Different Ways for Different Times

As an owner trainer of my service dogs, I get many concepts when it comes to training my dogs. I understand that even within a same breed, individual dogs can learn concepts differently, that they may need me to alter my approach to training, that they may fit within the realm of softness to hardness differently in one type of scenario than they are as a general overall principle for them as an individual, that one dog may have certain areas where they follow your lead and other areas or times where their stubbornness can go off the charts.

I won't say these aspects are always easy or that I work with and through them in a perfect fashion. That has been far from the case. It takes the training of many dogs of different breeds and temperaments for any trainer to be truly skilled at what they do. Much of what I have done, has come through much trial and error. In Thane's case it was also clouded by grief and the mentality of trying to mold Thane into Met.

But this post is not so much about these factors- as these factors concentrate around the dog side of the training and team- much of which at this stage with Thane I have figured out the direction and approach that works best or am flexible enough to follow the lead he is showing me to get to the place I seek to be. I have figured out that he is a soft dog who vibes off me which has made me a much better handler and individual in dealing with stressful situations. This post is about the handler side of things. It is about dealing with multiple disabilities that often bring with them much fluctuation in my functional day to day life.

I don't talk much about my disabilities in my blog because frankly I just want a place where I am seen for the inside pages as opposed to the book cover of the physical shell. That all said, I am beginning to feel the need to let down my guard as others have done. Perhaps its because by letting down my guard, I can share with you the kinds of training that can truly prepare one for the unknown- so here goes.

When you wake up each morning, you probably know what you are going to feel like, how much energy you will have, how your limbs will function, whether or not you can get to point B without smacking into a wall from vertigo or any other myriad of functions that as an able bodied healthy person you probably take for granted. This isn't the side of the coin that I deal with however.

I have multiple disabilities and have for more years than not. I am a deafblind individual living with incomplete quadriplegia, complete paraplegia, MCS (multiple chemical sensitivities), low kidney function as a reminder of my chemo days, asthma that can rapidly spike to a level of it being hard to communicate secondary to a variety of triggers from my MCS, and a problem that to this day no one has the answers to. It comes on with minimal notice and can affect me in a myriad of ways- feeling like blood sugar is crashing or I'm going to pass out without typical treatments of such bearing any changes on the sensation, vertigo, loss of where I am in space, episodes of complete deafness and at the least greater level of blindness, confusion of how I got where I am- like being in a daydream but not having any daydream of thoughts to cause it. Its believed its linked to the cause of my blindness and to the cause of the further deterioration of my deafness but not the initial cause of that condition. I've accepted that possibility since it is viral in nature and the cause of my GI system roller coaster ride.

My disabilities have several causes working together from birth or shortly thereafter to accident causation to disease. The mere fact that I am alive is a testament to my tenacity and stubbornness but at the same time that survival is a factor in the progressive nature of some of my disabilities and even the causation of others.

The month of May has been MCS awareness month. You'd think I would be shouting out about it every day. Instead I sat back and let others do the shouting such as my dear friend Sharon at After Gadget blog. Its stupid I know, but I feel like it takes all the spoons I can muster to live my life with MCS- I'm not going to focus on it in the one place I really have to escape from the trappings of my disabilities and diseases. So there you have it- call it what you will- denial, anger, escape- I just don't want myself to be thought of as the woman with all these diseases and disabilities that it seems too unbelievable to be true that someone like her/ like me can function as independently as I do amidst all this crap that quite frankly, SUCKS!

This is just a fraction- a bit more about what I deal with- but you really can't even begin to fathom what all of this does to one- the amount of energy it takes to do the things I must to live my life. For instance I am severely impacted by smoke, lawn mowing (for up to a week after its been cut), amongst other things. Yesterday the new and very inconsiderate neighbor across the street spent nearly six hours open burning in the field across the way. My lungs are screaming, my voice volume is so low that at times Thane can not hear me and frankly I feel so weak and out of it unable to find my place in space easily if I change position. To say I feel like HELL is an understatement. This is just a really minute piece of what I deal with. If this was not bad enough, mowing has begun both across the street and at the complex I live in. I did other things today that used way more spoons than I had to give, but necessary things nonetheless.

I felt the need to share these aspects before I entered into the real theme of what I am wanting to convey in this post- that of working differently with ones service animal as life's twists and turns bombard you. See some people ask me when I train various skills if they are things I really need or if I am training them to keep Thane's mind stimulated and his stress level from life in an apartment in an area of the country where someone forgot to tell the sky that we should be in summer weather now.

