Saving a Life or Two

This post is for the Assistance Dog Blog Carnival being hosted by Martha at the blog Believe in Who You Are The topic for this carnival is *Moments*

There are so many aspects to Assistance Dog partnership that have their memorable moments- even more so for those of us who are owner trainers. As an individual with progressive deafblindness,  incomplete quadriplegia, and other substantial medical hurdles, the first moments that come to mind are two life saving events- one by each of my combo trained guide, hearing, service dogs. Initially, I was only going to write about the event with my present partnership; however, I realized that both of these events have played a crucial role in shaping who I am as a trainer and handler.

It was around 2004. I was taking Chimette (AKA Met) for our normal routine short walk while my apartment was being vacuumed.  Met was a typical male who loved to mark when I allowed him to, and sometimes tried to do so of his own accord with failing results. As males go, his marking behavior was honestly not that bad though he had a favorite area where he really loved to mark as we turned toward home.

Our path had no big obstacles to deal with that morning- everything was flowing with a calm, peaceful simplicity until Met jerked over under the trees alongside the sidewalk path. Something told me that despite our location, this action was not about marking so I followed his lead moving my chair over under the trees just as a white streak passed so close I could have reached out and touched it. The driver, so out of control, that he or she jumped the curb at the corner using the sidewalk as an extension of the road. I knew the police were not far behind after Met's siren alert so we stayed put.

Met got a jackpot of praise and opportunity to mark, and as Julie Johnson puts it, check all the pee mail he could ever want to check. During that interval I worked on getting my heart to stop pounding so hard that I could feel it in my chest. The realization of just what Met had done for me in that moment remains as clear in my mind some eight years later as it did the moment it occurred. He was indeed my hero who quite literally saved our lives that day.

Life goes on though and one doesn't think every day about each moment of excitement, wonder, or even life saving events. Met aged, passed away, and his successor stepped up to the plate in grand fashion. During this time, my disabilities had all progressed substantially. Still, I didn't think too much about all the moments each day- all the times Thane proved himself as we trained or worked as a green team.

There were so many times when drivers needed a refresher course about yielding for pedestrians, about looking for pedestrians when entering the crosswalk with their vehicles, and oh boy- the stories I could tell about the life saving moments caused by individuals who plain and simply need to have the keys taken away from them.

The one moment though in this partnership with Thane, that really stays in my mind and probably will for all time occurred May 20, 2011 shortly before Thane would collapse from undiagnosed Lyme disease. I included this fact, solely because it makes what he did this day all that much more of a memorable moment forever etched in my mind.

It was a beautiful day and we were going to take advantage of it. Living in the Pacific Northwest, we were coming off of our nine to ten months of annual rain and everyone was ready for the kind of weather we had that day. We headed to the trail and then back to New Seasons for a few items. As we were crossing the street with the signal (why are we always in the middle or three quarters of the way across the street when people try and put their 2000 pound or more vehicles to the test against pedestrians- deafblind ones at that), Thane slammed himself across my path at which point I immediately backed my chair some, but not before the unfortunate aspect of wheeling over a paw. With Thane's focus on getting me back, I doubt there was even a whimper at that unfortunate impact we made. I felt the swoosh of the air as a car ripped past us, not even slowing down at our presence. The signal there (and all along that street and too many others) has a yield arrow where cars can turn left when it is clear. The problem being is that they RARELY look for pedestrians.

Once we made it across the street and steadied our nerves, I gave Thane jackpot praise for what I realized immediately was the closest I had ever come to being severely injured or killed since partnered with a guide dog. This event had a greater impact than the one with his predecessor, Met, but each leaving me with gratefulness for the results of hard training and partnership with the dog at my side. I swapped handles (the glue had popped in the forceful re-direction Thane had to make) and we carried on. I've learned many times over how valuable it can be to carry a spare guide handle with us.

As we walked along towards the max station, I noticed Thane's pull in harness was different, but didn't think too much about it since his gait seemed normal. When we got to the max station is when I realized just the extent of what he had done for me. His forceful blocking of my chair had caused a sheering of his skin from the harness straps and forced torque of the guide handle.

My skin didn't fare much better than Thane's did. As we spent some days at home to heal, I tried not to let myself feel as awful as I did about Thane being injured in the performance of his duty. Instead I focused on the fact that we were still there, still together, because he performed his duty to the utmost of his ability.

