian in the practice. He was more down to earth and listened to his clients. We had seen him enough to know that he was caring not just for the animals but that in our situation as a service dog team, he would understand about how changes in Met could very well have an impact on my functionality as well. Its just too bad that he was not the vet we saw that spring day when Met had his annual exam. Five months after Mets *meltdown* though having him in our corner was one of the best things going for us when the seizures began.

It happened out of the blue- there was no noticeable pre-ictal phase. One moment Met and I were sitting in our bedroom and the next moment he had been catapulted skyward, his body thrust up and down like a kangaroo- muscles so rigid and limbs contorted. It felt like I was in the midst of a nightmare. Nothing this horrible could really be taking place- and yet it was. The first time it happened I was quite literally in denial. I gathered him up on my lap nonetheless and had a good cry. This was the worst possible thing I could have done for him though. As I'd learn later, acting as normal as possible once the seizure passes is as important (if not more so) with canine seizures as it is with people. I was scared though. I was scared of what would become of Met. I was scared of dealing with my disabilities without his assistance as I lived my life in the community.

Many dogs have very mild problems once all the tests are in and meds and triggers handled properly. For a service dog though, this usually spells out retirement. A retirement neither I nor Met was ready for. But I had that great vet in my corner- a vet who believed in both of us and our partnership. Now it was just a matter of determining if we could be one of those teams that made it. Could we gain the control of Mets seizures that would be necessary for him to safely carry out his job? or would he be one of many service dogs whose job ends as a result of a myriad of diseases, including seizure disorders?

To most in the service dog community, the answer would be clear- the mere thought of working with a dog that had even the slightest thing out of balance would be unconceivable. This is far from a little thing if control is not easily achieved though. I could go through the entire process here of how we found a proper diagnosis for Met, but that is something best left for a book. Through his history, his triggers, even his issues with various fillers and drugs it became all to clear that Met had vaccinosis a topic covered with wonderful skill, personal experience, and support in the books What Vets Don't Tell you About Vaccines and Shock to the System. Vaccinosis is more understood and accepted today in 2011, but in 1998 the only hope for those afflicted was avoidance of triggers and homeopathy. Its sad to me that what was misconstrued at adoption to be a lack of socialization, the meltdown in the spring following his vaccinations, and now seizures- after months of virus replication in his system from the vaccines might all have been avoided had his system not been overloaded in the first place.

In hindsite the answer seems easy in regards to his service dog status- retirement. I did not have the luxury of looking at things from a hindsite perspective though. With a, then slower paced lifestyle, I chose to try and gain control not knowing at the time that the cause was vaccinosis. I worked closely with my vet during the early medication adjustment months. Though occasional break throughs happened, they tended to happen at home. Through the help of the K9epilepsy group and Beyond Vaccination on yahoogroups, as well as EPIL-K9 I was able to discover many helps, answers to my questions, and a release for the anxiety I had been keeping pent up inside of me. As a result of the control we were able to achieve, we continued our partnership. By then I had a sedentery lifestyle so retirement was not a necessity for us. Met and I worked together close to another 9 years after that. It wasn't always filled with perfect control, but it was a wonderful decade of love, lessons learned and taught, and eventually of letting go.

What I Feel, He Reveals

2011-03-29T10:40:00.000-07:00

If there's anything I appreciate about my Border Collie boys, it is that they have made me a better trainer and handler because of who they are/ were by making me aware of my own state of mind, stress level, and tension.

Throughout the service dog community forums, one topic that comes up frequently is how our emotions travel down the leash to our dogs. In my opinion, this effect can't be seen better in any other breed than the Border Collie.

Many dogs let changes in their handlers dispositions or emotions just roll right off of them- be it tension, illness, emotional variations from sad to angry; elated to calm. This however isn't the case of every dog partnered with a disabled handler. Our service dogs vary from soft to hard in both methods of training and how they handle the events of life. These events include the emotions, we as trainers and handlers, send down the lead- often times things we are totally unaware of unless our dogs tension and relaxation status in harness fluctuates from one day to the next- or even from one moment to another in extreme situations.

