A Day of Remembrance for Chimette

Met Guides me in harness- early partnership

Five years ago today, my life changed forever. I had no idea how I was going to survive beyond that day. It was the day that Chimette, my awesome side kick of nearly 11 years, stepped out of my life.

The days that followed were unbelievable. I could not imagine how I would ever be able to function as a whole person again. Over the years, Met had adapted to my disabilities as much as I had to them by providing me with skills that I never would have considered needing when I first began training him. When he was gone, so was my strategy for functional living.

As hard as those first days and weeks felt in terms of my functional skills, my heart was turned to raw mincemeat. The loss went far deeper than just skills I lost. As an individual with MCS, I had no physical friends that I could visit with or do things with. My animals, but especially my service dog were my family, my firiends, my everything. I had lost my birds earlier that year and now I was literally alone for the first time since 1992.

Eventually I learned to pick up the pieces and adapt a bit- albeit awkwardly to my limitations. I knew I would eventually adopt another dog to train as my successor, but I could not imagine how I could bond with or work with another dog that was not Met.

It took a while, but I came to a place where I realized that Met would want this for me- Met would want me to be happy, to move on, to give another dog a chance to truly shine.

And that is what I did- little by little I let Thane worm his way into my heart, into my life, into the position that Met once held

But even as it is a special thing with Thane, there will never be those first exhilarations as I watched and experienced how much a service dog could become for me, could change my life and my outlook on life

Though moving on was the right thing to do, I take his journey and all its lessons with me. They are afterall a part of who I am today- why I am the way I am and most especially why Thane is alive and getting healthier each and every day.

Met lays on the grass in the sun on one of his last really good days

So Many Lessons

Thane has taught me so many things in my time spent with him. Some of the things have been exhilarating, but over the past year much of that has been the gritty trials of fighting through Lyme and subsequent slow return of function because of just how long it took to get a right diagnosis.

This one however was a great find. The results of which have totally changed our life around from that of *would Thane every work full time again* to the *Thane is working full time again* mode

Thane is gluten intolerant!

I actually stumbled upon why Thane improved so dramatically on an MCS list. They were talking about gluten in supplements. I had shortly before that time changed Thane's diet and pulled almost all of his supplements. I began doing research and sure enough, he was on several that were not gluten free, as well as having been on a couple more that were not at some point over the past year, including the ALA which caused T4 to T3 conversion issues earlier in the year.

Life has improved so much for Thane and us as a team. His life at home is so much more peaceful- his anxiety just lifted almost overnight. It was such a radical change from the dog I had become accustomed to having to watch like a hawk or use an e-collar with.

There has been such vast improvement, that its hard to remember all the symptoms he had that melted away, but take a look at any of the Thyroid articles by Dr Jean Dodds and just about every system that can be involved in thyroid disease, was in Thane.

The jury is still out as to whether Thane will completely recover without any medical intervention. The frustrating part though is that my vet did not catch this early on either. It has been going on for years and did not surprise her that he was gluten intolerant. sigh

Now I sit here at home with anticipation of the lab results- hopefully there will be answers in them that lead us towards further resolutions cuz Thane and I- well, we love being back together on the road again

It's Not Always Just Black and White

This post is for the Assistance Dog Blog Carnival
The topic chosen by Brooke at  the RuledByPaws blog is Marchin' to Your Own Drum

When I brought Thane into my life as my successor candidate I had many hopes and dreams for us. None of them involved another journey through chronic illness, but that is exactly the cards that were dealt for us. I knew that there were great variations in the outcomes for dogs diagnosed with Lyme. All I could do was treat Thane and hope for a good outcome that leaves chronic illness behind as just a bad memory. We're still waiting for that LOL

Seriously though, in the beginning of this journey I could not think about anything but treatment for Thane. He was too sick to work at that time and so for the first time since his training was complete, I had to face that scary world full of sounds and sights I was oblivious to by myself. I had to deal with grip issues and the pain associated with navigating my guide cane while Thane recovered. The worst part was having to deal with everyone who just had to know where Thane was. Leaving him home certainly gave me a huge eye opening experience of just how much Thane really does for me as a deafblind incomplete quadriplegic.

Many in the service dog world believe that once a service dog has developed a health condition that it is time to retire them. I don't believe it is really so simple- so black and white. As a more sedentary individual and an owner-trainer, I have greater flexibility in this area. I will admit I did a lot of soul searching about what was right in our situation, but I knew going into this that every case is different. For Thane, however, having not been diagnosed early on, the prognosis was a long one of ups and downs as the spirochetes were destroyed.

The key in everything is that I put Thane first ALWAYS If he was not up for the errand, then we waited for a day when he was doing better (during times when it fluctuated) or I went solo. Don't get me wrong, it was tough going solo. I knew though that when I got home, he'd be there to help me put things away, change my smelly clothes from public access and be the in-home service dog I trained him to be. Though there is still some fluctuation in Thane's abilities, he has begun to work in public more. Lately, each week seems to be bringing with it an increased ability to be in harness at my side. There were times when I questioned whether I had made the right decision to wait the process out and see what outcome we could achieve.  Now I am watching the dream begin to unfold as Thane is returning to the job he loves. I'm so glad I don't think in just black and white!