I've heard a number of heartbreaking stories over the years about service dogs killed while crossing streets or parking lots, many of which were guide dogs. I continue to be grateful for the fast action of Thane that day. I am sure that his training, the repetitive need to use this skill due to distracted or incompetent drivers, our bond that helped me realize his urgency in that split second, and especially his agile build helped keep us safe that day.

That was the day when I realized above and beyond, that Thane was the right dog to have at my side.

A Day of Remembrance for Chimette

Met Guides me in harness- early partnership

Five years ago today, my life changed forever. I had no idea how I was going to survive beyond that day. It was the day that Chimette, my awesome side kick of nearly 11 years, stepped out of my life.

The days that followed were unbelievable. I could not imagine how I would ever be able to function as a whole person again. Over the years, Met had adapted to my disabilities as much as I had to them by providing me with skills that I never would have considered needing when I first began training him. When he was gone, so was my strategy for functional living.

As hard as those first days and weeks felt in terms of my functional skills, my heart was turned to raw mincemeat. The loss went far deeper than just skills I lost. As an individual with MCS, I had no physical friends that I could visit with or do things with. My animals, but especially my service dog were my family, my firiends, my everything. I had lost my birds earlier that year and now I was literally alone for the first time since 1992.

Eventually I learned to pick up the pieces and adapt a bit- albeit awkwardly to my limitations. I knew I would eventually adopt another dog to train as my successor, but I could not imagine how I could bond with or work with another dog that was not Met.

It took a while, but I came to a place where I realized that Met would want this for me- Met would want me to be happy, to move on, to give another dog a chance to truly shine.

And that is what I did- little by little I let Thane worm his way into my heart, into my life, into the position that Met once held

But even as it is a special thing with Thane, there will never be those first exhilarations as I watched and experienced how much a service dog could become for me, could change my life and my outlook on life

Though moving on was the right thing to do, I take his journey and all its lessons with me. They are afterall a part of who I am today- why I am the way I am and most especially why Thane is alive and getting healthier each and every day.

Met lays on the grass in the sun on one of his last really good days

So Many Lessons

Thane has taught me so many things in my time spent with him. Some of the things have been exhilarating, but over the past year much of that has been the gritty trials of fighting through Lyme and subsequent slow return of function because of just how long it took to get a right diagnosis.

This one however was a great find. The results of which have totally changed our life around from that of *would Thane every work full time again* to the *Thane is working full time again* mode

Thane is gluten intolerant!

I actually stumbled upon why Thane improved so dramatically on an MCS list. They were talking about gluten in supplements. I had shortly before that time changed Thane's diet and pulled almost all of his supplements. I began doing research and sure enough, he was on several that were not gluten free, as well as having been on a couple more that were not at some point over the past year, including the ALA which caused T4 to T3 conversion issues earlier in the year.

Life has improved so much for Thane and us as a team. His life at home is so much more peaceful- his anxiety just lifted almost overnight. It was such a radical change from the dog I had become accustomed to having to watch like a hawk or use an e-collar with.

There has been such vast improvement, that its hard to remember all the symptoms he had that melted away, but take a look at any of the Thyroid articles by Dr Jean Dodds and just about every system that can be involved in thyroid disease, was in Thane.

The jury is still out as to whether Thane will completely recover without any medical intervention. The frustrating part though is that my vet did not catch this early on either. It has been going on for years and did not surprise her that he was gluten intolerant. sigh

Now I sit here at home with anticipation of the lab results- hopefully there will be answers in them that lead us towards further resolutions cuz Thane and I- well, we love being back together on the road again

It's Not Always Just Black and White

This post is for the Assistance Dog Blog Carnival
The topic chosen by Brooke at  the RuledByPaws blog is Marchin' to Your Own Drum

When I brought Thane into my life as my successor candidate I had many hopes and dreams for us. None of them involved another journey through chronic illness, but that is exactly the cards that were dealt for us. I knew that there were great variations in the outcomes for dogs diagnosed with Lyme. All I could do was treat Thane and hope for a good outcome that leaves chronic illness behind as just a bad memory. We're still waiting for that LOL

Seriously though, in the beginning of this journey I could not think about anything but treatment for Thane. He was too sick to work at that time and so for the first time since his training was complete, I had to face that scary world full of sounds and sights I was oblivious to by myself. I had to deal with grip issues and the pain associated with navigating my guide cane while Thane recovered. The worst part was having to deal with everyone who just had to know where Thane was. Leaving him home certainly gave me a huge eye opening experience of just how much Thane really does for me as a deafblind incomplete quadriplegic.