Both of my boys have been soft dogs. Though in most situations I can without a doubt say that Met was the softer of the two, there are circumstances where this is so *not the case*. Those circumstances revolve around what I am sending down the lead to Thane.

In our first year together, life was anything but smooth or stress free. First, I was grieving the loss of a decade long partnership with the most awesome service dog. Second, I was learning to adapt to my progressive disabilities without Met's assistance. Finally, I was trying to get to know this new kid on the block who was definitely *NOT* Met. One can only imagine the emotions that I was giving off as I tried to figuratively put one foot in front of the other while trying to teach this bouncy, energetic, nine month old country transplant that a leash and walking on it loosely was a concept he *MUST* get *YESTERDAY*. I was anything but calm and collected and it showed in him.

Those early months are a blurr quite honestly. We somehow got through those nightmarish times of training Thane to go busy on lead, LLW, direction training for guide work, and were able to move onto harness work. I continued to set our partnership back, however, through my roller coaster grief, expectations, and tensed up leash communications at best. Though I would not have wanted to be going it alone dogless, I know (thanks to hindsite) that I shared way too much negative energy down the lead in our process to become a team.

I would work with Thane one day and have a positively awesome experience. He would be pulling into harness at a perfect tension for my needs; walking and guiding smoothly as we went along. It would seem we had finally arrived. We might have this kind of experience for a day or two or if we were really lucky, a week. Then with no reason at all, or so it seemed, we would be ten paces back. It would be a struggle to walk one block at a comfortable harness tension. I was quite honestly baffled at the changes in Thane. I just could not get my head around these bizarre differences. It was like there were two versions of him and I never knew each day as we rolled out the front door which version of him I would be working with.

I was scanning two books for Bookshare at the time. Canine Adventures, Fun Things to Do with Your Dog, and Shock to the System. Both of these books had areas devoted to stress. Shock to the System especially had me questioning my own status, not just Thanes. When we would have a rough patch of training or work, I began to check in with myself. What I mean by this is that I would do a check on just how I was feeling and especially reacting- physically, emotionally, stress-wise. What I discovered more times than not, when Thane was *off-kilter* as I began calling these high strung times, it was directly linked to some aspect of my own being.

Though it has not always been easy for me to let things roll off my back, for our partnership, I strove to learn how to do just that. In this process, I have become a better trainer and handler by quite literally seeing what I was feeling. Thane has essentually been a guide through more than just my blindness. He has taught me how to be healthier by letting the things go that just are not important enough to hold onto. He has, in his simple Border Collie way, set me free from myself, allowing us to have a partnership where I see a reflection of myself revealed in red and white.

Going Against the Grain

2011-03-27T09:05:00.000-07:00

I work with and love the Border Collie breed. When I trained my first service dog Chimette, a Border Collie Shepherd cross who looked and acted very much Border Collie, I focused initially on training him to be my ears in the world. As a result, no one thought twice or made any comment whatsoever along the lines of whether or not he was the right breed for the job. As my disabilities progressed, Chimette was trained as a guide dog, hearing dog, medical alert dog, and mobility service dog. No one over all the years we were training or partnered together made so much as a comment about his fitness for the job at hand based upon his breed- perhaps because he was first a hearing dog.

When Chimette passed away though, things were very different for me. I had a host of disabilities to adapt to and the need to prioritize where to focus my training first when Thane came into my life. Though we dabbled in hearing dog training during those first winter months together that kept us from doing a lot of training in the community, the first focus of training was to mold Thane into my guide dog. Thane is a purebred Border Collie from strong herding lineage. In my pursuit of guide dog training and the partnership that has followed, I encountered so many mystified people. People were often surprised that I was going against his natural instincts to mold him into my future guide. It was more rare to encounter people who were not surprised by this decision of mine than to encounter those who were. Some of these folks, like his Ophthalmologist, were just downright curious while others just had to voice their opinions about how insensitive I was being to Thane by asking him to curtail his natural instincts. Not so fast! Thane's natural instincts are part of what makes him the perfect candidate for the job.