The Future of Our Partnership

Today I have made one of the hardest decisions anyone partnered with a service dog makes, that of hanging up the guide harness. This decision was not made lightly or in haste. Thane has been out of harness for a short time due to a skin issue which has since healed nicely. While out of harness, we worked together as a service/ hearing dog team (combo trained dog) When the harness came back into the equation however, stress was quite evident for Thane. I won't go into all of the details here other than to say that it was very important to me to listen to what Thane needs and wants rather than focusing on how difficult life without a guide dog will be.

At this point, Thane still loves to do his indoor tasks. These tasks are also a huge part of my ability to live as independently as I do. He will continue in the home to be my service dog and probably even learn new tasks. Public access as a service/ hearing dog may come to a close as well or we may find that stepping out of harness resolves the stress issue.

For now though, I will go solo and give Thane more time to heal, relax, and be loved for the awesome dog he is and has been at my side. He will remain in my life, as the teacher of the great lesson and heartbreak known as Lyme Disease. I sincerely doubt I would be making this post now, if it had not been for it. The reason really doesn't matter though- all that matters is that he is loved and will continue to be loved and cared for by me.

The Future of My Blog

This is a quick post to my followers to give you a heads up on what may be the end of future posts from me. Blogger is updating their interface. For some this may sound like a great deal, but to those who are visually impaired or blind, its not the case.

You see, bloggers new interface is not very accessible to those who rely upon screen readers. For now the old interface is still active. Blogger is fully aware of the lack of accessibility, but it looks like they are still trying to get everyone to switch over to the new interface this month.

For those non-computer savvy folks who read my or other VI or blind folks blogs, the interface is required to add entries to our blogs.

Though I could just move to another blog hosting site, I have not decided what course of action I plan on taking at this juncture.

I loved that at the time I started my blogs, I was able to do it without captcha via my gmail account- that is not an option on a lot of other blog hosting sites so I have a lot to figure out.

For now, I'm staying put unless of course I log on one day and find that blogger decided for me

My Life with Chronic Pain and Dream to Go Home

I am so ready to bust this climate- YESTERDAY! Our life has been nothing short of ordinary lately. It seems that my nerve pain has become widespread, chronic, and is triggered into a more severe pain level with the trigger of rain.

Living with such chronic pain is difficult at best. I have to limit my time on the computer, limit the household chores I do, limit how much I play with Thane, limit everything that has become my identity just so that I can keep the pain level down to tolerable levels.

I've been fighting with MyIPRelay this week over my account that they keep freezing out on me. For some online relay is a secondary phone for them- for me it is my only way to make calls and receive messages. I can't make a lot of calls as it is due to pain levels. I do much better with email communication, but some businesses are resistant to provide that option (including Thane's vet).

I spent the better part of three days fighting with these folks. I prefer Nextalk for outgoing calls but they lost their relay contract with no notice to consumers. Its been over a month and its still not back in place. I tried to set up accounts with other providers, but they either used captcha, the number options were not local for me, or I needed to port my existing number if I wanted to use the service within a short window of time. To port my number would then make it unusable with the provider I had been using once they get their heads out of their asses and stop monkeying around with my account that was all up to date to begin with years ago.

If I had not been in the midst of trying to reach the wheelchair vendor (something I'd been trying to do unsuccessfully for nearly two weeks) all of this would not have made my life so complicated. All the extra crap with the provider to get my account working right again only to have it fail for the same reason the next day and the next quite frankly used up all the spoons I set aside to work on reaching the wheelchair vendor. Since I can't answer incoming calls and the repair department was not picking up when I called, this meant repeated calls through relay for weeks.

Finally flabbergasted with the whole ordeal, when the national office picked up the phone instead of local, I explained whats been taking place to them and imagine that- they got them on the phone for me! YEAH! Not only that, she is going to use email to let me know when the appointment will be so that I can more easily confirm it with her.

Spoons for the weekend are pretty much gone now after all of that this week- not to mention two grocery trips in rain and mud with the sorting and clean up to follow.

I've pretty much decided I have to begin saving for relocating. I have to have a drier climate than this. I refuse to spend the rest of my life in this place because my parents want me closer to them and I opted to move here based on half truths and down right lies about some things. I don't know when it will happen, I suspect I will probably be on dog number three before it does, but I have to have something like this to give me a renewed sense of hope.

When one relies on public transit, needs guided walks to keep their pain in check, must take long trips on transit to get the grocery needs provided, living in a climate where it now rains a good part of the year (8-9 months is common), its time to reverse that decision I made because i was provided with faulty information about my options here. I was also told they would help me get back there if this did not work for me, but that was the rouse to prevent me from changing my mind.