Many in the service dog world believe that once a service dog has developed a health condition that it is time to retire them. I don't believe it is really so simple- so black and white. As a more sedentary individual and an owner-trainer, I have greater flexibility in this area. I will admit I did a lot of soul searching about what was right in our situation, but I knew going into this that every case is different. For Thane, however, having not been diagnosed early on, the prognosis was a long one of ups and downs as the spirochetes were destroyed.

The key in everything is that I put Thane first ALWAYS If he was not up for the errand, then we waited for a day when he was doing better (during times when it fluctuated) or I went solo. Don't get me wrong, it was tough going solo. I knew though that when I got home, he'd be there to help me put things away, change my smelly clothes from public access and be the in-home service dog I trained him to be. Though there is still some fluctuation in Thane's abilities, he has begun to work in public more. Lately, each week seems to be bringing with it an increased ability to be in harness at my side. There were times when I questioned whether I had made the right decision to wait the process out and see what outcome we could achieve.  Now I am watching the dream begin to unfold as Thane is returning to the job he loves. I'm so glad I don't think in just black and white!

The Future of Our Partnership

Today I have made one of the hardest decisions anyone partnered with a service dog makes, that of hanging up the guide harness. This decision was not made lightly or in haste. Thane has been out of harness for a short time due to a skin issue which has since healed nicely. While out of harness, we worked together as a service/ hearing dog team (combo trained dog) When the harness came back into the equation however, stress was quite evident for Thane. I won't go into all of the details here other than to say that it was very important to me to listen to what Thane needs and wants rather than focusing on how difficult life without a guide dog will be.

At this point, Thane still loves to do his indoor tasks. These tasks are also a huge part of my ability to live as independently as I do. He will continue in the home to be my service dog and probably even learn new tasks. Public access as a service/ hearing dog may come to a close as well or we may find that stepping out of harness resolves the stress issue.

For now though, I will go solo and give Thane more time to heal, relax, and be loved for the awesome dog he is and has been at my side. He will remain in my life, as the teacher of the great lesson and heartbreak known as Lyme Disease. I sincerely doubt I would be making this post now, if it had not been for it. The reason really doesn't matter though- all that matters is that he is loved and will continue to be loved and cared for by me.

The Future of My Blog

This is a quick post to my followers to give you a heads up on what may be the end of future posts from me. Blogger is updating their interface. For some this may sound like a great deal, but to those who are visually impaired or blind, its not the case.

You see, bloggers new interface is not very accessible to those who rely upon screen readers. For now the old interface is still active. Blogger is fully aware of the lack of accessibility, but it looks like they are still trying to get everyone to switch over to the new interface this month.

For those non-computer savvy folks who read my or other VI or blind folks blogs, the interface is required to add entries to our blogs.

Though I could just move to another blog hosting site, I have not decided what course of action I plan on taking at this juncture.

I loved that at the time I started my blogs, I was able to do it without captcha via my gmail account- that is not an option on a lot of other blog hosting sites so I have a lot to figure out.

For now, I'm staying put unless of course I log on one day and find that blogger decided for me

My Life with Chronic Pain and Dream to Go Home

I am so ready to bust this climate- YESTERDAY! Our life has been nothing short of ordinary lately. It seems that my nerve pain has become widespread, chronic, and is triggered into a more severe pain level with the trigger of rain.

Living with such chronic pain is difficult at best. I have to limit my time on the computer, limit the household chores I do, limit how much I play with Thane, limit everything that has become my identity just so that I can keep the pain level down to tolerable levels.

I've been fighting with MyIPRelay this week over my account that they keep freezing out on me. For some online relay is a secondary phone for them- for me it is my only way to make calls and receive messages. I can't make a lot of calls as it is due to pain levels. I do much better with email communication, but some businesses are resistant to provide that option (including Thane's vet).

I spent the better part of three days fighting with these folks. I prefer Nextalk for outgoing calls but they lost their relay contract with no notice to consumers. Its been over a month and its still not back in place. I tried to set up accounts with other providers, but they either used captcha, the number options were not local for me, or I needed to port my existing number if I wanted to use the service within a short window of time. To port my number would then make it unusable with the provider I had been using once they get their heads out of their asses and stop monkeying around with my account that was all up to date to begin with years ago.