As a deafblind individual my dogs training is dramatically different than that of a guide dog trained for a blind individual with normal hearing. I allow my guides a certain amount of leniency in focus. I do this by encouraging their awareness of important things with praise, while simply ignoring or using our leave it command for things that are unnecessary alerts. The crux is that they need to not only safely guide me around obstacles and through traffic, but they need to share with me the important things going on around us wherever we may be. I want to know, for instance, if someone is walking close behind us or if kids are playing on the sidewalk ahead so we can alter our pace, take another route, or change our direction entirely for safety reasons. I want to know when emergency vehicles are coming so that I don't get caught crossing a street when they are in route to an emergency. Though all of this training does not happen initially, praising for his alertness to important cues can be the difference between safe travels as a team and injury or becoming the victim of a predator. Chimette saved me from a stalker who actually turned around and raped another person. Where would I have been then if all I had asked of my dog was to guide me around obstacles, but ignored my deafness in his training? I positively love my dogs alertness to his environment. Breed appropriateness for the task at hand is all in ones perspective.

Third ADBC Coming Soon

2011-03-19T19:08:00.000-07:00

The Third Assistance Dog Blog Carnival is coming. I started this blog in part so I could participate in these blog carnivals.

For those who are unaware of the ADBC, it was created by my very good friend Sharon at After Gadget. We've gone through a lot of ups and downs over the years from our disabilities and losses, but I am grateful to say we have each other.

Anyway- If you are reading this, and curiosity has come over you check out About the Assistance Dog Blog Carnival

This next carnival is on Reactions. For more information on this carnival take a look at the hosts blog here

There are so many things I could write about along this topic that I'm not really sure where to begin. A part of me wants to stick with my partnership with Thane in writing this- let bygones be bygones as they say. Another part however wants to be a little bit courageous; not be concerned what those in the Assistance Dog community might say when they hear how *defective* Met was as he continued to work a job that we all knew he would pretty much die the day it was over. Do I be the courageous one laying the groundwork for a book yet to come, or do I focus on another area that has turned me into not only a better trainer, but a better handler of this BC at my side.

I dont have much time to start putting pen to paper so to speak, so I'm right back on the last topic of the ADBC, that of *Decisions* grin

From Guide-Service Dog to Hearing Dog

2011-03-13T14:10:00.000-07:00

Thane and I have entered one more phase of training together. For the past month, we have been working on *in the home* hearing alert training. Though its much easier to train a dog for sound work when they first enter a new home, as an individual with multiple disabilities, I had to prioritize his training as I worked through my grief and periods of comparing him to Met. Most of his society and public access alert training is complete or quite on its way so that I can function quite well with him at my side. Home life though is another story.

Here we are now as a team, training Thane to alert to sounds that he has ignored for over three years. I had been warned that this would not be the easiest way to go about things and yup the warning was right on target. For cooking and laundry timing alerts, I have been able to introduce a new sound of a tactile timer. This is an item I have never used without Thane alerting and thus, its gone fairly smoothly.

The door however is another story altogether. This will take a lot of time and patience in working with him. I have already caught myself moving too quickly so that I have to wait long durations for him to come away from the door to where I am sitting. The key of course is that I moved way too fast- saw progress at the earlier step and thus moved on too rapidly for his ability to grasp the concept- especially in real life non-training situations.

Though I knew in my head that this would take extra time to condition Thane to, I got discouraged by the lack of progress even to the point of wondering if he would make a good hearing dog or not. The key when this occurs for me is to take a break. Enjoy Thane for who he is and what he does to make my life better. Then after a few days off, step back into the training at the stage that Thane can do with accuracy. More often than not, this break and step back actually accelerates his comprehension and the pace of our training picks up again. This is where we are at presently, but my mindset is back at the place where I believe in us, in our bond, and in our ability to accomplish the task at hand.