Reality is that some of the skills are only needed on occasion and that some of them are not things that I presently need. I know from experience living in my body though that every day brings with it differences from the previous day or from the next day- surprises essentially. I never know just what I am going to be like before or even after I pull my paralyzed frame out of bed each day.

Today was one of those bad days where so much was wrong, yet with my redhead here, I achieved much. I have not been able to use my tilt for over a week now because the placement of my skin issue from the close call we had over a week ago is such that excessive pressure is placed on it if I tilt. This brings with it extra spasticity and pain as well as more difficulty breathing even without a trigger to my lung function because not only can't I tilt but I can't use positioning belts and harnesses because they too force too much pressure on my skin. Even my digestion has been affected negatively by not being able to use these things. As a result, I must work with my service dog in very different ways. Had I stopped his training, target practice, and not trained the fun for all type tasks into our routine- the errand we ran today never would have been possible.

With extra spasticity comes a need for my dog to ignore sudden thrusts of the harness handle. It also means that he has to be gentler in his approaches with me that require close contact as well as accepting my bouncing leg when he does the paws command or my hands that might accidentally hit him when I reach out to stroke his head. He has to adapt to my functional changes which includes working differently with me in order to get his harness and coat on and off of him- using paws command instead of standing, as well as frequent adjustments and *how high* with each front paw so that various straps can be positioned in just the perfect place. This is not near as easy as it may sound.

With decreased lung function and a gas mask, it also means that my service dog can not hear me make vocal commands. We have spent the last 6-8 months working some key commands in ASL and/ or home sign just for such occurrences. Though his focus and comprehension is still a work in progress with this approach, we can communicate if we take it slow for tasks related to harness work. Foundation and Obedience commands, we are quite a team with.

Today I was a bit disoriented- meaning I wasn't really sure about distances we'd travel and where we were at along that route. That could be dangerous for a deafblind individual. Thane seems to have a sense of how I am doing. On days when I am really lost like this, he seems to get that *goofing off* just isn't OK. Now when I say goofing off, its more little innuendos of harness pull and speed as well as stubbornness about which route we are going to take. In case you are reading this and do not understand the complexities of working a guide dog- harness pull is not the same thing as pulling on lead. Its an important aspect in the work a guide dog performs. A post on this topic is in the works.

Thane spent much of the day realizing I needed just a bit more today- a bit more involvement in household tasks, a bit more involvement in how I play with him, a bit more patience in how much I interacted, a bit more patience with me in realms of errors on my part in communication.

He's a tough and smart little cookie. Without Thane in my life and trained as much as he is (that training is so far from over) I really would not be living the independent life I am today. I would be forced to deal with evaluations for care workers by a worker who doesn't consider my MCS when it comes to her *bathing in everything scented* approach to her own personal care. Basically my disability would make her make changes that frankly she aint going to do. Yes that violates my rights but since I prefer my independent life and could never get workers in our area to comply with whats necessary for life with MCS, I choose not to spend my spoons educating and/ or fighting with a system that is more broke than anyone could fathom. My care worker is my wonderful little redhead smile I hate to think where I would be without this little guy curled up at my feet.

What kind of day will tomorrow bring with it? Will I wake up invigorated or will it be another day to lay at the foot of my bed watching JAG or maybe 4400 re-runs from tapes I made over the years, while telling Thane how sorry I am about not taking him for a walk or to town. Only tomorrow morning will tell that tale.

We Didn't Get Off So Easy

I should be used to this by now. I have spent more of my life in a wheelchair than I did on my feet. I have sporadic sensation at best. I knew Thane took a really hard brunt of that very hard traffic check a week ago. I was very sore and can't stop re-playing that film in my mind- you know the kind that hits when you have had such a very close call. Thankfully it has not robbed me of sleep which my body really needs.

I have been so sore in places I did not even realize I could still feel, but that was to be expected- at least in my mind. What never dawned on me until two days after the incident is that just like Thane, my skin had bore the brunt of that experience- being thrust back like I was by Thane's movement followed by my rapid reverse on the joystick sheared my skin. I have spent the past week in my apartment only leaving it to dump the trash and get the mail- at which point I felt the pain of the required upright positioning the entire time. It figures that where my skin got sheered just happens to be one of those rare places I do have skin sensation in! ARG

So this past week, Thane and I spent our time indoors- I did a lot of laying on the bed watching old TV shows on RTV- you know ones I remember from days when I was sighted, not blind and was just HOH instead of Deaf.