If I had not been in the midst of trying to reach the wheelchair vendor (something I'd been trying to do unsuccessfully for nearly two weeks) all of this would not have made my life so complicated. All the extra crap with the provider to get my account working right again only to have it fail for the same reason the next day and the next quite frankly used up all the spoons I set aside to work on reaching the wheelchair vendor. Since I can't answer incoming calls and the repair department was not picking up when I called, this meant repeated calls through relay for weeks.

Finally flabbergasted with the whole ordeal, when the national office picked up the phone instead of local, I explained whats been taking place to them and imagine that- they got them on the phone for me! YEAH! Not only that, she is going to use email to let me know when the appointment will be so that I can more easily confirm it with her.

Spoons for the weekend are pretty much gone now after all of that this week- not to mention two grocery trips in rain and mud with the sorting and clean up to follow.

I've pretty much decided I have to begin saving for relocating. I have to have a drier climate than this. I refuse to spend the rest of my life in this place because my parents want me closer to them and I opted to move here based on half truths and down right lies about some things. I don't know when it will happen, I suspect I will probably be on dog number three before it does, but I have to have something like this to give me a renewed sense of hope.

When one relies on public transit, needs guided walks to keep their pain in check, must take long trips on transit to get the grocery needs provided, living in a climate where it now rains a good part of the year (8-9 months is common), its time to reverse that decision I made because i was provided with faulty information about my options here. I was also told they would help me get back there if this did not work for me, but that was the rouse to prevent me from changing my mind.

Meanwhile though both Thane and I suffer every year because of the rain and I am fed up with it. Now that most of the heavy duty medical treatment phase is behind us for Thane, I hope to be able to get my budget back on track and save for the process of a move.

 I know that when one is on section 8, the area you want to move to has to agree to accept your case. Its not as simple as me saying I want to rent such and such a place in the city I left. Housing also has some really ludicrous guidelines for making this transition (or any move even within the same county you live in). You have to fist give a 30 day notice to your manager and send Housing a copy. They then have to approve of the move. OK so if your like me, your asking who the heck designed such a system! OK I get your manager should get a 30 day notice, but one usually has somewhere to move to before they give their manager notice, don't they?! LOL

Thankfully I have a friend who has managed to do the state transition twice as well as transitioned within a single state before so I will definitely touch base with her at some stage of this. I just don't see this happening anytime soon with how expensive such a move could be for me. The bottom line is I need to live in a drier climate period. I can't live like this year in and year out. Its time for me to save my pennies. If people knew just how much more money I'd be getting now if I lived in California they'd probably croak. Between Social Security cutting my check over 200 bucks when my Mom also went on Dad's SS (something SS required to be done with me) and this state refusing to give me SSI or any assistance dog special allowance funds- I wish I never made this move.

Some people may think that I am just in one of those funks and I will get used to things once the rain stops (in say 3 more months if I am lucky), get real. I have felt this way from the beginning. Living with MCS though makes this even harder than you can imagine. Its the No friends, no contacts that are MCS safe, no way to check out the area easily because I can't fly, etc, etc. Of course if I land in the same area I left, I imagine I can get some assistance on that end of the transition from people I know there, but the journey to pull it off on the Oregon end will be oh so much fun NOT! It will be a nightmare to put it into place, but once it happens, it will be so much easier for me to live throughout the year. I know wherever I land will have its share of rain, but it will also have more dry than wet. I will choose where I land based on the transit system, location of organic grocery options, location of good veterinary care, etc My biggest concern is the *fight* for accessible formats with housing and their willingness to do reviews by mail. I hear that most areas do in person reviews. I know the law is on my side with reasonable accommodations but I wont say it doesn't concern me.

Through all of these thoughts and ramblings here today though, I have to wonder how things will flow if the transition begins before my third dog. How will things transition in regards to Thane's ongoing care, his permanent waiver (which is btw based on the vet you are seeing at the time- any other vet can choose to not honor it) Its part of why I am nervous to seek out a better vet for Thane as it is here. Of course in California, if I ask a vet for a written script, they CAN NOT refuse. It is law there that they must provide what I request. Of course I've never in my life heard of a month of amoxicillin costing 70 bucks until my vet was refusing and playing games about its being filled.

For now, all this can be is a dream. I know that. I know a few bucks are not going to get me back home. I know its where I need to be though for my own sanity and pain- so here's to the day that I get back home!