It takes much more patience and dedication for an owner trainer with multiple disabilities such as myself, to train their dog for all their needs. One of the best things I did however once Thane was working well as my guide dog was to accept that he may not ever perform every skill that Met did for me. I accepted that there may be gaps that I would need to find other methods for fulfilling. By doing this, I brought a sense of relaxation to our training as well as less expectation for the speed at which Thane learned anything new. There was a discussion recently on this topic on one of the lists I participate on which actually has inspired some of my thoughts here today. Had I expected Thane to be able to take on and learn everything with gusto the first year in my life, he would have turned into a nutcase. No dog is capable of taking so much on all at once.

The key is to have the patience to train gradually as you bond and blossom as a team together over the years together. I will admit, it has not been easy relying on other modes of assistance over the years to get to the place where we are as a team today. That all said, I am glad to have gone through this in the manner I have with Thane. He has taught me great lessons of love, patience, and perseverance as I embarked on life with my first successor dog. He let me be my crazy self dealing with second dog syndrome which seemed to last an eternity.

Today, I don't think of myself with my first service dog- my tricolor Border Collie Shepherd at my side. I think of myself with my beautiful successor dog- my red and white Border Collie boy whose focus is usually just perfect for a deafblind gal traversing her world independently. He probably would have been retired as a guide for someone who was just blind, but for me- he is perfection!

Trimet Max Continues to Shock Guide Dogs

2011-02-28T14:46:00.000-08:00

Many guide and service dog teams frequent the tri-county area we live in by reliance upon fixed route bus and max trains. This ability to travel independently gives us freedom to go where we want, when we want, with little concern of safety issues associated with our highly trained dogs at our side. Thats the atmosphere one seems to experience for the most part, however, its not necessarily a true picture from our dogs perspectives.

From as far back as 2000, Guide teams have noted their dogs being shocked when disembarking trains on the westside of the Blue Line. These events seem to happen more frequently during arctic or excessive humidity times. Though claims are often made that the problem is fixed, teams continue to be plagued by the shocks. Various feedback includes putting boots on dogs which can't be done in icey conditions without your dog constantly doing the four way splits, making sure your dog does not walk on rails (now how in the world can you cross the tracks without doing that one?) and the one I laugh the hardest at- don't exit the trains through the doors that have ramps at them - deployed or not, they have a higher incidence of shocking the dogs! It seems to me that something crucial has been missed in the design, track laying, electronics or something in the west side stops- otherwise this problem would be plaguing the east side of the blue line, as well as the red, yellow, and green lines. Tri-met has blamed the electric company before so its possible its not so much about the max trains and rails but the currents. There've been lots of news and blog pieces over the past ten or eleven years detailing the mechanics of how this occurs, but I'm not going to focus on any more of that. I think its important to look at it not from the human and mechanical perspective (or the errors in construction if thats where they lie) but from the perspective of these specially trained guide and service dogs.

Try and put yourselves in the mind of a guide dog. Your waiting in harness with your handler at the door entrance for the train doors to open when the doors do open you receive a hefty jolt. You yelp and lunge forward. For a trained guide or service dog, this kind of action could lead to an accident for your handler. You are a highly trained dog and you do your very best with the stresses of everyday life- big rigs, forklifts, pestering children, teenagers who don't know how to walk a straight course, skateboards, out of control yapping dogs, but to be shocked for doing your job is a stress that many wonderful working teams are traumatiized by which should NEVER happen.

The result of being shocked just one time can have negative consequences on the work performed. At the very least, rushing the max entrances and exits will be a problem from such a negative experience. Outright refusal to board a max train at all can happen. Both of these may be temporary problems, or they may turn out to end a wonderful partnership- shortening a long career for one of these highly trained dogs that become a disabled persons eyes, ears, hands, feet, medical alerts.