I have gained a new appreciation for this *bust out of the starting block* redhead that I am partnered with- the kind of appreciation that comes when you realize their fast response time (which is much faster than most guides) is the reason why they were not instantly retired from injury or worse.

You really got to hand it to the street crews who put the safety of pedestrians first (NOT) when selecting how they run the signal lights. I tell you, this experience has made me re-think some of the crossings we have used as we try and create variety in our life. Frankly I can think of at least six that will NEVER be used again.

Some people think I am just being paranoid, but when you endure such a close call as we did and have your teamwork put on hold in such a manner because the two of you are injured in the process of your guide doing his job- well it just changes your perspective about what is and is not safe to be doing.

We have no choice about using that same signal light that this close call happened on. There just is no other way to get to point B without using this crossing. I will admit, the first time we use it and probably for sometime, I will have to work really hard at not tensing up as we do the last half of that crossing.

My skin won't be well for some time. Its not as simple as what others who are confined to chairs deal with when their skin breaks down. Being an individual with MCS (Multiple Chemical Sensitivities), each element of care is so much bigger of an issue. For years, my recourse in wound healing has been Neosporin. It was the one and only ointment I could still use- that is until now. I never would have thought I would become this allergic to the ONLY thing I could use in infection prevention. When I realized I had broken out in hives all around the skin breakdown, I knew what had seemed like an easy *heal in a week* skin problem, had other plans for me. Lets just say that this IS NOT how I planned on spending my Memorial Day weekend.

It could be worse, I know that. Thane could have been hit and I could be dealing with that. Instead I have had the time to enjoy Thane for who he is- tell him every day just how grateful I am for him being at my side and on such high alert as we encountered that danger.

Instead of worse, I spent this past week adding two supplements to Thane's regimen which are making a lot of positive changes for him. His coat is getting soft again thanks to the flax oil which he does tolerate (unlike all the other oils including fish, olive, and coconut) and his high drive, bouncing off the wall, unable to focus self that returned when Pet GO failed due to constipating effects, has been tucked back away through the use of supplemental Taurine. He is calm, rarely considers chewing on himself any more and when he does its more like that quick itch. He chooses to snooze or play alone when I am unable to play rather than nagging me all day long with his toys. Don't get me wrong, he is still my silly redhead who remains ball obsessed- he just is able to contain himself when I am not able to play or interact as well.

I don't know when both Thane and I will be completely back to normal. Presently his original harness that is designed a bit differently is meeting our needs by using the add on loops. We are only working on the complex grounds but that has to change soon as I am going stir crazy! His skin has gotten a good break from any tension across where it was sheered though which is a good thing. He sure was glad when I started letting him help me on the grounds again- and frankly, I was barely making it with the cane those couple days he could not help.

I wonder what that IDIOT would think, if he knew what pain and suffering his impatience and speed had caused us.

The little Redhead from Indiana

So now that I shared who Met was- where he came from- what he became to me, its time to share about Thane. After all this blog really is his. smile

Thane is one of four puppies born to Scarlet and Finn, both red and white Border Collies out of Indiana. He spent the first nine months of his life as Shane; living with his mom and co-breeder amidst their varied pack of dogs- from toy to giant breed.

Following the passing of Met, he came to live with me in the hopes of becoming my future service dog. The trip from Indiana to Oregon, was tumultuous at best for this Indiana country boy. He had so many changes to adjust to- no longer part of a pack as the low man in it, he became the solitary dog in his new home life. From country to town where just the presence of regular traffic flow was something to be in awe of- he had a lot of adjusting to go through.

Re-named Thane- a type of noble man in the Shakespearean era, this little red and white smooth coat boy, had a long way to go before fulfilling his name.

For me, it was a huge eye opening experience to witness just how much I had at one time taught his predecessor- Thane was close to that of a blank slate. He had, for the most part, pretty awesome household manners and behavior for such a young Border Collie. What he had in manners however, he lacked in training. It was going to be up to me to either make or break him as a potential guide and service dog. Only time would tell though which way this was going to go.