Meanwhile though both Thane and I suffer every year because of the rain and I am fed up with it. Now that most of the heavy duty medical treatment phase is behind us for Thane, I hope to be able to get my budget back on track and save for the process of a move.

 I know that when one is on section 8, the area you want to move to has to agree to accept your case. Its not as simple as me saying I want to rent such and such a place in the city I left. Housing also has some really ludicrous guidelines for making this transition (or any move even within the same county you live in). You have to fist give a 30 day notice to your manager and send Housing a copy. They then have to approve of the move. OK so if your like me, your asking who the heck designed such a system! OK I get your manager should get a 30 day notice, but one usually has somewhere to move to before they give their manager notice, don't they?! LOL

Thankfully I have a friend who has managed to do the state transition twice as well as transitioned within a single state before so I will definitely touch base with her at some stage of this. I just don't see this happening anytime soon with how expensive such a move could be for me. The bottom line is I need to live in a drier climate period. I can't live like this year in and year out. Its time for me to save my pennies. If people knew just how much more money I'd be getting now if I lived in California they'd probably croak. Between Social Security cutting my check over 200 bucks when my Mom also went on Dad's SS (something SS required to be done with me) and this state refusing to give me SSI or any assistance dog special allowance funds- I wish I never made this move.

Some people may think that I am just in one of those funks and I will get used to things once the rain stops (in say 3 more months if I am lucky), get real. I have felt this way from the beginning. Living with MCS though makes this even harder than you can imagine. Its the No friends, no contacts that are MCS safe, no way to check out the area easily because I can't fly, etc, etc. Of course if I land in the same area I left, I imagine I can get some assistance on that end of the transition from people I know there, but the journey to pull it off on the Oregon end will be oh so much fun NOT! It will be a nightmare to put it into place, but once it happens, it will be so much easier for me to live throughout the year. I know wherever I land will have its share of rain, but it will also have more dry than wet. I will choose where I land based on the transit system, location of organic grocery options, location of good veterinary care, etc My biggest concern is the *fight* for accessible formats with housing and their willingness to do reviews by mail. I hear that most areas do in person reviews. I know the law is on my side with reasonable accommodations but I wont say it doesn't concern me.

Through all of these thoughts and ramblings here today though, I have to wonder how things will flow if the transition begins before my third dog. How will things transition in regards to Thane's ongoing care, his permanent waiver (which is btw based on the vet you are seeing at the time- any other vet can choose to not honor it) Its part of why I am nervous to seek out a better vet for Thane as it is here. Of course in California, if I ask a vet for a written script, they CAN NOT refuse. It is law there that they must provide what I request. Of course I've never in my life heard of a month of amoxicillin costing 70 bucks until my vet was refusing and playing games about its being filled.

For now, all this can be is a dream. I know that. I know a few bucks are not going to get me back home. I know its where I need to be though for my own sanity and pain- so here's to the day that I get back home!

Transition

Lyme negative are the most beautiful two words I have heard since our life turned upside down in June, but they are words being used in reference to Thane!

Its been a very long, hard journey that at times I was not sure which end was up and which down- or if Thane was going to be able to guide in all scenarios when the end actually came to pass- but its happened and he is at my side to stay for a while longer anyway.

A transition like this is interesting. To me, its more like remission as having had Lyme for about two years prior to diagnosis means there is potential for relapse through cyst forms. Cyst forms are able to hide from most antibiotic therapy. I'm not overly concerned since there are plans for a prevention protocol- one element of which can be used both preventatively and as part of a treatment protocol. Its capable of busting cysts as well. The supplement regimen will be continued. Homeopathy regimen if needed since it is about more than just Lyme.

For now though, I'm experiencing something I did not know when, if ever I would. I have the guide at my side that I had way back in the first week of June 2009 before he was bit by the tick, albeit a little thin in coat, but that will come in time.

Now when I head out with Thane, I'm not thinking so much about multiple approaches to deal with my disabilities- Thane is back in top form. There's no more concerns about whether or not he will be able to guide me in all situations. I don't have to think about what the weather is like or if its too late and we might be heading home after dark or any of that.

When I want to head out and do something- we just do!

Of course I've suspected for a few weeks that he was now negative, but having the test results on my computer confirming what I thought to be the case is just awesome.

I have previous experience working a combo trained service dog with chronic health needs. Its not the path I would have chosen for him and its certainly not the path I wanted for Thane. Today though, despite knowing that this could relapse, I still feel this sort of victory in that though we had a long haul to get where we are, it is not going to predict our future or put limitations on the way I live my life with him at my side. It really is a special feeling to have so much be past tense. No more seizures, no more falling off curbs or running into walls, no more wandering lameness, or skin so fragile that a shower causes it to peel away if oil isn't massaged into the skin. This and so much more are in the past and tomorrow is just that- a day when we can do whatever we please without worrying about what symptoms might rear their ugly face!

Boy isn't this just awesome pawsome!