Depending upon the training method used by the program or owner trainer, there can be differences in how the future unfolds for some dogs.Coercive, corrective, negative stimuli to stop unwanted behavior- such a shock could be considered by dogs trained in this manner to mean you don't pass that path. Can you see where this is going? If you can't pass a doors entrance you certainly can't go about your days routine. For those trained with OC methods- positive reinforcement, non-punishment or corrective measures, this kind of experience can be quite surprising at the best, but can also be difficult to convince them that the bad boogie man won't zap them again. Its especially difficult because you never know when or where on the west side, a dog will be shocked. Certainly not all shockings are reported, but many fortunately are. Irregardless of whether or not the shocking incidence is considered low- one shock to ANY dog trained to perform duties that they are- well its one shock too many. Trimet needs to truly fix this whoops in part of their system that many dogs can attest to the fact that it is far from fixed.

Though the incident that sparked my interest in writing this piece was not from a shock to Thane, I do believe now that I know the signs of a dog being shocked, that Thane too was a victim of this a year ago. When will Trimet quit looking to blame other things, other people, other conditions and realize that its time for them to take action to put an end to this. Someone told me recently that this will only end when the service dog community bands together and sues Tri-met. I'd like to think, it won't have to come to that. I will admit though that I soul-search the level of need for a trip on max when its really cold and/ or wet out since we rely upon the west end of the line to start and finish our trips.

Hopefully, an end will be seen before any more wonderful dogs are given such a painful jolt.

The Miracle of Probiotics

2011-02-24T19:53:00.000-08:00

We've all heard that probiotics can do wonders for an individual suffering from various intestinal difficulties as well as when placed on antibiotics.

My wonderful redhead has reaped their benefits on more than one occasion- from the effects of an aggressive case of giardia to the complications from antibiotic therapy on his gut and teeth. A good probiotic formula (with prebiotics) was a regular requirement for my then *kibble fed* dog.

I got to my wits end on the processed food spectrum because there did not seem to be any grain-free food that Thane could in fact tolerate. Grain free is not only a good idea but a necessity for a dog who has had giardia- grains feed remnant spores which eventually can lead to leaky gut syndrome. If you are of the belief that the medications wipe out all the spores, you're sadly mistaken. Been there, Done that belief routine!

With the support of a wonderful friend at The Doghouse-Let the Fur Fly!, I turned to the prey model raw diet for Thane. I got lots of guidance and direction from her and some of the raw feeding forums on the net. Though these forums are awesome for a beginner in establishing a good varied diet, its easy to fall into a mode of accepting everything they say as gospel. I did just that when it came to giving extra supplements. At first, I continued to give Thane the cosequin, probiotics, and nupro (yeast free form) at a reduced dosage. Soon however I had eliminated the probiotics and Cosequin on bone days, placing a belief that the diet was superior enough to provide Thane with everything he needed. Frequent problems with bowels followed. I felt like I was back on kibble with all the issues he had until it donned on me that Thane had become the victim of my nievete. The return of once a week dosing of probiotics seemed to calm things down so I left things there.

Over the early winter however, Thane had numerous issues from low normal thyroid (symptomatic) to staph of the skin. Though things had stabilized on these issues, his skin remained itchy and plaque was building once more. I changed his bathing schedule in an effort to rid him of whatever allergens were making him so itchy never once considering that just as bad bacteria can congregate in the mouth and gut, so can it on the skin. I mean afterall isn't that just what had happened to him with his skin when he had staph?