At first, the most we really accomplished were the very basics of obedience training amidst the constant reminders that this little redhead was anything but my Met. He had different mannerisms, different likes and dislikes, different pluses and minuses. He was definitely NOT my dog that I so desperately missed and wanted the void of to be filled in the snap of my fingers.

At first, Thane's real role was that of keeping me busy and giving me someone- something that needed me and my care. I will admit, his early life here was anything but stress free as I wrestled with what I sorta coin *my demons* in the journey of letting go of Met and accepting him for who he was and could become to me. This was anything but an easy process.

I suffered from what is often known as *second dog syndrome*. It is that difficult condition, if you will, of relinquishing your first dog and journey with it- allowing oneself to accept, bond with, and work with the new and often times very different successor candidate. It was the letting go of the innocence one had as they trained, bonded, worked, and lost their first service dog and allowed that self to move on with the lessons of yesterday without allowing them to overshadow the joy and good in what lay ahead.

When one can come to such a *letting go* and *moving forward* in the journey of the bonding process- allowing themselves growth as a trainer and handler in the process towards a successor partnership, amazing things can and often do flourish.

I will be the first to admit that Thane is no Chimette. There may never be again in my life, that magical kind of partnership, bond and love that I had with my first special man. Thane though is very special in his own ways. He is an awesome guide dog when his energy is not busting out his seams. Living in an apartment in rain central USA does not do much for energy expenditure. I've learned to give him the long walks to stores in town or to the bus so that he can expend that energy and thus be more effective in that crucial *crowd* work we often encounter.

Most people recognize Border Collies as awesome hearing dogs, but are quite surprised by a guide dog of the same breed. Thane is an interesting specimen for sure. To date, he has turned out to be a much more responsive guide dog than he may ever be as a hearing dog for me. All of this of course came as quite a surprise to me after my previous dog was just so good at everything along the progressive path of my disabilities over our years together.

Met was very much in the game for what he could do for me. He loved his job- sometimes too much. Thane on the other hand, is very much a guide dog in that same light but when it comes to indoor tasks in his obsessive toy environment of our home life, it becomes very much one of *what can I get out of doing this task for her*. I will admit, its not necessarily the kind of work ethic one wants for a multi-disability, multi-environment needed service dog, but at this stage of the game- it works for us because of just how toy obsessed Thane happens to be. I guess in some ways that little obsession of his, is a good thing. LOL Do I wish he had a little more the ethic of his predecessor- sure, but then there is probably a lot of things that he is for me, that he just might not be.

I had said at one point following Met's passing that I never wanted to depend on a dog so much again that in their absence I could not function. Perhaps Thane's gift to me is just that- making me keep my promise to myself that he would never become the *only* functional tool I could live my life by.

For now, I am just grateful for those wonderful people in Indiana who had the ability in their hearts to let go of the little redhead they had raised for the first nine months of his life. For without them and their generosity, my life today would be a very different one. Thane truly was and is a gift- one I hope I never become so accustomed to that I take advantage of what he does for me.

May I Have This Dance?

I thought I'd post this after ending my last entry along the tunes of feeling like we dance together. I wrote this as Thane's guide training and my dependence upon him while moving beyond loss was coming together into the phase of a *green* team.

~ ~ ~

May I have this dance?
I can work this job
Youth on my side--
spunky yet agile
I halt in perfection
saluting
steel on wheels

Differences of style
not mistakes
unique
attributes of me

I zag
where he zigged
sway as a boat
on calm seas
try to pace traffic
just my immaturity

Sharp
head turns left
watch that cup tossed aside
cart blocks the way
hedge protruding
a twig or a branch
oh my--
construction ahead

Whoa!
Hard Halt!
Pardon--
that speedsters way fast!

Sirens approach
Hard Halt, quick sit
as 9-1-1 I instruct

Each outing new
as a competitive course
head turns slightly
be it right
be it left
directional cues
the path I must choose

Each crossing
High alert
be they patient
or rude
no need to hurry
your safety
my concern

Entrances a puzzle
single door
double door
automatic
buzz us in
new challenges await

Each turn of my head
a distant world I relate
Through eyes, ears, paws,tail
every movement a cue
in my role for you

Girthed in harness
or just fur
my role as your guide
as a nose nuzzling friend
unconditional love
a bond tightly formed
time, training, and trust
independence
comes with each step

Accept me, for me
it's time for my chance
give me this job
I really can dance!

by Karyn E LaGrange
copyright July 2008