Ironically, my quest to see if probiotics played a role in dental hygiene issues, led me to an article that discussed how probiotics can play a role in the *itchy dog* by replenishing good bacteria on the skin. Thane and I had little to lose and everything to gain by returning to daily probiotics for him. It took a few days for me to begin to see progress taking place, but here we are at day four since his last bath. By this time the last few weeks, I was correcting Thane frequently for chewing on himself and frankly beginning to lose patience with his newfound past time. Now, he might have one or two quick itches a day, if that. The difference in him is astounding! I know it will still take some time for Thane's skin to become the healthy skin it was pre-staph, but we appear to be off that roller-coaster ride of the last few months and are moving in the right direction.

Fairy Tales Do Come True

2011-02-24T16:57:00.000-08:00

We woke up this morning to snow- not just a trace but snow that Thane could actually play in! This was just awesome pawsome! Thane absolutely loves to play in the snow. He has not been able to play out back since the big freeze in November as its been like a swamp out there. I'm sure this added to the pleasure we both felt.

This year, unlike our norm, anytime it snowed in the area, it bypassed us or was just too warm to stick. There were times when the news talked about all this snow accumulation and it felt like they were sharing fairy tales or recycling old momentos of years past! Though the east coast and midwest would probably gladly ship us some snow from time to time, there's just something special to me to wake up to that white winter wonderland- even if it is the end of February!

Before we could do anything today, the task before me was to shovel out Thane's potty station so he could go busy. After that, we grabbed the football and had a wonderful time leaving football and paw tracks here and there as Thane jumped and lunged this way and that to try and catch his football on the fly.

Thane has a wonderful working retrieve, but when it came to his toys he still wanted to nudge them close to me on the floor or better yet, herd me to where he left the toy. Little by little over the past six months but mostly the last month, Thane has begun to be willing to bring the toy up to me so that I could more easily take it from him. Nowhere was this more clear to me, than this morning as we played in the snow together.

Though, most of the snow has since melted away as a result of the beautiful sunshine that glistened upon it all day, this morning was filled with special moments, seeing my lil' red head playing in the snow.


Thane holds his snow covered football for me. His face is covered in snow.

When is Getting a Toy a Helpful Task Rather Than Play?

2011-02-14T17:57:00.000-08:00

The rain has returned to the Pacific Northwest and with it our mobility is as well. I'm taking this time to catch up on sleep, chores, playing, and training with Thane.

I wash my laundry in a small electric wonder washer because with my MCS I can not tolerate public washing facilities. I used to have a spin dryer but the quality of it was less than anticipated. It died recently so I now must wring my clothes by hand and hang dry them with a fan and de-humidifier in the bathroom.

During the course of the day, a number of Thane's toys will wind up in the shower where I hang my laundry. I have shower rods across the shower for hanging the laundry so we can't easily collect them when they roll their way downhill to the drain. The next morning, as I pull the dry clothes off the rods, Thane's task is to go get each of the toys and bring them back to me.

He is so funny with this. He walks down and then stretches himself forward instead of walking all the way to where the item is. Then he rolls it back bit by bit until he is on the more level surface before grasping it, turning around and standing beside me so I can take it from him. Then the task, or game as he considers it, continues until all of the toys are out of the shower.

Usually this is maybe one or two toys, but this morning he had six balls down there- Don't ask me how so many wound up in the shower- perhaps he got bored and wanted to have a lot to do this morning! LOL

So you see, sometimes getting a ball is not really about play, but about helping ones handler when they can't do the task for themselves.

Real-Life Emergencies

2011-02-09T01:30:00.000-08:00

A week ago, Thane and I went through a harrowing experience. I nearly lost my life choking on some roast. One thing I recall thinking once I was out of danger was, what an inefficient design that is to the body where when something is stuck, your life hangs in the balance! This is even more the case in individuals with quadriplegia and some high level paras because we don't have the strength of cough necessary in such circumstances. Choking can literally be a life threatening scenario. This is not the first such occurence and probably won't be my last. This posting however isn't so much about the *me* side of this, but about the horrifying ordeal my guide and service dog went through.

Over this past week, I've tried to come to terms with the experience from the perspective of Thane- of what he went through, what could have become of him had things not turned around. It was horrifying to be in my shoes, but for him- it was an ordeal I hope he never has to experience again.

Initially, Thane came to my side as any service dog would who had been raised and trained as a partner to their disabled handler. My gasping, beating on my chest, and all the other *fight for life* that was taking place however instilled a *flight* response in Thane. The ordeal seemed to go on for a very long time. As anyone who has experienced something as traumatic as this knows- the feeling of time passing and the actuality of how much time really did pass; they rarely concur with each other. There are some aspects I don't remember about it such as getting the first breaths but the part I do remember is how frightened my little redhead was.

I never want him to experience fear like this again- the hiding in the other room under my desk as if that could help him escape what was taking place, trembling, heavy panting, and the obsessive licking and chewing that followed as he tried in his own way to vent the stress from such an unspeakable situation.

What I clearly remember are the soft sniffs and kisses I felt just prior to Thane curling up beside my tortured body. I wanted to somehow assure him that I would never put him or me through such an event again, but yet I knew all I could do was *hope* I could keep such a promise for both our sakes.Though in many ways I have recovered, in others, symptoms of this event remain with me. I can tell you though, regardless of how Thane reacted in this emergency situation, when all was said and done, curling up with my sidekick placing his chin upon my side that night was the best medicine anyone could have prescribed as I dealt with *reality* of my life nearly being cut short.

Change of Plans

2011-02-01T19:42:00.000-08:00

The sun was finally shining here in the Pacific Northwest. I had big plans for the day. After placing some necessary orders for our monthly needs, we were gonna head out for a long overdo adventure. Well, that was the plan, but sometimes plans get interrupted.

Thane was bothered during the night so we had to readjust our plans for the day. A bath instead of an adventure and our first splendid order to Hare Today, Gone Tomorrow is going to have to wait to ship until this monstrocity of a storm across the nation decides to die down. If I have learned anything through my life with two sensitive Border Collie guides, it is that life can be unpredictable, deliver punches you had not expected, and you just have to learn to go with the flow.

Rather than a fun trip out and about, I was lathering up Thane in a nice blend of shampoo and conditioner- something he was not very fond about taking place. From there it was domestic tasks, further orders, and being grateful for a company that considers the weather before shipping out our perishable goods.

Though we were not able to venture out today, the beautiful sunshine beaming through our door uplifted the spirits of days past brought on by this excessively wet winter. One step outside however and the chill made me grateful that a needed bath had changed our day from one of adventures to one of home necessities.

Now we await our goodie box (if the weather lets up)!

Happy Woofday My Lil' Man

2011-01-28T16:04:00.000-08:00

Today my wonderful sidekick, Thane is 4 Woofdays Old. It just does not seem like this could be possible- like has time really flown that fast? I have to admit though that despite some of our ups and downs, lately I feel like I am working more with a seasoned guide than the *green* dog of earlier times.

It's comfortable- the way we walk together as one unit flowing almost seamlessly. The way we often read each others' minds reminds me of the latter years working with his predecessor. Tthe faith I now have and feel in Thane- well it is a special kind of feeling to realize that no matter what is going on, how he or you are feeling, that he knows your life is in his hands and there is nothing to fear. I can say that because I have total confidence in the training I have put into him.

So one might ask what you give a four year old Border Collie who loves to play, play, play- well more toys of course! We slept in this morning, played hookie from life to play with new toys, and welcomed eight new puppies into the world- OK we did that welcoming last night when we learned his co-breeders, now breeding independently again, had a litter of healthy frisky Border Collie puppies yesterday- 6 Boys and 2 Girls.

And NO, Thane IS NOT getting a puppy for his woofday! LOL

All this fun and kidding aside, leaves me reflecting on the training and aging process. I know there will be a day in not too many more years, when it will be time to start thinking about youth again. For now though I want to just basque in the enjoyment of working with a more seasoned guide that I totally trust.